


Scared

by beccca



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Daddy Issues, Fluff, Football, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Hand Jobs, High School, M/M, Minor Liam Payne/Danielle Peazer, Panic Attacks, Secret Relationship, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Teenage One Direction, University, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 68,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccca/pseuds/beccca
Summary: “I’m really fucking scared too. I’m scared to come out to my mum and my sisters. My friends on the footie team too. I’m scared everyone will hate me and I’m scared they’ll look at me differently and won’t want to be around me anymore. I’m scared my mum won’t love me in the same way. But mostly I’m scared of how much I like you, H. I like you so much I don’t know what to do with myself and I’m constantly scared of fucking this up.”Where Harry likes Louis and Louis likes Harry but they're both just scared.[also available on Wattpad under the username phan_my_man]
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 22
Kudos: 108





	1. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1: Where They Fall

“Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson,” Harry kept his gaze trained on his desk, not daring to look up as the teacher called out the pairs for their assignment. He knew who Louis Tomlinson was; the most popular boy in school, as well as the captain of the football team. Harry also knew that this boy was incredibly attractive, as it seemed that everyone had a crush on him, and he also knew that this boy hated him.

  
That is, him hating him wasn’t new. Harry knew that everyone in this school hated him, causing him to have no friends, and he liked it that way. He also knew that this was his fault. He was the one that had refused to talk to anyone for the past two years of high school and now that they were in the senior years of high school, no one cared to make new friends, or even speak to the weird kid who talked to himself and never took out his earbuds.

  
“Hi,” A voice pulled Harry from his thoughts, and he looked up to see Louis Tomlinson looking down at him, illuminated by the harsh lighting of the ceiling. Louis Tomlinson looked like an angel to Harry. His feathery brown hair, outlined with a glow, his smile which extended to his bright blue eyes and greeted Harry, with probably the most welcoming expression the younger boy had ever received. It was safe to say that along with the rest of the school, Harry had a crush on Louis Tomlinson. “Harry, right? I think we’re partners?”

  
Harry gave a slight nod of his head, slipping his hand into the pocket of his hoodie to turn down his music a bit, one earbud dangling along his left side, the other stuck firmly in his ear.

  
“Great!” Louis said, almost too excited as he slipped into the seat in front of Harry, which no one ever sat at, sitting backwards to face the younger boy. “Any ideas on what you want to do for this?”

  
Harry panicked for a moment, he hadn’t listened to anything the teacher had said, hell, he didn’t even know what class this was. Louis seemed to notice the frantic look hidden in the boy’s green eyes and reached over to Harry’s desk, pulling the handout away from the younger boy and reading it quickly in his head.

  
“So, we’ve got to do some sort of creative presentation on something to do with the catcher in the rye,” Louis said, glancing up at Harry for just a second. Right, this is English class, Harry thought as Louis continued speaking, “I thought maybe we could do some sort of interview type thing? One of us could ask Holden a variety of questions and then the other could be Holden and I don’t know, umm…”

  
Louis trailed off and looked back up at Harry. The problem was that every time Louis looked at Harry, Harry’s mind went blank, his only thoughts being of the pretty boy that was staring at him. The two boys stared at each other for a few moments before Harry could no longer stand the eye contact and glanced back at his desk.

  
“How about we work on this after school? We can go to your’s or my house, or-or the library or something?” Louis suggested, stuttering slightly. Harry, confused by the older boy’s nervousness, shakily nodded his head before speaking for the first time in this entire conversation.

  
“Sure,” Louis glanced up at the deep voice of the boy, shocked by the sound of his voice. To be fair, no one in that school had heard Harry speak more than a few words, let alone Louis Tomlinson, who was way too busy with football and being the most popular boy in school to pay attention to or even notice a boy like Harry.

  
Harry lived the life of a loner and he liked it.

  
Harry watched as Louis snapped out of the daze he had been in and a smile replaced the dopey look that had been on the older boy’s face just moments ago. “Great, give me your number, I’ll text you and we can figure everything out.”

  
Harry nodded and took the shiny new iPhone from Louis’ outstretched hand, typing in his number before handing back the phone. Harry’s mind drifted to the old, beaten Samsung in his pocket and couldn’t help but feel ashamed.

  
“Harry?” Just as Harry looked up at the sound of his name, he saw a flash and, as his eyes adjusted back to normal lighting, he saw that Louis was holding up his phone, having just snapped a picture of the younger lad.

  
Harry’s brows furrowed and Louis just gave him a smile as bright as the sun, “For your contact picture.”

  
With that said, the bell rang and Harry watched as Louis took the few steps back to his desk, grabbing his bag. Harry packed up his own stuff as well, keeping his head down as he stood up and pulled his heavy backpack onto his shoulder. As Harry made his way to the door, after the majority of other students had left, he was pulled back by a gentle hand on his elbow.

  
“Don’t worry,” Louis said, picking up his phone and motioning with it, “You look cute.” With that, Louis winked at Harry, sending a weird feeling right to the pit of Harry’s stomach as the older boy pranced out of the room.

* * *

It was when Harry was sitting in the library at lunch that the first text came through to his phone. Harry always ate lunch in the library, among the shelves bursting with books. He didn’t have any friends and the cafeteria was filled with loud noises and weird smells. Harry could eat outside, and sometimes he did, but given that this was England, it was fairly cold outside for most of the year. Too cold for Harry to spend an hour outside every day.

  
So he ate in the library. The librarian knew him by name and the other students who were regulars in eating there knew to stay away from where he liked to sit, which was the back corner, surrounded by the astronomy books. Not that Harry particularly liked astronomy or space or anything, he just liked being surrounded on all sides so that no one could sneak up on him and this was the only section of the library that allowed that.

  
Harry had just sat down and was choosing a new playlist when he received Louis’ first texts.

Louis: hi it’s Louis, i tried finding you between classes but couldn’t, when do you wanna go study

And

Louis: i was thinking we could go to your house ? i have lots of sisters so my house is pretty crowded and loud

Harry: that’s fine

Louis: great ! Meet me in the parking lot at the bell ? I can drive us

Harry: okay.

Louis: *animal gif*

Harry couldn’t help but wonder if this was what it was like to have friends. Sure he had his sister but they never really texted or sent each other any funny pictures or videos. As much as Harry liked his life as a loner, he kind of liked Louis and the energy he emitted. It was just so positive.

* * *

Harry was immediately out the door of his chemistry class as the bell rang. He hadn’t seen Louis since English as they didn’t share any other classes, given that Louis was in the year above him, and Harry tried to minimize his time in the hallways between classes. Avoiding human contact was one of his main goals in life.

  
Harry quickly made his way to the back doors of the school, where all the students parked. Although the day had begun quite cold, the warm September sun had warmed the air through the afternoon so Harry deemed it appropriate to wait just outside the doors, leaning against the wall, where he would be in plain sight should Louis exit the school looking for him.

  
As Harry’s mind drifted through random thoughts, he caught sight of Louis exiting the school and immediately looking around for Harry. Harry pulled himself away from the wall and gave Louis the smallest wave, before reaching into his pocket, turning down his music and swiftly pulling out one of his earbuds so he could hear the other boy.

  
“Harry,” Louis greeted, a smile rising to his face

  
“Hi,” Harry replied quietly.

  
“You ready to go?” Louis asked. Harry nodded and followed as Louis took the front, leading him to a small grey car sitting at the edge of the parking lot.

  
Louis opened the passenger door and motions for Harry to enter it, closing it behind him before making his way to the driver’s seat.

  
“I know it’s not much, definitely not as fancy as some of the other guys on the team, but it’s mine,” Louis said with a smile, turning towards Harry to speak before starting the car and slowly pulling out of the parking lot.

  
“It was actually my grandfather’s but I got it when he passed away a couple of years ago. I couldn’t drive it until a few months ago when I got my license but my parents just had left it sitting in the garage, ready for me.” Louis turned to look at Harry as they approached the stop sign just off of school property.

  
“So, uh, where d’you live?” Louis asked with a chuckle, causing a light blush to paint Harry’s cheeks. Obviously, Louis didn’t know where he lived, how could he have been so stupid.

  
“Sorry, this way.” Harry gave short, one-word directions as they drove the ten minutes through the suburbs until they approached Harry’s house.

  
Harry’s house was small, yes, but it was the right size for just Anne and Harry. It was also all they could afford, but Harry wasn’t embarrassed by it or anything. The two kept good care of it and were proud of the way the garden had bloomed all summer and the clean white railings of the porch.

  
“You have a nice house,” Louis mentioned as they exited his car. Harry just nodded and shrugged as he led Louis to the front door and unlocked it with the key from his pocket, pushing it open and letting Louis enter first.

  
The two boys slipped off their shoes and Louis stared at Harry for a moment before awkwardly saying, “You don’t speak much.”  
Harry blushed as a dark feeling came over his chest. He had never spoken much, not since he was a kid.

  
“Hey,” Harry looked up. “It just means we’re meant to be best friends, ‘cause I can never stop talking.”

  
This brought a smile to Harry’s face and he looked down again before placing a hand on Louis’ elbow and leading him into the kitchen, sitting down at the kitchen table and pulling his notes from his bag, Louis following suit.

  
The two boys worked on their project for a couple of hours, Louis doing most of the talking, until around six o’clock when Harry’s mother came home.

  
“Harry?” Anne called as she entered the house, causing both boys to look up from their work. Moments later Harry’s mum appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.

  
“Oh,” She said, “And who’s this?”

  
Harry looked at Louis as he stood from his seat and walked to Anne, offering her his hand. “‘m Louis, Harry’s friend from school. We’re just working on a project for class.”

  
Anne shook Louis’ hand but looked past him to Harry, cocking an eyebrow at her son. Harry just shrugged, not knowing what to say. Anne sighed at her son, “Alright, well I’ve got to get started on dinner, why don’t you two head up to your room Harry? Oh and Louis, would you like to stay for dinner?”

  
“Actually, ma’am I’ve best go home for dinner, my mum’s waiting for me.”

  
Anne nodded and left the doorway, leaving just Harry and Louis in the room.

  
“You have to go home now?” Harry asked. He was disappointed, he actually enjoyed Louis’ company quite a bit.

  
And almost as if Louis could read his mind, the older boy quickly walked over and sat back down next to Harry. “Don’t worry, I’ll come over again tomorrow if that’s alright with you?”

  
Harry just nodded and started clearing their stuff off the table, handing Louis his stuff to put in his own backpack while Harry did the same. Once the table was cleared, the two boys stood and Louis pulled his backpack onto his shoulder, following Harry to the door.

Harry stood leaning against the wall as Louis slipped on his shoes. Louis straightened back up and the two boys stood there for a moment, staring at each other.

  
“Bye,” Harry said, giving a slight wave to Louis.

  
The older boy frowned, “I don’t get a hug?”

  
The dopey smile that immediately formed on Harry’s face warmed Louis’ heart. Harry shrugged and stepped forward with his arms out in the slightest. Louis pulled him in and rested his head in the younger boy’s neck for a moment before pulling away, pressing a kiss to the side of Harry’s head, right where his hair met his temple, as he did so.

  
This small kiss immediately brought a flush of red to Harry’s face and a hoard of butterflies to his stomach.  
Louis looked back at the blushing boy and gave him a knowing smile before stepping out of the house, closing the door behind him and heading home.


	2. The Next Day

When Harry woke up the next morning, he was almost excited to go to school, which hadn’t happened since he was seven. Harry knew that he had English first period, which meant that he would see Louis and that the older boy would talk to him. Maybe Harry’s mind was moving too quickly, but he had been crushing on Louis since year 10 when he saw the blue-eyed boy in a play the school had put on, so he really couldn’t help but be excited about this whole thing.

Harry had truly thought that Louis hated him, but to be fair Harry thought everyone hated him. It was this thought that stuck in the back of his head at all times and he had a hard time shutting it off. 

Because of his excitement, Harry was quick to get ready and leave for school, slipping on his uniform and kissing his mother on the cheek before walking out the door, headphones securely in his ears with  _ The Strokes _ playing loudly.

Harry began on his usual walk, even if it was 20 minutes earlier than he normally left, not much was different. Except for today, Harry was struggling to focus on the lyrics of  _ Someday _ as his mind kept drifting to the blue-eyed boy he had seen the day before.

And with that, as if by fate, Harry happened to glance behind him to see a familiar car approaching. Harry pulled out an earbud as the small grey car approached him, Louis Tomlinson sitting in the driver’s seat in the full, angel-like glory that seemed to follow him everywhere.

“Harry!” Louis called out as he rolled down the passenger seat window and pulled to a stop beside the shorter boy. “You need a ride?”

Harry thought for a minute, as much as he loved his daily walk to school, which allowed him to get some peace with just his music and thoughts, he would have to kill himself if he passed up the opportunity to get a ride to school with  _ the  _ Louis Tomlinson. 

So Harry shrugged and Louis took that as a yes, leaning across the passenger seat to open the door for the other boy. Harry slid into the seat and shrugged off the sweater he had on over his uniform. Louis’ car was  _ hot _ . Although it was mid-September and definitely beginning to cool down, Harry couldn’t help but think that it was absolutely ridiculous for anyone to have their heat on yet.

Louis, noticing Harry take off his sweater, smiled at the boy as he pulled away from the curb. “Sorry about the heat, ‘m still not quite sure how the car works, only started driving it a few months ago.”

“You had the heat on like this all summer?” Harry asked. It had been quite warm in England that past summer, a few heat waves taking up most of the summer.

Louis chuckled, “No, I turned it on a few nights ago when it got cold but I haven't figured out how to turn it off… I think the button’s stuck.”

Harry just nodded, deciding that he’s probably said enough for the day, or at least for the car ride.

As they drove, Louis spoke about their English project and his other classes. As they approached the school, Harry could see Louis fidgeting with his sleeve. “You okay?” He asked.

“Hmm?” Louis said, turning to look at Harry for a brief moment before looking back at the road, “Yeah, yeah, it’s just… Um… I need to drop you off a bit from school.”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, confused. Louis pulled to the side of the road, they were just around the corner. Louis turned the car off and pulled the keys from the ignition, turning to look at the younger boy. 

Louis’ hand was tapping away on the gear shift and Harry couldn’t take the anxious energy so he reached over and placed his hand over the other boy’s, stopping the fidgeting. Harry could feel Louis flinch the slightest bit when their hands made contact but he didn’t say anything and neither boy attempted to move.

“Fuck it,” Louis muttered, pulling his hand away from Harry’s to put the key back in the ignition and start the car again. Once they were back on the road, turning the corner towards the school, Louis reached over the console and took Harry’s lonely hand, that had been resting on his lap, into his hand. And neither boy said a thing.

As Louis pulled into the school’s parking lot he had to pull his hand away from Harry’s, his parking skills were limited and he needed both hands to do it successfully. Once the car was stopped and in place, Louis turned it off and turned to look at Harry.

“Look, about back there…” 

Harry cut him off, “It’s okay, I get it, you don’t want to be seen with me,” Harry was used to this kind of thing. He knew that no one at the school liked him and he had gotten used to living his life that way.

“No, Harry,” Louis reached across the armrest again and took lightly took hold of Harry’s hand, but only after quickly glancing around the parking lot to make sure that no one was watching them, “I  _ really _ like you, it’s just my friends and the soccer team… I’m sorry, I’ll, uh, see you in English ya?”

Harry nodded and grabbed his bag from the floor of the car, opening the door and leaving Louis alone. 

As he walked into the school, headphones in, without looking back to see if Louis was following, he couldn’t help but scold himself. How could he have been so stupid to think that Louis had actually liked him, had actually wanted to be his friend? Nobody wanted to be friends with Harry. 

* * *

Harry sat through his math class, distracted. Usually, math was one of the classes Harry enjoyed most. The teacher really understood him and never forced him to participate or work with anyone else, so long as he did all his work and came to class on time, but that wasn’t a problem for Harry. Until today.

Harry just couldn’t focus on the worksheet in front of him. He stared at the function on his paper, glancing up to where his teacher was explaining the topic on the projector, but his mind kept drifting to Louis.

Why had he held his hand?

Why did he try to get Harry to walk the last bit to school?

Why had he picked Harry up in the first place?

To be honest, Harry hadn’t thought Louis was gay, but given his actions in the past 24 hours, Harry wasn’t so sure anymore. He had kissed the side of his head, for fuck's sake. And held his hand, that’s, like, super gay, Harry thought. Harry really couldn’t focus at all.

Aside from the obvious confusion linked to Louis’ indecipherable actions that Harry was feeling, he was also distracted by his usual thoughts of Louis. Now Harry’s crush on the older boy, the one he had had since year 10, had never been glaringly present. However, given the time that Harry had now spent with the boy, he had much more material to daydream about. Before, every time he thought of the older boy, it had to do with his eyes or the way his calf muscles rippled as he played footie or the crinkles beside his eyes as he laughed. Now though, Harry thought of the stories that Louis had told him yesterday, picturing the way he most likely acts with his younger sisters, and of the pounding in Harry’s chest as Louis pulled him in for a hug or held his hand.

Because of these thoughts, Harry was filled with gratitude as the bell rang, signalling the end of class. 

Harry couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous about going to his next class, English, because of the way he had left Louis’ car that morning. To be honest, Harry was less scared that Louis would be upset with him and more scared that the older boy may just ignore him completely. As much as Harry wanted to just walk out of the building and skip class altogether, he knew he couldn’t just avoid Louis forever, and frankly, he would rather know sooner if the older boy never wanted to speak to him again.

So Harry, with his headphones fastened securely in his ears blasting some random indie song walked quickly down the stairs to his English class. Without glancing up as he walked into the room, he rushed to his seat and focused on a pencil sketch of an eye on his desk.

Normally Harry would keep his headphones in until he heard the bell ring. It was fairly loud and usually overpowered any noise-cancellation possible. Today though, perhaps it was because Harry was so caught up in his thoughts of Louis, or maybe his music was just a tad bit louder than usual, but he didn’t hear the bell. He didn’t even know that class had started until he saw a hand slam down on his desk, accompanied by a very loud, “Mr. Styles.”

Harry immediately jumped in his seat and pulled his headphones from his ears, heart racing. His teacher was standing in front of him as the rest of the class stared at him. Harry couldn’t breathe. “Mr. Styles, you know the rules. Why would you have your headphones in when class has begun?”

Now Harry wanted to explain to his teacher, he really did. He would have explained that he just didn’t hear the bell and how it would never happen again. But Harry couldn’t breathe. He could see his teacher’s lips moving and he could see his class staring at him, but he couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears as he struggled to breathe. He just couldn’t take anything in, it was as if someone was pressing into his chest.

He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, speeding up as his teacher’s expression changed into that of confusion. And Harry couldn’t take it anymore. He bolted out of class.

Luckily for Harry, his English class was right beside the stairwell, allowing him to slip right out into the warm September air. However, even with the sun shining on his face, Harry couldn’t breathe. He slid down against the wall, feeling faint as tears blurred his vision.

And just when he thought he couldn’t take anymore, he felt a familiar hand press against his arm. Harry turned to see Louis with an expression that could only be described as heartbroken. Harry tried to say something, but all that came out was a heaved breath.

“Harry,” Louis said, slowly pulling the younger boy so Harry was resting on his lap, both legs on one side of Louis’ thighs and his head on his shoulder, “Shhh, you’re okay.”

Louis softly rubbed his back, fingers skimming lightly over his spine, hoping that his soothing gestures would calm the boy down. And he was right because minutes after that, Harry’s breathing returned to normal, that was until a sob racked through the younger boy’s body.

“I’m sorry,” sobbed Harry.

Louis hugged the younger boy closer and pressed his face into his hair. “Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for.”


	3. Advancement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say a massive thank you to anyone reading this.  
> I have a lot planned for this and I'm super excited to share it with the world.  
> This story is almost one year in the making now and I'm really proud of it.
> 
> May all your wishes come true

You could say that everything between Louis and Harry returned to normal after that. However, considering the two had only really known each other for 24 hours, they didn’t really have a  _ normal _ . So, rather than returning to normal, they got to know each other.

Harry was still insecure and perhaps a bit too trusting, and Louis was still charming yet in denial of a certain glaring aspect of their relationship. Therefore, it was under the guise of working on their English assignment that the two began to hang out every day. Sure, some days Louis had to go right home to babysit, and some days Harry had to help his mum run errands, but the two boys still found a way to get closer, oh, and to finish their project.

Their week went well. 

* * *

Thursday: two days after the Harry incident

“Harry.” Silence.

“Harry.” Silence.

“Harry.” 

“What?” Harry snapped, turning to face the older boy that had been trying to get his attention for at least 5 minutes. They were sitting at Harry’s kitchen table after school working on their English project and, to say the least, Harry was stressed. 

You see, their project was due on Monday and Louis wouldn’t do any work. Sure, at first Louis was a good partner, and in theory, he had good ideas. But as they became friends, Louis began to slack off and he seemed to have a hard time focusing on actually getting the work done, always wanting to just talk to Harry.

“Nevermind, then…” Louis trailed off, turning away from Harry.

“Lou, I’m sorry,” Harry whined, reaching over to put his hand on top of Louis'.

Louis just turned around, laughing, pulling his hand out from under Harry’s but only to wrap his arm around his shoulder. “No, I’m sorry, you’re right, we need to get this done."

Harry just nodded his head, his entire body feeling weird, almost tingly, from the extremely direct physical contact with Louis.

“So what do you think the carousel represented for Holden?” Harry asked.

Louis just groaned and let his head fall forward to rest on the table, making Harry giggle.

* * *

Friday

The next day the boys found themselves laughing quietly together in English class. Enough so to get them both kicked out of the classroom, their teacher not wanting to deal with the noise. So the two boys sat next to each other in the stairwell next to their class, backs resting against the wall.

Now it really wasn’t their fault that they were being loud as they were practicing their presentation, which, unfortunately, resulted in Harry laughing a lot. He couldn’t help it, Louis was a really funny interviewer. 

However, now that they weren’t in the classroom, they had fallen into silence. Sure, Harry never spoke too much, but with the way that Louis had the younger boy’s hand in his, playing with his fingers, Harry couldn’t focus on anything but breathing and the pounding in his heart.

The two were both sitting with their legs drawn up to their chests, and Harry was leaning his head on Louis’ shoulder. “H,” Louis said quietly.

“Hmmm?” Harry hummed in response, not really wanting to break the comfortable silence they were sitting in.

“I have a question for you…” Louis said quietly and Harry just nodded his head slightly to acknowledge the older boy’s statement. “Your dad?”

Harry swallowed and took a deep breath. He didn’t like talking about his dad. “He’s, uh, not around really.”

“Yeah?” Louis said.

“He, uh, he doesn’t really wanna be my dad.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.”

* * *

Saturday

Harry had never been one to have friends over. I mean, he didn’t really have friends to invite over but even when he was young and his friends would all go to the park on the weekend, Harry preferred to stay home and play with his sister, or help his mum run errands. That is how Harry fell in love with grocery shopping. It’s weird but he loved the routine of it, going each Saturday morning and checking everything off the list. 

However, he never expected to find himself grocery shopping with one Louis Tomlinson. Sure Harry’s crush-inspired fantasies had taken them on dates and to bed but grocery shopping was such a domestic task. But there Harry was, watching Louis run the cart down the aisles like a child, while Harry grabbed the items from the list and tossed them in as Louis passed by.

Now as much as Harry tried to act annoyed by Louis’ antics, he couldn’t help but smile as the older boy brought the cart to a stop next to him, making breaking noises as he did so.

“Harry! What else do we need?”

Harry glanced down at the list, “Just the veggies, Lou.”

“Great!” Louis exclaimed, grabbing Harry’s wrist with one hand and pushing the car with the other as he leads the two of them into the produce section.

“Which should we get, love?” Louis asked the younger boy as they maneuvered the cart into the aisle, stopping between the apples and oranges.

Harry looked around for a moment before reaching to the other side of the aisle, holding up the vegetable for Louis to take a look at.

“Hmmm…” Louis hummed, exaggeratingly inspecting the vegetable in Harry’s hand. “Suggestive, H, but I like it.”

Louis grinned and winked at the blushing Harry, grabbing the eggplant from his hand and tossing it into the cart.

* * *

Sunday

Harry had always had days where he wasn’t at his best. Ever since he was little, some days he just wasn’t able to do anything productive, or, anything at all really. Sometimes, he just needed to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling in order for life to feel okay.

Today was one of those days.

And Harry was really sad because he had hung out with Louis every day leading up to this one, but now he was going to have to cancel on who was probably the cutest boy Harry had ever seen. Harry rolled over on the bed and reluctantly pulled his phone from the charger, squinting at the bright light.

Although it was already nine in the morning, Harry had yet to do anything with his day, lest lie in bed and stare, wrapped in the warmth of his blankets. 

_ Harry: hey lou, sorry to cancel but im sick :( _

Harry only had to wait a minute for the older boy’s reply.

_ Louis: issokay love , don’t worry _

_ Louis: you need anything ? _

Harry couldn’t help but smile, this boy was so damn sweet.

_ Harry: i’d love a hug _

_ Harry: but it’s okay, ill see you tomorrow _

Yeah so maybe Harry wasn’t exactly  _ sick _ in the way one would expect but that didn’t mean he didn’t want the comfort of his best friend either way. Best friend. Had someone told Harry even the week before that the two would be friends, Harry would have scoffed and laughed at the remark. However, after spending the past week with this boy, Harry couldn’t help but feel as though he had never been this close with anyone, ever before. It made him almost mad that he had never put in the effort to make friends and had spent the last ten years or so as a loner. Harry was also a bit upset because he knew that Louis didn’t hold him in the same regard. Sure they were close, but Louis had tons of friends so it was different for him.

Harry waited for a text back from the older boy but nothing came through, so he turned his screen off and rolled back around so he was facing the dark blue wall of his bedroom, and pulled the covers over his head.

Harry sat in silence for what was probably 15 minutes before he heard a soft knock on the door, causing the young boy to turn slightly and pull the covers from over his hair, just as the door opened.

Harry squinted his eyes at the silhouette, illuminated by the light shining in from the window at the end of the hallway. That didn’t look like his mum.

“H,” The figure said, Louis, closing the door behind him.

“Lou?” Harry rasped, immediately clearing his voice after. He hadn’t said a word since he got up the hour before. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re mum let me in,” Louis said. Harry’s mind couldn’t help but drift to the boy’s appearance. Although he was a year older than Harry, the younger boy couldn’t help but think about how soft and small the boy looked in his light grey joggers and baggy navy sweatshirt.

“Well ya,” Harry couldn’t help but smile at the boy, “But why are you here? I told you I’m sick.”

“You don’t really look sick love,” Louis said, moving to take a seat on Harry’s bed where Harry still lay. “I was expecting tissues and puke.”

“‘S not that kind of sick,” Harry sighed slightly, shrugging. He hated days like this. 

“Well, either way, I’m here to give you a hug,” the older boy said, shrugging his shoulders and grasping the ends of his sweater in his palms.

Harry smiled and nodded, this boy was the best. Louis reached for the covers beside Harry and pulled them back. But instead of just wrapping Harry in a hug, the older boy slipped into the bed with him. Harry’s heart immediately began to pound, he could feel it everywhere from his toes to the tips of his ears. Louis, however, seemed unaffected as he brought his arms around the other boy, pulling him in close and intertwining their legs.

And that’s how Harry’s mum found them three hours later. Both asleep with Harry’s head in the older boy’s neck, arms wrapped tightly around him. One of Louis’ hands in Harry’s hair and the other on his lower back, head resting back against the pillows.

But they’re friends, yeah.


	4. Cafeteria

The next day was Monday and Louis walked up Harry’s driveway just as Harry was locking the door. The older boy walked up to Harry and tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to jump a bit.

“Lou!” Harry exclaimed.

“H,” Louis said, “Hi. Walk to school with me?”

“Course,” Harry said, shoving his key in his pocket as the two boys walked down Harry’s driveway.

They walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Harry spoke again. “Why no car today?”

“Mum wanted to get the oil checked or something. Actually, she wanted to do it yesterday but I drove it over to yours instead so now she won’t let me drive it ‘til it gets done.”

“Oh,” Harry frowned, “You didn’t have to skip out on that just to come see me yesterday, I would have been fine Lou.”

Louis slowed down a bit and turned to look at Harry. The boy looked older than usual for some reason. “You’re my buddy, H, my best friend. Of course I had to come see you if you were feeling unwell.”

Harry just smiled at the boy and they kept on their way to school.

* * *

Harry paused on his way to the library. Louis had said that they were best friends now and the younger boy truly dreaded sitting all alone with the books for yet another day. Spending all this time with Louis had almost made him regret not having any friends throughout his entire high school career. With these thoughts in mind, Harry turned on his heels and headed instead in the direction of the cafeteria, where he knew that Louis sat with his friends, the other boys on the football team.

Harry pushed past the crowds in the hallways, keeping his backpack close to his side to keep anyone from knocking it, or him. As Harry entered the cafeteria, he quickly spotted Louis, the older boy sitting tall in his seat at the end of one table, surrounded by the laughter and loud conversation of his teammates and the other students at the school that ate in the cafeteria. Harry had hoped to simply catch the boy’s eye and avoid going up to him when he was with his friends, but Louis seemed to be deeply invested in whatever was being discussed at the table. So Harry took a deep breath, which sounded more like a sigh, and approached the table, slowly pulling his headphones out of his ears as he did so. 

“Lou-” Louis looked up at Harry, a panicked look evident in his blue eyes as another boy from the table interrupted Harry.

“Oi!” A dark-haired boy sounded, “The fuck you think you’re doing at our table loser?”

“Uhh,” Harry panicked for a moment, looking to Louis for help. The two boys kept eye contact for a second before another one of the football players stood up and shoved Harry, a hard hand right into his shoulder, forcing Harry to look at him.

“You gonna say something or you just gonna stutter, fucking idiot.”

Harry looked away from the footballer and, instead, looked at Louis, trying to send a message through his eyes, a plea for help. But instead, Louis broke his heart, shook his head and looked down.

Harry looked back at the football player towering over him to see a fist rising into the air. So Harry turned and scurried out of the cafeteria.

So much for being friends, he thought, and trudged his way, not to the library, but out the side doors of the school.

So yeah then, high schoolers are fucking cruel.

Harry hurried out of the cafeteria. He could almost feel all of the eyes on him as he shoved his headphones in and walked briskly right past the library and out the side doors of the school.

It was mid-September in England so while it was obviously not summer, warmth was still lingering in the air and the sun was shining through the clouds, warming Harry’s skin as he walked away from the school, the track and the bleachers. Harry walked to the far-field from the school and lay down, using his backpack as a pillow. Harry lifted his arm to shield his eyes from the sun, sighing loudly as the music blasted in his ears and he tried not to think about Louis.

Harry was just so confused. Just last week Harry had met Louis but he had seemed so great. Louis had been so nice to him. He told him that they were friends and Harry kind of thought that the older boy had been flirting with him. He had kissed the side of his head and hugged him in a way that Harry had deemed to be in no way platonic.

Harry’s mind wandered, going over all the interaction he had with Louis. His thoughts, however, were interrupted when he felt a buzz come from his pocket, the volume of his music lowering as a message came through. Strike that, actually. Harry’s music stayed lowered as multiple messages came through, prompting him to pull out his phone if only to turn it to silent so his music wouldn’t be disrupted any more.

However, Harry lacked quite a bit in self-control and therefore, couldn’t help but check his messages.

_ Louis: Harry _

_ Louis: Where did you go ? _

_ Louis: I looked in the library but you’re not there _

_  
_ _ Louis: I’m really sorry … _

_ Louis: Just let me explain please _

_ Louis: Harry, please _

Harry sighed. As much as he wanted to just text Louis back, he was upset. Harry couldn’t think of any explanation that Louis could possibly give him that would make all of this okay. He had essentially just let all those guys torment Harry, which of course he was used to, but to just stand there watching Louis stare at him and not do anything was terrible.

So instead of texting him back, Harry just switched his phone to silent and shoved it back in his pocket, letting his music envelop him as he tried to keep his mind off Louis.

Somewhere in the background, he heard the sound of the bell which caused him to flinch slightly. It was only when Harry felt a shadow blocking the sun that had been shining on him when he opened his eyes. Harry squinted due to the brightness of the day but could tell that it was Louis standing in front of him. 

However, Harry stayed lying with his headphones in, music blasting. He knew that Louis was talking, he could see the older boy’s lips moving, but he couldn’t make out any of the words and, honestly, didn’t really care to. Eventually, Louis’ lips stopped moving and a frown took over his face as he knelt down on the grass, moving to sit cross-legged, facing Harry. Harry kept his face up, avoiding looking at Louis and instead focusing on a cloud drifting through the sky. 

That was until Harry felt an earbud slip out of his ear and looked up to see Louis sitting there with a sheepish smile, holding the earbud in one hand.

“Harry please just listen to me,” The older boy begged, “I’m sorry, just, you know how they are, the football guys… I, just, don’t know what to say.”

Harry sighed, “You know you’re kind of an arsehole right?”

Louis chuckled the slightest bit, “I know… But I’m a sorry arsehole?”

Harry rolled his eyes but scooted over the slightest bit to make room for Louis on his pillow-backpack, patting the space next to him to make the gesture clear for the older boy.

Louis raised his eyebrows hesitantly and glanced around for a moment but his budding feelings for the other boy outweighed the shame he felt in the pit of his stomach. So he lay down beside Harry, their hair tangling and the sides of their bodies pressed tightly together as their hands found their way to each other. 

* * *

Harry thought that maybe he was all too quick to forgive Louis for everything. To be frank, he was pretty fucking tired of dealing with Louis’ bullshit. There were so many mixed signals coming from that boy that it was driving Harry absolutely mad. One minute Louis would be knocking into the younger boy, holding his hand, and calling him ‘love’ but then the next minute it was as though Louis didn’t know him.

Harry just didn’t understand.

Maybe because he didn’t really have friends, aside from his mum and sister, but it seemed as though Louis was only embarrassed by Harry in front of the football players. They always seemed to be involved with whatever excuse Louis would come up with for why he had treated Harry like shit that day.

But this was it.

Harry wasn’t going to stand for this anymore. Now on any other day, Harry wouldn’t be nearly this forward with his thoughts and emotions but perhaps the conversation he had had with his sister the night before was contributing to his brooding anger. 

“What’s wrong?” Gemma had said the night before, on their weekly skype call, annoyed that her brother had been so distracted all evening. 

“It’s just…” Harry hesitated. He assumed his sister knew he was gay but it had never come up in conversation and Harry was reluctant to talk about anything like that with  _ any _ member of his family. It was just too personal. “There’s this, uh, person I like… And they-they’re kinda confusing me?”

Harry glanced at his computer screen to see Gemma with her face slightly scrunched up, clearly thinking. She pursed her lips for a moment, looking away from the screen before making eye contact with Harry. “What are  _ they _ doing?”

Harry hesitated again, “They, um, they’ll like, hold my hand and stand really close and call me love. But then in front of his friends, he’ll act like he doesn’t know me.”

“He,” Gemma stated clearly, looking for a reaction from Harry, but only being met with the boy looking at his keyboard, “He sounds like he needs to make a choice.”

With that, Harry looked up.

“He needs to decide whether or not you’re worth it…” Gemma trailed off. “I don’t get it completely, obviously, the whole ‘coming out’ thing, but you want to be with him, yeah?”

Harry gave a shaky nod. He had just revealed his biggest secret to his sister. Not necessarily about him liking Louis, but about him liking boys in general.

“Then this kid needs to man the fuck up and decide what’s more important, you, or any ignorant friends he may have.”

So that day at lunch, while sitting in the library, he texted Louis:

_ Harry: after school? _

_ Louis: i’ve got footie , after ? _

_ Louis: i can meet you at your house _

_ Harry: k _

_ Louis: everything alright love ? _

_ Harry: ya _

_ Louis: … _

_ Louis: you need anything ? i can stop somewhere on my way _

_ Harry: it’s okay _

_ Louis: okay  _

And Harry just left it at that. 

* * *

Harry was sitting at his desk, doing his math homework when he heard his phone buzz. 

_ Louis: i’m outside _

_ Harry: don’t ring the bell, i’ll come get you _

However, before Harry got the chance to press send, he heard the bell ring, causing him to jump out of his chair and rush down the stairs. It was a Friday, meaning his mother worked from home and he really wanted to avoid interaction between her and Louis as much as possible, especially given the fact that Harry didn’t think they would be friends anymore after today.

Harry rushed down the stairs but just as he reached the bottom he heard the sound of Louis and his mother. He rounded the corner to see the two of them both there, grins on their faces.

Harry couldn’t help but inwardly roll his eyes. Louis Tomlinson was so fucking charming.

“Harry, why didn’t you tell me Louis was coming over?” His mother said to him with a smile as Louis slipped off his shoes. He was in a school hoodie, presumably just slipped over his footie uniform given that he was in gym shorts and high socks.

“Ya Harry, why didn’t you tell her I was coming over?” Louis said in a pretend mocking voice, eyes bright. Harry couldn’t help the small smile that rose to his face. Again, so fucking charming.

“Sorry mum, we’ll just be in my room.”

“Alright. Louis, will you be staying for dinner?” Harry’s mum asked. Louis turned to look at Harry, but the younger boy gave him a shrug.

“Mmm not sure yet, Anne, I’ll let you know?”

“Of course, love,” Harry’s mum said with a smile, “You two run along now.”

Harry reached for Louis, taking hold of his wrist to lead him up the stairs and into his bedroom. Harry took a seat back onto his desk chair as he had been before while Louis took a seat on the bed.

Now as much as Harry wanted to yell at Louis, or at least scold him, about how he keeps leading Harry this way and that, all of the anger he had felt the night before, and even that morning, had drifted away. All he could focus on now was the way that Louis’ fringe was falling into his eyes and the way that the sleeves of his sweater came to cover the palms of his hands.

So instead of scolding him, Harry just took a deep breath and looked down at his lap where he was lightly scratching his palm, a habit he had developed over the years.

“H, love,” Louis said softly, “What’s up.”

Harry just shrugged again, keeping his eyes trained on his carpet. That is until he felt his chair begin to move. Harry looked up to see Louis had stretched his feet out to the chair and was slowly pulling it so it rested right next to the bed. So then they were face to face. And all Harry could think? Fuck. Fuck this fucking charming boy.

When the chair stopped moving, Louis pulled his legs up onto the bed so they were both sitting cross legged, one on the bed, and one on the chair. They both just stared at each other, neither one really knowing what to say.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said softly, he had been leaning back on his hands but he moved so his hands were in front of him and he was sitting up straight.

“For what?” Harry whispered. He was almost certain Louis didn’t even know.

“For whatever reason it is you’re mad at me, H,” Louis whispered back, “You’re my best friend, I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“That’s exactly why I’m mad.”

“You’re confusing me, love,” Louis said, a hint of a smile in his voice that didn’t dare reach his face.

“That’s what I’m talking about Louis!” Harry exclaimed. “You’re confusing me too! You call me love and you hold my hand but then you say I’m your best friend. A-And you never talk to me in front of your footie friends which is fine but then you cuddle with me all weekend and for fuck’s sake Lou, what’s going on?”

Louis looked into the green eyes in front of him as if searching for an answer to a question that wasn’t asked. They both just sat in silence once again.

“Louis, what do you have to say?” Harry was fed up with his shit.

Louis opened his mouth to talk but then closed it right after and, instead, leaned into the boy in front of him, so their faces were but inches apart.

“Harry, I really like you and I know you like me too.” Harry nodded at the older boy’s words. “I’m just scared,” Louis said, his voice breaking on the last word.

Harry nodded again and leaned towards the other boy so their faces were even closer and his hands rested on Louis’ cheeks. Louis moved too, placing his hands on Harry’s thighs.

“This is okay?” The older boy said, his voice barely a whisper.

Harry nodded as Louis finally closed the gap between them, slowly bringing their lips together. Harry absolutely relished in the feel of Louis’ lips against his. They were just so soft and almost felt as if they were meant to be there. Louis kept their lips pressed together for a good 10 seconds before pulling away.

“Okay?” Louis asked again.

Harry just answered by leaning forward and pressing their lips together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the cafeteria scene (highschoolers are fucking cruel) was the first part of the story I wrote


	5. Get Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2: Where They Fall In Love

Three minutes later and the two boys still had yet to do anything but kiss. Say anything, even. So really, even with Harry’s whole outburst, they had accomplished nothing, except for Harry’s first kiss. His first  _ anything _ .

So Harry pulled away, chuckling lightly when Louis tried to follow him. Harry, however, took his hands from Louis’ cheeks and moved them so they rested on the older boy’s thighs. “Hold up Lou.”

Louis nodded and with the way that he was looking at Harry, the younger boy couldn’t help but blush and look away.

“You good, H?” Louis asked voice calm and caring as he reached up to tug on a loose curl at the back of Harry’s head.

“Yeah, just… What does this mean now?”

Louis shrugged and used the hand he had at Harry’s curl to pull the boy in towards him. “It means I like kissing you. So, let’s…” Louis raised his eyebrows making Harry laugh.

“No, Lou, like…” Harry struggled to find his words, “Does this mean we’re, we’re together?”

“Woah,” Louis said, pulling back from Harry and leaning back on his hands.

This caused Harry to freak out. He had just had his first kiss, no way was he getting rejected not five minutes later. He scrambled out of his chair and moved to sit next to Louis on the bed, crossing his legs and facing the older boy.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to be together, yeah? That’s totally okay with me,” Harry rambled, “I get it if you don’t want us to be together. That’s fine, yeah, totally fine. I mean, why would you want to date me anyway, I’m-”

Harry was caught off by Louis pressing their lips together again. Harry hummed and smiled a bit, he hoped this meant that Louis wanted them to be together. Louis’ tongue swiped at Harry’s bottom lip, deepening the kiss, which Harry gladly went along with, leaning back a bit so his back was against the headrest and Louis was leaning over him in the slightest bit, making the usually small boy seem much bigger and much more intimidating.

One of Louis’ hands rested at the back of Harry’s head, pulling lightly on his hair, receiving inaudible gasps from the younger boy, while the other hand rested on his upper, outer thigh. Harry’s hands made their way to Louis’ face, a habit he had procured in the minutes since his first kiss. He just loved the feeling of Louis’ face, so smooth and flawless with a hint of stubble that showed just how  _ seventeen  _ the boy was. 

However, just as Louis began to lick his way into Harry’s mouth, there was a knock at the door, causing the two boys to scramble away from each other. Louis quickly jumped away from Harry and sat at the desk chair that was still pulled up to the edge of the bed while Harry remained where he was. 

“Sorry to interrupt, boys,” Anne said as she opened the door. She took a quick glance around the room and noticed the strange expression on Harry’s face, a guilty one on that of Louis’. “Louis, honey, will you be staying for dinner?”

“Ummm, I think I better head home,” The boy stammered out, not lifting his head to look at Anne. She noted how strange Louis’ actions were given how charismatic he usually was. 

“Alright,” Anne said, hurrying to close the door and let the boys resolve whatever issue they were clearly hashing out. She was clueless.

As soon as the door closed Louis was back on the bed beside Harry.

“H, I really like you,” Louis said, reaching to grab Harry’s hand. “I really, really like you.”

“I like you too, I think we’ve made our feelings quite clear Lou,” Harry said, his cheeks reddening a bit making Louis absolutely fond over him.

“Harry I want to be with you, it’s just,” Oh no, was all Harry could think. No way was he getting rejected. “The footie guys. If we date, they, they can’t know.”

Harry tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows, “They’re your friends, yeah?”

Louis shrugged, “Not really. I only hang with them ‘cuz I’m on the team. They can’t know I’m gay, they’d kill me.” 

Harry thought for a moment, “I don’t really want people at school to know either. Or my mum. It’s okay with me if it’s a secret, Lou, I just want to be with you.”

Louis smiled and leaned over to peck Harry’s cheek. “So you’re my boyfriend then?”

“Shouldn’t one of us actually ask each other?” Harry asked shyly.

“How old fashioned,” Louis chuckled and rolled his eyes, getting up off the bed. “Your highness,” He said in a posh voice, getting down on one knee, “Will you do me the greatest honour of becoming my boyfriend?”

Harry looked around for a moment, pretending to think about the question for a moment.

“I suppose so.” And Harry couldn’t suppress a smile as Louis stood up and pressed their lips together.

* * *

“You should’ve said you were staying for dinner,” Harry whined slightly. The two boys were standing on the doorstep, Louis with his cleats on and his hands tucked into the pocket of his footie hoodie, Harry in just his socks, shorts, and a t-shirt. Harry was only planning on walking Louis to the door but after the older boy slipped his shoes on, Harry felt the urge to kiss him, however with his mum just over in the next room preparing dinner, he had deemed it too risky and stepped out into the cooling night air to get a bit of privacy. 

So there they were, both freezing as the night breeze crept up their legs and pulled at their hair. “S’okay H, I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? I’ll drive you to school?”

Louis had his head tilted the slightest bit as he raised his hands to rest on Harry’s arms. The look he was giving the green-eyed boy was enough to make him feel as if he was floating. And even with the promise of seeing him the next day, Harry pouted at the thought of the boy leaving so soon. He couldn’t help but want to never stop kissing the boy that he had confessed his feelings for just an hour before.

Harry’s lips formed a pout as he looked up at the older boy. Louis couldn’t help but swoon at the look on Harry’s face, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the boy’s cute lips. This action, however, caused Harry to bring his hands up to Louis head, trapping the boy close to him as Harry leaned in to kiss him again.

However, when Louis felt Harry press his body up against him, he had to pull away with a chuckle. “H,” He scolded with a fake frown, only making Harry lean up and kiss the older boy again.

“Just stay,” Harry suggested, his voice getting closer to a whisper as he peered into Louis’ deep blue eyes. The sad look in the younger boy’s eyes and the way his dark eyelashes fluttered the slightest bit caused Louis to sigh and pull the boy into him, wrapping him tightly in his arms and rubbing his back a bit.

“I’ll pick you up at eight, H,” Louis said, stepping away from the boy and taking a step off the porch, pulling his keys from his pocket.

However, even from his position three feet away, Louis could hear the faint growl that came from his boyfriend’s throat as he stepped away, causing him to smile. Harry watched as his boyfriend turned to look at him, a big smile creeping onto his face, lightening his features and crinkling his eyes. 

“Eight o’clock, H,” Louis said, turning around, getting into his car and driving away. 


	6. Jade

Harry honestly couldn’t believe that they were dating. Now as self-deprecating as it was, Harry didn’t think he had that much to offer Louis. Louis Tomlinson was this fit, upper-year footie player and Harry was, well he was just Harry. But for some reason Louis wanted Harry.

Now Louis thought about this very differently. While he knew that there were lots of girls around school that wanted him due to his status on the football team, he never thought he could get someone like Harry. Harry was a sweet, kind, smart, funny person with the biggest dick, sorry heart, that Louis had ever witnessed. 

However, even with how infatuated the boys were with each other, with the beginning of their relationship they had some troubles. 

It began two nights later when Louis was leaving Harry’s house after an evening of cuddling, making out, and watching TV. Harry walked Louis to the door, waiting for him to put on his sweater and shoes before walking him outside, leaving the door open behind him just a crack. 

Harry watched shyly as Louis turned to face him, the older boy’s hand moving to brush his hair up out of his face before speaking, “So.”

It was more of a statement than a question but Harry still simply shrugged, not knowing what to say. He had never been in a relationship, hell, he had barely been in any friendships.

However, Louis didn’t seem to notice the boy’s lack of confidence or plainly chose to ignore it. “Well, aren’t you going to give me a hug?”

Louis’ soft grin and words caused a slight blush to rise on Harry’s cheeks, but they both ignored it as Harry stepped into Louis’ outspread arms. Louis wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller boy’s shoulders and Harry could feel his nose nestled into the side of his head, just above his ear. Harry reciprocated the hug, keeping a tight grip around the older boy’s waist and pushing his face into Louis’ neck, shielding it from the cool breeze that accompanied the late September night air.

“I miss you,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ sweater.

“I’m right here,” Louis chuckled lightly, rubbing Harry’s back for a moment before pulling away from their hug. He held Harry at arm’s length, moving a hand to brush the curls from his face so he could look him in the eye. “You good, H?”

Harry shrugged and looked up at Louis, “I always miss you, anytime you’re not talking I miss you, you just fill the whole room…”

Harry looked down, slightly embarrassed to be voicing his thoughts. Louis just pulls him into another tight hug. “Thanks, H, that just made my day.”

His words confused Harry.

But then Louis moved away again, dropping his hands from Harry’s waist and pulling off his sweater, revealing his sweaty footie uniform and an inch of his stomach.

“Here,” He says, pushing the hoodie into Harry’s hands, “Now you don’t have to miss me. You’ll have a little bit of me to wear.”

Harry looked down at the sweater in his hands. It was a grey hoodie, nothing special about it, except for the fact he had seen Louis wear it at least once a week (if not more) for the month he had known him.

“You sure?” Harry asked quietly, looking up to see Louis nod.

And now Louis lending his boyfriend his sweatshirt was not necessarily a problem. It was later that week when Harry was wearing it, not realizing the implications it caused (he just liked being surrounded by the smell of Louis). 

It began when Harry walked down the stairs one morning, dressed in the sweatshirt over his uniform. He entered the kitchen where his mum was getting ready to leave, clearly late for work as she was usually up and out before Harry even stirred in his bed.

She was hastily pouring coffee into her thermos as Harry quietly dropped two slices of bread in the toaster. “Won’t be home ‘til late, Harry, you’ll make yourself dinner?”

Harry nodded, turning to face his mum where she was slipping her shoes on by the kitchen table. “Mmhm, might go to Louis’ or something, but ya, got it covered.”

His mum raised her eyebrows at him, “Speaking of Louis, that’s not his sweatshirt, is it?”

Harry looked down and immediately felt a blush rush to his cheeks. He didn’t think anyone would notice.

“No…” He said quietly, turning around as his toast popped from the toaster and making a mental note to change before he left for school.

“Okay then…” Anne said, not convinced in the slightest. She knew her son was gay even if he had never said anything to her, she knew him like the back of her hand. “I’m leaving now, bye love.”

“Bye mum,” Harry called back with a smile as he buttered his toast.

Given that Harry had made this mistake once, you would think he had learned. However, the next week, he did the same thing, wearing Louis’ sweater in front of other people, that is. Except for this time, his mother wasn’t running late and Louis had a doctor’s appointment during first period so there was no one to catch Harry’s mistake until he was sitting in second period and Louis walked into the class, halfway through. 

They had long finished their presentation together and the class was now working on Shakespeare. Now their teacher was an absolute sadist, meaning he made different students each day stand up and act out the parts of Macbeth. Unfortunately, Harry had been chosen for the role of Macduff in the second act, and he was standing at the front of the class reading his lines as Louis quietly made his way to his seat, winking at his boyfriend as he sat down.

Harry gave him a small smile as the girl playing Lady Macbeth read her lines. As Harry began to speak again, the phone rang in the classroom and he stopped reading as the teacher stood up to answer it. Harry stood there awkwardly as the teacher took the phone outside the door. 

“Harry,” He heard, causing him to look up at the girl beside him. “Can I ask you something?”

This made Harry nervous. He had never spoken to this girl before. Frankly, this was a year 12 class and he had never spoken to any of them except for Louis. However, he knew this girl was dating one of Louis’ friends on the footie team so he was vaguely familiar with her face, given the time he spent staring at Louis when he was with his footie friends.

So, not wanting her to think he was weird, he sent a fleeting glance at his boyfriend, who was rummaging through his bag, most likely looking for the copy of Macbeth that he had left sitting on Harry’s kitchen table the night before, Harry shrugged.

“Is that Louis’ hoodie?”

Harry’s eyes immediately dropped down to look at his sweatshirt, which was, in fact, Louis’, missing the way his boyfriend’s gaze shot up to the two standing at the front of the class at the sound of his name.

“Ummm…” Harry didn’t know what to say. Yeah, he could lie and say it wasn’t but if she was asking this she likely already knew it wasn’t his given that it was something completely out of his regular style. “It-it’s my boyfriend’s.”

“You have a boyfriend?” The girl looked at him with a curious gaze, nothing mean or hurtful which intrigued Harry.

“Yeah…”

“Who is he?”

“He uh,” Harry glanced quickly at Louis who was staring at him intensely, “He doesn’t go here.”

“How did you meet him then?” Harry was surprised this girl was so interested in his life. He didn’t even know her name.

“He’s, um, my sister’s friend.” Not exactly a lie, Louis could totally be friends with Gemma, in some other universe.

“Is he cute?” The girl said with a smile.

Harry glanced at Louis again, “The cutest.”

Just then the teacher walked back into the classroom.

“Sorry about that. Harry, Jade, you can return to your seats. Everyone, please read your books quietly.”

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and made his way to his seat diagonally behind Louis, watching as, who he presumed was Jade, sit down beside Louis, on the other side. Harry immediately continued reading Macbeth, being the good student he was, meaning he missed as Jade leaned over towards Louis.

“I know you like Harry. Just so you know, he has a boyfriend.”

And Louis could no longer breathe.

* * *

Normally Louis and Harry would find somewhere to meet up at lunch. They would sneak away to Louis’ car, or the backfield, or sometimes even drive all the way back to one of their houses for the lunch hour. However, today Louis was freaking out.

How could Jade possibly know that he liked Harry? And what was that about Harry having a boyfriend?  _ He _ was Harry’s boyfriend! What had those two been talking about at the front of the class? Sure, he had heard Jade say his name and he had noticed Harry’s panicked expression but to be fair, Harry was pretty much always in a state of panic and obviously Jade noticed the two boys hanging out together, although they were hiding their relationship, it wasn’t hard to notice Harry getting in and out of his car every day. 

So after Jade whispered what she did to Louis, he immediately texted Harry.

_ Louis: what did you say to Jade _

_ Harry: She noticed your hoodie _

Louis looked at his boyfriend to see, that indeed he was wearing his hoodie. He hadn’t noticed that before.

_ Harry: She asked if it was yours so I said it was my boyfriend’s _

_ Louis: she told me that _

_ Louis: she also said she knows i have a crush on you _

Louis turned to look at the boy again as Harry read the texts and immediately looked at Louis, fear evident in his features. In the way his eyebrows were furrowed together and his teeth were tugging on his bottom lip, almost drawing blood.

_ Louis: don’t worry baby _

Louis looked up and saw Harry’s face soften slightly, a faint smile tugging at his lips. Harry’s relief caused Louis to calm down considerably.

_ Louis: i’ll talk to her at lunch _

_ Louis: go to the library or something , i’ll come find you after _

_ Harry: Can I wait in your car? _

_ Louis: sure h, wait outside the door and i’ll hand you the keys as i’m leaving _

_ Harry: thanks lou _

“Jade?” Louis whispered to the girl sitting next to him. “Can we talk after?”

Jade thought for a moment before nodding her head.

* * *

Louis and Jade were walking around the streets nearby the school. Louis had immediately lead Jade away from the school after handing Harry his keys, wanting to have this conversation as far away from any prying eyes as possible.

“What makes you think I have a crush on Harry?” Louis asked, curious. He thought he was doing really well at hiding his feelings for the boy.

“I know you guys are friends, I’ve seen you.”

“Yeah, we’re friends. But why do you think I  _ like _ him?”

“Louis,” Jade said, stopping her movement and turning to face the boy, “The way you look at him makes it so obvious.”

Louis swallowed. “I don’t look at him.”

That made Jade laugh, “Bro you are so obviously in love with him, anyone could see it.”

“Everyone else knows?!?” 

“Louis, why didn’t you tell us?” Jade asked. Louis looked down. He was ashamed. He started walking again, back towards the school, so he wouldn’t have to look at Jade.

“The guys will hate me if they know.”

“If they know you’re gay? Dude, half the fucking team is gay.” Jade said, laughing.

“What?” Louis said, shocked.

“So maybe I don’t know if that’s true but I bet at least Charlie is. Have you seen his legs?”

“Okay, but being gay is one thing. Maybe they don’t care if they don’t have to see it, but I can’t be dating Harry or-” 

“Wait you’re not dating Harry,” Jade said, a confused expression on her face.

“Yeah I am,” Louis said, a smile making it’s way to his face.

“No, he said he’s dating his sister’s friend.”

“Nope, he was trying to get you off our trail. We agreed not to tell anyone.”

“Why are you telling me then?” Jade said, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms. They were almost back to school.

“Well you pretty much figured it out on your own, Jade,” Louis said.

“I really don’t believe you. He’s too good for you.”

“What?” Louis said, shocked.

“Ya, he’s sweet, you’re an arsehole.” Louis started laughing.

“Here, I’ll prove it to you.” They were walking towards his car and he moved to the passenger door where he knocked on the window.

Harry startled awake from the short nap he was taking in the front seat of Louis’ car. He looked around confused, glancing out the window to see Louis standing there, next to the girl from their class. Harry opened the door, turning a bit to face Louis, “Hi.”

“Hi baby,” Louis said, immediately causing Harry to blush and look down, “Jade doesn’t believe we’re dating, says you’re too good for me.”

This made Harry smile and turn to Jade for a second before looking back at Louis. Louis crouched down in the car door so he would be at the same height as his boyfriend. “Should we prove it to her, H?” Louis asked.

Harry shrugged, embarrassed. However, Louis ignored the younger boys reddening cheeks and, instead, leaned in, pressing his soft lips to Harry’s. Louis’ arms were pressed against the car frame, keeping him from falling on the smaller boy, however, as Louis pressed into Harry’s mouth, Harry reached his arms up to the boy’s neck, instinctually, bringing his hands up to tug at the ends of his hair. This caused Louis to groan and move his hands to Harry’s waist, only for the older boy to fall into the car, on top of Harry, due to no longer supporting his weight on the car itself.

Harry and Jade immediately burst out laughing. “Okay, okay, I believe you then. Just please stop groping each other.”

“I wasn’t groping him,” Louis whined, situating himself so he was sitting on Harry’s lap, facing Jade. Harry wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend's stomach, squeezing affectionately and leaning his forehead to the back of Louis’ neck.

“Y’all are unbearably cute,” Jade said with a smile, “Well, Harry is.”

“Fuck off,” Louis barked, leaning back into Harry’s grasp.

“Gotta go anyway,” Jade said, chuckling and staring to walk away from the boys in the car, “I’m meeting up with the guys.”

“Don’t fuck Nate in the locker room again today,” Louis called after her, “I’d rather not have to see that again.”

Jade flipped him off before turning around and continuing towards the back doors of the school.

“You’ve got practice today?” Harry asked quietly.

Louis ushered both their legs into the car before closing the door and straddling Harry’s lap so he could face the boy. Harry had his eyebrows furrowed slightly so Louis reached out and ran his thumb between them, immediately softening the teen’s expression. “Yeah, baby.”

“Are you gonna come over after?” Harry asked, a faint pout on his lips that made Louis want to kiss him, so he did. Louis pressed his lips to the boy slowly. Harry immediately responded, lifting his hands to Louis’ face and kissing back, harder than Louis expected. Louis pressed his body into the other boy, opening his lips a bit to lick at Harry’s until the boy opened his mouth a bit too, allowing Louis access. They continued in this way for a few minutes until they heard the warning bell from the school, causing Louis to pull away enough to see Harry’s face, which was adorned with a soft smile.

“I’ll come by after practice, H,” Louis whispered before leaning in and pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of Harry’s mouth.


	7. Sneaking Around

It was around 5:30 one evening when Harry got a text.

_ Louis: i’m coming over _

_ Louis: be there in less than 10 _

Harry had been alone since that day at lunch when he and Louis had driven down the road from the school and made out in the older boy’s car for the hour. Sure Louis had been sweet, kissing him goodbye and promising to text him later, after footie practice, but Harry couldn’t help but miss his boyfriend all the time.

So when he received the text from Louis he got excited. He had been sitting at his desk, working on some chemistry homework, however, with the news of Louis’ impending arrival he closed his textbook and stood up from his desk, deciding to change out of his uniform before Louis came.

Harry walked to his closet and picked out a pair of grey sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt. Although his normal attire consisted mainly of shorts and t-shirts, October had brought cold weather to England and Harry’s mum didn’t want to pay for heating so early in the season. So Harry had to abandon his favourite gym shorts in favour of sweat pants and long sleeves. However, Harry wasn’t too worried about being cold when Louis was over.

As Harry walked down the stairs, running a hand through his lengthening hair in the hopes of taming it even slightly, he heard a knock on the door. Louis had an aversion to doorbells. Harry bounded down the final steps and rushed to the front door, pulling it open to reveal his boyfriend. Louis was standing on the doorstep, car keys in hand as he bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. He was still dressed in his soccer uniform, shorts and high socks visible, although his green hoodie was covering his jersey.

“Hi,” Louis said softly.

Harry smiled and reached for his boyfriend’s hand, pulling him into the house. Louis grinned and stepped in, closing the door behind him to keep out the howling evening wind.

Louis toed off his cleats before reaching for Harry, wrapping him in a hug. Harry squeezed the boy tightly before pulling away, cringing, “Lou,” He whined, “You smell like sweat.”

Louis chuckled and started towards the stairs, walking to Harry’s bedroom as if he lived there.

“Your mum home?”

Harry shook his head, “Do you wanna shower?”

“You know it’s your fault I smell, H,” Louis argued, sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed. Harry sat down beside him, resting his hand on the older boy’s thigh.

“And why is that?”

“You’re just so… so  _ alluring _ , I rushed out of practice so I could be with you,” Louis said, grinning at Harry.

The younger boy fell back on the bed in a fit of laughter, “Go shower.”

“Fine,” Louis whined before leaving the room. Louis had showered at Harry’s before so he already knew where he could find a spare towel, and how to turn on the water.

Harry moved as he waited for Louis, grabbing his laptop and leaning against the headrest, cross-legged. Louis had watched half an hour of his show when Louis came waltzing back into the room, dressed in only a towel wrapped tightly around his waist. A deep blush immediately covered Harry’s face as the older boy made his way towards him.

“Louis,” Harry squeaked, “What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry, H, ‘ve got my boxers on,” Louis said with a chuckle, letting the towel fall onto the floor, exposing his plaid boxers. With the towel gone, Harry couldn’t help but ogle at the older boy’s tone legs, clearly fit from the sheer amount of football he plays. Louis noticed his boyfriend’s intense gaze on his lower half and moved towards the bed slowly. Harry pushed his laptop off his lap, resting it on the duvet beside him before swallowing deeply and sitting up straighter. Louis reached the bed and crawled up to where Harry was sitting, leaning in so they were mere centimetres apart. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Harry replied breathlessly before slowly leaning in to press his lips to the older boy. Louis immediately responded, surging forward so Harry was pressed back against the headboard and Louis was straddling his legs. The older boy brought his hands up to rest on the outside of Harry’s upper thighs, squeezing them tightly to get enough of a reaction out of the younger boy to slip his tongue into his mouth.

Their tongues danced together as Harry’s hands made their way up Louis’ back, coming to a rest just below his hairline, where Harry could easily tug at the short hairs. They continued this way for a while, Louis’ hands slipping under Harry’s shirt and rubbing at the smooth skin of his back and stomach. That was until Louis ground his hips down into Harry’s drawing a deep moan from the back of the younger boy’s throat. 

Just as Louis went to repeat his action, though, they heard the sound of the front door opening. Louis immediately pulled away from his boyfriend’s lips to see a panicked look on the curly-haired boy’s face, one that likely matched his own.

“Harry?!” They both heard the sound of his mother’s voice, followed immediately by the sound of footsteps moving up the stairs.

“Fuck!” Louis swore, jumping away from the young boy and grabbing his towel off the floor. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Louis wrapped the towel around his waist and hastily sat at his boyfriend’s desk, glancing at the boy only to see he was half-hard. Louis was too but he had the towel around his waist, hiding it, whereas Harry’s grey sweatpants left it on full display for anyone, namely his mother, who walked into the room before Louis had time to warn his boyfriend.

“Hi Louis,” Anne greeted Louis with a smile, however, Louis couldn’t help but notice the slight furrow of her brow (that reminded him of Harry’s) as she glanced him up and down, clearly confused by him being in just a towel.

“I came right from footie practice so I kind of smelled, figured I should take a shower,” Louis explained to her, hoping to keep the focus on himself in the hopes that Anne wouldn’t notice her son’s  _ situation _ .

“Alright, will you be staying for dinner?”

“Umm, actually I was gonna see if Harry wanted to go out to grab something to eat with me?” Louis suggested, turning away from Anne’s gaze to see his boyfriend nodding.

“Okay, you guys should probably head out soon then, before it gets too late.”

“Okay mum,” Harry said, bringing his mother’s focus on him. Anne smiled at Harry and Harry smiled back, however, no one in the room missed it as Anne’s eyes widened as they swept over the waist of her son, “Oh!” She exclaimed. “Oh, oh oh.” And with that, she left the room.

Louis was torn between laughing and panicking. On one hand, Harry’s mother’s reaction was absolutely hilarious, but on the other, Louis wasn’t ready to be out. He didn’t want anyone to know that he  _ might  _ be gay or whatever.

So Louis settled for a stifled laugh, confusing Harry.

“Why are you laughing?” Harry asked, standing up and making his way to where Louis was sitting on his desk chair. Harry sat on Louis’ lap, on top of the towel, straddling the older boy as he wrapped his arms around his neck.

“You’re so cute,” Louis hummed, resting his hands on his boyfriend’s lower back. “She saw your boner.”

“Oh my god,” Harry immediately gasped. The younger boy moved his head to rest in the crook of Louis’ neck, almost as if he was trying to tunnel as far away as possible.

Louis laughed again, however, as Harry shifted, embarrassed, in his lap, he couldn’t help but gulp at the feeling of friction between their crotches. He let out a low groan and slid his hands down to Harry’s bum for a moment before he lightly pushed the boy away from him.

“We better go. Before your mum comes in again.”

* * *

It was early November and Harry was sitting in his final class of the day, chemistry, when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He waited until the teacher finished explaining the slide she was on before slowly pulling his phone out, resting it on his lap, under the desk, as he put his password in.

_ Louis: Practice got cancelled , I’ll drive you home ? _

Harry smiled and texted back,

_ Harry:  _ alright, thanks lou

* * *

Harry stood by Louis’ car waiting for the older boy to come. He knew that Louis had class on the complete other side of the school last period and usually stopped by his locker to leave his books there so he wasn’t expecting it when less than a minute after arriving there himself, Louis showed up at the driver’s side door.

“H,” He greeted, unlocking the door so they could both get in. At this point in their relationship, Louis had given his friends the story that their mothers were friends and wanted Louis to drive Harry to and from school, which everyone had accepted to be reasonable. However, they still limited their interaction in the vicinity of the school, trying to be as risk averse as possible.

The two boys got in the car and buckled in before Louis began to drive, Harry fiddling with the stereo, trying to choose a song to listen to. However, when he settled on a song and looked up, Harry couldn’t help but notice that Louis was driving in the complete opposite direction of their houses.

“Uhh, Louis, where’re you going?”

Louis looked over at him for a moment with the biggest grin on his face that Harry had ever seen. One of those smiles where his eyes crinkled completely and Harry couldn’t keep himself from grinning right back. 

“We, my dear Harry, are going on an adventure,” He said as he looked back at the road, taking one hand off the wheel to take Harry’s hand.

“Louuu,” Harry whined a bit, “I’ve got homework.”

“Hazzz,” Louis teased back, “Let loose, H, have some fun for once.”

Harry whined again but slumped back against the seat, pouting until he felt Louis squeeze his hand and he couldn’t help but squeeze back.

They drove for about 45 minutes before Louis was turning into a roadside ice cream shop. 

“We drove 45 minutes for ice cream?” Harry asked as they got out of the car.

“It’ll be worth it,” Louis responded back.

And it was. Although the ice cream was just mediocre - Harry got mint chocolate chip that was a slightly frightening shade of green and Louis got rocky road, which Harry thought was very  _ Louis _ of him - Harry felt almost as though they were on a date.

Which, he supposed, they were. And it’s not like they hadn’t gone out before, they had. They were constantly going through drive thrus and camping out in Louis’ car where they would eat and Louis would get high and then they would make out. But to Harry those never felt like dates.

This time, Louis opened the door for Harry and held his hand as they chose flavours. Louis smiled at Harry and, when Harry got ice cream on his chin, Louis even leaned over the table and licked it off his face. Although neither of them had smoked any weed, as Louis normally did on their ‘dates’, Harry felt like he was floating.

After leaving the ice cream place, rather than getting back on the highway, Louis drove into the suburbs, driving around for a bit before pulling over next to a park.

Harry looked over at Louis to see the older boy smiling sheepishly. 

“You brought me to a park?” He asked excitedly. Louis smiled back and nodded his head, chuckling when Harry rushed to get out of the car. They raced to the swings, Louis winning although Harry deemed it unfair due to his extensive running practice on the football team.

The two boys swung for a while until Harry got tired and leaned back, looking up at the sky. By then it was around 6 pm and the sun was setting, painting the sky with a mural of reds and oranges that were quickly fading to be more purple.

When Harry sat back up Louis was no longer swinging, but rather he was standing in front of the boy. “Want a push?”

Harry nodded and Louis moved to stand behind him, pushing gently on the boy’s mid back to propel him towards the sky. Louis pushed him until the sky was more purple than anything else, which is when he grabbed one of the chains holding Harry’s swing up and pulled it to a stop.

“What are you do-” Harry began but was cut off by Louis lips. They kissed for a moment before Louis pulled away, his hands on the chains of the swing.

“I really like you, H,” Louis said, watching as a soft blush appeared on Harry’s cheeks.

“I know, Lou.” Harry replied, hesitating for just a moment before continuing, “I really like you too.”

The two boys stared at each other for a moment before Louis spoke again, “We should probably get going… Before it gets too dark.”

Harry nodded and let Louis pull him off the swing, holding his hand tightly as they walked back to Louis car. Louis opened the door for him and Harry leaned over to press a kiss to Harry’s cheek before getting in the car. Louis smiled the whole drive back to Harry’s house.

Louis pulled into Harry’s driveway. It was around seven, but it was a Tuesday meaning that Harry’s mum wouldn’t be home until eight thirty.

“Come in?” Harry asked shyly. He knew he really shouldn’t be as shy as he was with his boyfriend but at certain moments he couldn’t help but be reminded of a time when Louis was this popular footie player and Harry was absolutely nobody.

“Course baby,” Louis replied. They both got out of the car and Louis followed Harry as he unlocked the door and then led the two of them to his bedroom. Louis sat on the bed and beckoned for Harry to come to him. Harry moved to stand in between his boyfriend’s legs, linking their hands together.

“Hi,” Harry said softly.

“Hi,” Louis replied before letting go of Harry’s hand and lifting it to the back of his head, bringing Harry’s lips closer so they could kiss. 

It began as innocent as any other kiss but soon Harry was pressing into Louis, causing the older boy to pull Harry to sit on his lap, straddling his hips before pulling them both into a lying down position, Harry on top of Louis.

Louis’ hands had been resting on Harry’s thighs but he moved them to the swell of Harry’s bum, pinching lightly to get the boy to open his mouth. Louis pressed his tongue into Harry’s mouth, pushing it against the younger boy’s.

Harry grinded down into Louis, revealing his half hard erection to the older boy who immediately groaned at the feel of friction of his length, even if it was through two pairs of underwear and jeans. Louis felt Harry’s hands move from his hair to his shirt, tugging at it a bit. Louis immediately moved Harry so he was lying down instead, Louis on top, and pulled off his own shirt, motioning for Harry to do the same.

The two boys were left in just their jeans and underwear, grinding against each other. Louis moved his lips to just under Harry’s jaw, sucking hard enough for a bruise to form as a moan left Harry’s lips.

“Fuck,” Louis groaned. He connected their lips again and rutted against Harry. They were both completely hard and as much as Louis wanted for this to go further, he knew Harry wasn’t ready. So he slowly pulled away, opening his eyes to reveal Harry’s eyes staring back at him, the green colour much darker than usual.

“I’m sorry baby, I think we should stop.” Harry frowned at the older boy’s words and furrowed his brow.

Louis sighed and leaned in to kiss between the boy’s eyebrows, smoothing out the frown and bringing a look of content to the boy’s face.

“Alright?” Louis asked.

Harry nodded in response and Louis got up off Harry. Standing and looking around for his shirt.

“Louis?” Louis stopped his search and turned to look at Harry. “Can you just stay and cuddle me?”

Louis immediately smiled at his fucking adorable boyfriend and jumped onto the bed, pulling Harry into his arms. “Aww, my cuddly boy. My cuddly baby boy.”


	8. Beach

“Lou, please?” Harry begged him.

The two boys were lying side by side on Louis’ bed, trying to figure out what to do with their day. It was the first Friday of December, however, all the kids had it off school and the two boys had simply been hanging out with Louis’ sisters for the day, as his mum was at work.

“Baby I’m sorry but it’s December, I’m not going to the fucking beach.” Louis laughed out. Harry had now been begging him for over half an hour to take him to the beach. Louis shrugged and turned to look at Harry who was already looking at him. “Besides, we’ve got to watch my sisters.”

This only caused Harry to pout and turn his head, followed by his whole body away from his boyfriend. 

“Haz,” Louis sighed, bringing his hand to rest is on Harry’s waist, only to be quickly slapped away by Harry’s own.

“Don’t touch me unless it’s to take me to the beach.”

Louis laughed breathily, “Baby you can’t be serious.”

But Harry just ignored Louis, continuing to stare at the wall as he felt Louis’ eyes on him.

“I’m gonna go check on the girls,” Louis said. Harry could feel Louis’ weight leave the bed, followed by his bedroom door opening and shutting. However, he stayed where he was, lying on his side, pressed up against Louis’ bedroom wall.

Louis, on the other hand, had walked down the hall to the room that occupied his eldest two sisters. He knocked on it before pushing the door open to see only Fizzy in the room, lying on her bed reading a book. 

“You good, Fizz?” Louis questioned.

“Hmm?” She sounded, clearly not having caught what Louis said.

Louis chuckled, “Where’re your sisters?”

Fizzy rolled her eyes and looked back at her book, “Lottie’s watching the twins play downstairs.”

Louis nodded but stayed at the doorway.

“You need something, Louis?” His sister said, annoyance clear in the tone of her voice.

“How would you feel about going to the beach?”

* * *

Somehow Louis had squeezed all four of his sisters into the backseat of his car, which was meant to hold three. Although it was a tight fit, they were willing to be pressed up against each other for an hour given that they were going to the beach. Somewhere that children, and a Mr. Harry Styles, always wanted to go.

As Louis pulled off the road and into the parking lot, his sisters cheered and Louis couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He pulled into a spot in the completely empty lot and turned to look at Harry who was visibly shaking with excitement. 

Harry turned too and grinned at Louis, “Thanks, Louis.”

Louis just smiled at him before turning around to look at the girls, “Remember, no going in the water, it’s too cold. And stay where I can see you. And most importantly…”

Louis trailed off, waiting for one of them to finish his sentence.

“Don’t tell mum,” The older two chorused.

“Alright, team!” Louis exclaimed, “Let’s go!”

They stayed at the beach for a few hours. Louis played tag with the younger twins while Fizzy read her book and Lottie spoke to Harry. Then Harry built sandcastles with the twins while Louis walked along the beach.

“Louis?” Louis turned to see Lottie had caught up with him, where he was about 50 feet down from where they had left their stuff.

“Lottie,” He said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and continuing to walk.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Lots, anything.”

“Harry…” Louis grit his teeth a bit.

“What about him?”

“I dunno what I’m trying to ask, just… You guys are friends?”

“Course we are, he’s my best friend.” Louis hadn’t come out to anyone in his family and he really wasn’t planning on doing it anytime soon, or at all really. 

They walked in silence for a bit, turning around at one point when Louis decided they had walked too far.

“I’m glad you have him. He’s good.”

Louis smiled and squeezed Lottie’s shoulders. “Me too.”

They were slowly approaching everyone else and when Harry heard them, he looked up with a grin, “Lou, come look at our castles!”

Louis couldn’t hold back the smile that took over his face whenever he saw Harry playing with his sisters. It was times like that that made Louis think about a future with Harry. What it would be like for them to live together when they’re older of course. What their wedding would be like, Harry dancing with his sisters. What it would be like to see Harry carrying their kids around and playing in the sand with them.

Louis walked to where Harry was sitting and sat down beside him, leaning over and resting his chin on the younger boy’s shoulder. Harry leaned into the older boy as he showed him his castle before letting the twins go into detail about their own.

“Harry,” Louis whispered into his ear after a moment. The sun was setting and the moment felt so completely picturesque to Louis.

“Hmmm,” Harry hummed in response.

“I’m so lucky to have you.”

Harry smiled and leaned into him more. It was a perfect day.

* * *

Harry couldn’t help but be sad. I mean, he was sad quite a bit but today he was extra down. It was December 22, school had only ended yesterday and now they had two weeks off. Two weeks that Harry was excited to spend curled up in his boyfriend’s bed, or playing in the snow that had just fallen with Louis and his sisters, with whom he had come to absolutely adore. 

But instead, here was his boyfriend, standing at his door saying he had to go to his dad’s for Christmas and wouldn’t be around for most of the break. Now Harry might just be a shit boyfriend, although he thought he was quite alright, but he hadn’t even realized that Louis had any sort of connection to his father, given that before today, Louis had never mentioned him to Harry, only ever hearing about ‘the girl’s dad’ -Mark- or ‘mum’s boyfriend’ -Dan.

“Baby please don’t be mad,” Louis said. Harry hadn’t even let Louis into the house. Louis had texted saying that he would be coming over and Harry had opened the door in the usual fashion, ready to wrap his arms tightly around the older boy, but when he had opened the door he could tell something was off. Louis had been looking at the ground, hands shoved nervously into his pockets when he broke the news to Harry.

“‘m not mad Lou, just…” Harry trailed off, eyes darting around his boyfriend’s oh so pretty face but failing to make eye contact. 

“Just what?” Louis persisted, pulling his hand from his pocket and taking a step forward to rest it on Harry’s arm.

“I didn’t even know you spoke to your dad… and, and I’m sad.” Harry looked down again, he really did feel like a shit boyfriend. 

“Can we go inside?” Louis asked softly, “Let me explain everything, yeah?”

Harry just shrugged and moved aside to let Louis in. He was torn between being upset at the boy for leaving and being sad, missing him even though he was still there. 

Louis stepped inside and began to take off his jacket, beanie and boots while Harry closed and locked the door. His mum had gone to pick his sister up from university and they wouldn’t be back until later in the evening, so it was just Louis and Harry in the house. 

When Louis was done stripping off his winter gear he turned to look at Harry, a look of worry evident in the scrunching of his eyebrows. “Should we go to your room?”

“Mum’s not home so we can just stay down here,” Harry said, walking past Louis into the living room, the older boy following closely behind. Harry sat down on the couch and Louis sat beside him, a few lonely inches of space between the two boys. 

“So…” Harry said, leaning against the back of the couch.

“So my dad called my mum…” Louis said, nodding, “You were right, Haz, I don’t talk about my dad because he usually doesn’t want to see me, he left me mum before I was born. Y’know I talk about Mark, the girls’ dad, and Dan, mum’s boyfriend but not dad ‘cause he doesn’t want me so… so I don’t want him.”

Harry’s chest hurt at his boyfriend’s words. He understood, of course, he did, his own dad had done the same thing.

“Lou, why didn’t you tell me, you know about everything with my dad,” Harry wondered aloud.

Louis looked at him with a pained expression as he shrugged that made Harry want to wrap his arms around the boy, but he stayed where he was.

“Apparently something’s happened so I have to go spend the week with him. My mum didn’t tell me much, just that I have to take the train to London tomorrow and I won’t be back ‘till after Christmas.”

“But Lou, your birthday?”

“I’ve never spent my birthday away from my mum. Or Christmas.”

Harry nodded.

“Baby, can I please have a hug?” Louis asked quietly, causing Harry to look up and make eye contact with the boy, noticing the tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes.

Harry just got up and plopped himself on his boyfriend’s lap, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist as Louis came around him as well. Harry nuzzled his face into Louis’ neck and pressed a soft kiss there as he felt Louis let out a deep breath.

“It’ll be okay, Lou, we can celebrate after you come back,” Harry said.

“But I wanted to spend this time with you,” Louis whined, pulling at the curls at the nape of Harry’s neck, his other hand resting on the younger boy’s lower back.

Harry leaned back a bit, turning so he was sitting sideways on Louis’ lap, his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He looked into his boyfriend's breathtakingly-blue eyes. 

“‘M not mad at you or anything boo, I’m just sad you won’t be here,” Harry explained, holding back a sigh of content at being surrounded by his boyfriend.

“I know, baby, I know…” Louis trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence until they heard the sound of a car in the driveway, presumably Anne with Gemma in tow. With that, Harry reluctantly pulled himself from Louis’ lap, sitting next to him cross-legged and facing the boy instead. Perhaps they were seated a bit too close together, given the fact that Harry’s legs were pressed against Louis’ but neither of them really noticed it, or the look that Gemma gave them as she came into the room.

“Harry! You’re not going to come give me a hug?” She called out, watching as her brother smiled and stood up before walking to her. They embraced for a moment before she whispered in his ear, “That’s Louis?”

Harry nodded and pulled away, going back to where he was seated before, except this time he sat with his entire body against Louis’ not really caring about what anyone thought and just wanting to soak up every moment he had with the boy before he had to leave. 

Gemma sat down on the armchair across from them and Louis smiled at her, “Hi, I’m Louis.”

“I know,” She said, emotionless as she stared at her brother and the boy beside him, not blinking.

“Gemma,” Harry whined, “Be nice.”

Gemma pursed her lips and shrugged, reaching for the remote to turn on the TV. Louis couldn’t help but think about how much she looked like Harry. 

Louis had heard of Gemma. Harry obviously talked about her quite a bit and she had been in her final year of high school when Louis began his first. She was popular so Louis had heard of her although he doubted she knew anything about him. He had been such a loser in his first year, kind of chubby and in the drama club, having yet to discover the wonders of football.

Louis’ thoughts were interrupted when Anne walked into the room. “Hi Louis, I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“I just came to grab something from Harry, I have to go to my dad’s for Christmas tonight. Speaking of which,” He said, turning to Harry, “I should probably get going, come to your room to show me where you put it?”

Harry scrunched his eyebrows together, “Put what?”

Louis rolled his eyes and stood up, taking Harry’s hand in his own to pull the boy with him. “C’mon.”

Harry followed Louis up the stairs and into his bedroom, Louis staying by the door to usher Harry in before closing it behind him. Harry began to ask what Louis needed when he was interrupted by the feeling of Louis’ lips on his own.

Louis kissed him feverishly, taking the younger boy's lips between his and holding Harry tightly by the waist. Harry immediately responded, wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck and tugging at his hair. They kissed for a few moments before Louis reluctantly pulled away, looking into Harry’s slightly dilated green eyes.

“I’ll miss you, baby,” He whispered before leaning in to kiss Harry again, figuring they could spare a few more moments. Their tongues met as Louis licked into Harry’s mouth, savouring each and every flavour that met his taste-buds. All he could think was _Harry, Harry, Harry_ as he dragged his lips from the younger boy’s and connected them to his neck instead. Placing kisses from his collarbone to his ear and his hands slipped down to Harry’s arse. Louis squeezed lightly, hearing Harry gasp as Louis sucked at the spot right behind his earlobe, kissing over it and biting at it lightly before bringing his lips back to Harry’s.

They kissed for a bit more before Louis pulled away again, “I better go.”

Harry nodded and watched as Louis went to the boy’s closet, taking a hoodie before turning back and squinting his eyes at him.

“Oops,” Louis muttered under his breath.

“Oops?” Harry replied.

“Ummm, I may have left a mark,” Louis said, gesturing to the spot on himself.

“What?” Harry exclaimed as he moved to look in the mirror. He gasped when he turned his head and saw a deep purple bruise forming behind his ear.

“Sorry baby,” Louis said, coming up behind Harry and wrapping his arms around him, kissing his cheek. “At least you’ll have something to remember me by when I’m gone.”

Harry pouted and turned around in Louis’ grip, wrapping his arms tightly around the boy’s torso. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Just a few days, baby, and then I’ll be home.”

Louis kissed the corner of Harry’s mouth before slipping from the bedroom, leaving Harry to stew all alone in his sadness.


	9. Christmas

Harry waited in his room for a few minutes after Louis left. He kind of needed to given the fact that he was half-hard from their make-out session. After a while he stood from his bed, where he had been scrolling on his phone, trying not to think about Louis, and went back downstairs.

Harry walked to the kitchen, where he could hear the voices of his mum and sister.

“What did Louis need, hun?” Anne asked from where she was standing at the counter, chopping something for their dinner.

“Um, I just had some of his stuff. His sweater,” Harry said, taking a seat at the table.

“Mmmhmm,” Gemma hummed from beside his mum, catching Harry’s eyes and giving him a look that made it clear she wanted to talk to him later.

The small family spoke while they prepared dinner, Harry jumping in to stir a pot on the stove when his mother asked before they sat down to eat.

Harry was happy to have Gemma home. Although throughout their childhood he often resented the way she took all of the attention, as a young adult, he liked not having to speak as much. Especially on that day, when he just wanted to mope about Louis being gone.

Gemma had been talking about how her exams had gone, about her professors, and about the new boy that she may or may not have been seeing. But as Harry lifted his fork to his mouth to take another bite, the attention was shifted to him.

“So Louis’ going to his dad’s for Christmas?” Anne asked, glancing at Harry before taking a bite.

Harry nodded before taking a bite of food, hoping to stop the conversation there.

“What about his mum and sisters?” Anne pried.

Harry shrugged, “He didn’t really have a choice in it. Apparently his dad had something happen or something… I’m not really sure.”

“He didn’t seem too happy,” Gemma commented.

Harry shook his head, “He’d rather spend it here but he didn’t get a choice so…”

“He doesn’t get along with his dad?” Gemma asked.

Harry shook his head again, “He left.”

And that shut everyone up because it was a story they were all too familiar with.

* * *

After the rest of their dinner was spent in silence, Harry went right to his room, getting dressed before getting into bed, despite it being only around eight.

_ Harry: hi _

Harry sent Louis a quick text before pulling out his laptop and starting to watch his show. He had only gotten to the theme song when his phone vibrated.

_ Louis: hi baby _

Harry smiled.

_ Harry: are you at your dads? _

_ Louis: ya _

_ Louis: you won’t believe why he *needed* me here _

Harry waited for some sort of further explanation but nothing came.

_ Harry: lou? _

_ Louis: sorry H , can i call you ? _

_ Harry: ya _

And just seconds later, Louis’ picture came up on his screen, Harry answering immediately.

“Hi Louis,” Harry whispered.

“Hi baby,” Louis whispered back, his voice quiet through the phone but immediately having a calming effect on the younger boy. “I miss you.”

“Miss you too. Mum and Gemma were asking about you.”

“What’d they ask?”

“Just about you not being here. Speaking of which…” Harry trailed off.

“Yeah… H,” Louis paused and Harry could hear him sniffle through the phone.

“Louis, what’s wrong?”

“He-um… He has another family now.”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, feeling his heart clench for the boy on the other side of the phone. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Louis said, voice cracking.

“Are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?” Harry whispered.

“I miss you. Wish I was with you.”

“Wish you were here too.” Harry heard Louis sniffle again. “It’ll be okay, Lou. When’re you coming back?”

“The 28th.”

“That’s just five days apart. Then you’ll come back and I’ll never let you go.” Louis chuckled at that and Harry smiled, happy to make his boy happy.

“You’re everything, H,” Louis whispered after a minute of silence.

“Five days, babe,” Harry replied.

* * *

“Harry!” Was all that was heard shortly before Harry felt someone jump on top of him, his sister.

“Gemma,” Harry whined, pushing her off him and rolling over, eyes still closed as he tunnelled into his pillow. He was exhausted given that he and Louis had spent almost all night on the phone together, only hanging up when Louis’ phone was about to die.

“Get up! We have so much to do today!”

“Fuck off,” Harry muttered, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He looked around for a moment before taking his phone from where it was plugged in. He ignored the way his sister was staring at him and opened his text conversation with Louis, starting to type out a good morning text to him. Only to have his phone snatched from his hand

“Who’re you texting?”

“Give it back!” Harry said, reaching over to try to take his phone. Gemma leaned away, scrolling on one hand while holding her brother back with the other.

“Oooh, it’s Louis. You guys are in love, right? You haven’t told me anything since that one skype call.”

“Fuck off, give it back!”

“ _ Hi baby _ ,” Gemma mocked, reading the conversation out loud.

Harry groaned and gave up, getting out of bed and going to his cupboard to get out clothes for the day. 

“So you guys are dating then?” Gemma asked, spreading out on Harry’s bed and continuing to scroll through his phone.

Harry nodded and pulled out some clothes. He walked over to Gemma and grabbed his phone back before heading to the bathroom to get ready.

* * *

Gemma decided that she needed to go to the mall so, while their mother was at work, Gemma and Harry caught the bus to the mall. Normally going to the mall with Gemma consisted of Harry following her around while she asked for his opinion on clothes and then completely ignored it. This trip was no different.

That is, until they were standing in a shop, Harry texting Louis, and Gemma looked over at him before shrieking.

“What the fuck, Gem?” Harry complained, trying to ignore the annoyed looks they were getting from those shopping around them.

Gemma marched up to him and tilted his head to the side, “Is that a love bite?”

Harry immediately blushed and swatted her hand away. “Fuck off.”

“Oh my god is that what you two were doing in your room yesterday? While we were in the house? For fuck's sake Harry!”

“Shut up. We didn’t do anything.”

“Then how the fuck did you get that?” Gemma exclaimed, reaching for Harry’s face again, only for him to dodge out of the way.

“We were just kissing.”

“ _ Kissing _ my arse Harry. You know you’re too young to be doing anything.”

“I’m almost sixteen.”

“Too young.”

“You’re such a hypocrite, Gemma, I know you were sleeping around with boys when you were my age.”

“That’s different.”

“No it’s not. Besides, we’re not even doing anything.”

“If you say so…” Gemma shrugged, unconvinced.

* * *

The rest of the holiday passed by in somewhat of a blur for Harry. Of course, on Louis’ birthday, Harry called him right at midnight and sang to the older boy followed by the two staying up until the early hours of the morning, just as they had done the day before, and as they continued to do for the duration of the break.

Aside from that, the holidays were always difficult for Harry and his family. There weren’t many relatives around, most of the extended family had moved away, and Harry’s grandparents had passed only a few years before. They used to have such big Christmases, with Harry’s dad and his family, lots of cousins running around with Gemma and Harry. But that had stopped so now, for Harry’s fifteenth Christmas, it was just himself, Gemma, and his mother seated at a table around a traditional dinner.

Sure they were happy and grateful that they had each other, but Harry couldn’t help but think about what it had been like before, and how much he wished it could still be like that. Harry missed his dad and, at Christmas time, it seemed as though everyone did.

So Christmas was as melancholy as ever and all Harry could think about was waiting until the 28th for Louis to return home.

* * *

The five days that Harry had gone without seeing Louis was the longest the two had been apart since they met. And it was fucking killing him. 

As much as Harry tried to enjoy the time he had with his mum and Gemma, all he could think about was Louis. They would go out for dinner and Harry’s mind would be  _ Louis, Louis, Louis. _ They would watch a movie together and Harry’s mind would be  _ Louis, Louis, Louis. _ Even when they went to visit their grandparent’s graves, all Harry could think was  _ Louis, Louis, Louis.  _

That was why, when Harry woke up on the 28th, bright and early in the morning, he eagerly got dressed for the day. All throughout the break thus far, Harry had been sleeping well past noon, due to the fact that he would be up on the phone with his boyfriend ‘til the early hours of the morning. So when he waltzed into the kitchen at half seven, his mother was duly shocked.

“What’s got you up so early, Harry?” She asked as Harry poured himself a bowl of cereal.

Harry looked up at her with a smile that he couldn’t hold back, “Lou’s coming back today.”

Anne chuckled at her son’s excitement, “What time?”

“Not sure really, I’ll have to text him.”

Harry sat down at the table, across from his mother who was just finishing up her coffee. “Well, I best be heading to work. Let me know what your plans are, ya?”

Harry smiled at her, his mouth full, and she left for work. Harry quickly finished his cereal before shooting Louis a text.

_ Harry: hi boo, what time are you coming back today? _

Then Harry went and sat on the couch, starting up the TV and beginning to play the game he had been working through since he got it for Christmas. Harry waited patiently for Louis to text him back, checking his phone every time he beat a level, but he didn’t hear from Louis.

It was around one in the afternoon when Harry heard Gemma come down the stairs.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” She teased him, coming to sit on the couch beside him.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders and continued to play.

“What do you mean?”

Harry shrugged again, “He hasn’t texted me yet.”

“Oh,” Gemma said quietly before standing up and heading to the kitchen, presumably to get herself some food.

She came back into the room a few minutes later, two plates in hand. She put one down on the table in front of Harry while she sat again, her plate still in her hand.

“Eat, Harry.” Harry ignored her, just continued playing while she watched. Eventually, hunger took over him and he passed the controller to Gemma for her to take a turn while he scarfed down his sandwich. 

The two took turns playing for the rest of the evening until Anne returned home.

“Where’s Louis?” Was the first thing she said when she saw her two children sitting on the couch.

Harry just ignored her, as he had been doing to Gemma all afternoon, while Gemma herself got up off the couch and walked with Anne to the kitchen. Harry quickly turned down the volume of the TV so he could hear what they were saying.

“Where’s Louis then?”

“He never texted Harry back. He’s been pissy all night ‘cause of it.”

“That’s strange. Do you think something happened?”

With that Harry shut off his game and went up to his room, not wanting to think about something happening to Louis. Harry closed his door behind him and lay on the bed, the room only lit by the fading sun coming in through the window, casting a red glow to the room.

_ Harry: Louis? _

Harry turned on some music and just stared up at the ceiling. He watched as the red glow faded to purple before his room darkened so much he could only see directly in front of him. Neither his mum nor his sister bothered him for the rest of the night, although he got a text from his mother saying there was a plate of food for him in the fridge.

It was nearing midnight when Harry’s phone vibrated. He immediately jumped for it, knowing it wasn’t just his mum again given that she went to bed before eleven each day.

_ Louis: come outside? _

Harry got out of bed straight away and tugged on a sweater before slowing leaving his room and tiptoeing down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone. He was just passing the kitchen when he heard a voice, “Where are you going?”

He turned to see his sister sitting in the dark kitchen, the light from her laptop illuminating her face.

“Louis’ here,” Harry whispered.

Gemma gave him a look, “Be careful, alright?”

Harry just nodded and walked to the front door, slipping on his shoes before opening the door as quietly as he could, closing it in just the same way.

As promised, he could see Louis’ car pulled to the side of the road in front of his house, the silhouette of the boy visible due to the streetlight above him.

Harry walked down to the car, glad that he was wearing his sweats tucked into his socks as the temperature felt well below freezing. Harry knocked on the car window causing Louis to immediately turn and open the door. Louis stumbled out from the car and wrapped Harry tightly into his arms. Harry hugged him back, tucking his nose into the boy’s neck, although he couldn’t help but notice the lingering smell of weed.

Harry pulled away after a moment to look at the boy’s face. He noticed his red-rimmed eyes first but then his gaze drifted to the tear tracks that streaked Louis’ face and his heart immediately clenched. He leaned in and pressed soft kisses to the tears before pressing his lips to Louis’.

Louis immediately kissed him back, their tongues meeting in the middle in a desperate connection after having been apart for so long. Harry could taste smoke on Louis’ tongue but he had missed the older boy so much that he didn’t care.

Louis wasn’t a stoner or anything, but on certain nights, when he and Harry were hanging out, he would drive them to the middle of nowhere and he would smoke. Harry didn’t really mind but it worried him that the boy had been driving high, given the clearly buzzed state he was in.

Louis’ hand’s moved to rest on Harry’s bum, squeezing it slightly.

“Louis,” Harry whined out, pressing himself closer even to the boy, pushing them so they were against the car.

“Missed you,” Louis said, pulling away to press kisses along Harry’s jaw instead. 

“I missed you too,” Harry whispered, “Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this in my front yard.”

Louis nodded and nipped at Harry’s jaw again before leading Harry to the other side of the car, opening the door for him.

“Louis, I should drive,” Harry said, avoiding eye contact with Louis but reaching for the keys in his hand.

Louis looked down. He didn’t like it when Harry did that, he thought he was fine to drive, but he really didn’t want to start a fight so he just nodded and handed the keys over, getting in the car.

Harry got into the driver’s seat and started the car. Harry hadn’t known how to drive when they started dating. They couldn’t afford another car and his mother took her’s to work each day so Harry had gotten used to taking the bus or walking everywhere. But Louis had a tendency to get high or drunk and then call Harry. And Harry didn’t want the boy to get hurt so he would drive them home. He had figured it out.

Harry drove them out of their suburb and towards the empty fields that lay on the outskirts of town. This was where they normally went for Louis to smoke and for them to make out. It was far enough out that they had never run into anyone they knew and that day was no different. Harry parked on a dead-end road and turned to look at his boyfriend who had been silent for the ride.

“What happened?” Harry asked softly.

Louis shrugged and turned to look at him, “Can we just kiss for a while?”

Harry smiled and nodded. As much as he wanted to talk about whatever had happened, Louis was too fucking charming for him to resist. 

“Move your seat back,” Louis said. Harry raised an eyebrow at him but did it anyway, laughing when Louis climbed over the console and sat on his lap.

However, his laughing was caught off when Louis reached down and palmed his dick.

Yeah, that shut him up.

Harry reached up and wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck, pulling him down into a kiss as Louis rested one arm on the back of the seat to hold him up, the other pressing down and rubbing Harry’s erection.

They had done stuff like this before, never in a car but they were teenagers with raging hormones so of course, they had touched each other.

Still, though, Harry couldn’t help but gasp as Louis nudged his sweats and boxers down to expose his dick, the cold air of the December night quite shocking.

He was even more shocked when Louis pulled away from where he was marking up his collar bones and knelt down, as much as one can in a car, and took Harry’s dick into his mouth. Harry’s hands immediately flew to Louis’ hair, tugging at it as Louis slowly ran his tongue along his erection before sucking at the head.

“Louis,” Harry moaned out, almost cumming right then and there when Louis looked up at him, lips still wrapped around his dick.

“Uhh,” Harry groaned as Louis sucked more into his mouth, massaging the base of it as well.

“Louis, Louis, Louis,” Harry moaned out repeatedly, tugging at the older boy’s hair. “‘M close.”

That only encouraged Louis and he sped up his pace, causing Harry to cum down his throat just moments later.

Harry sat back, breathless, as Louis came up, rolling down the window to spit out the cum that had collected in his mouth before immediately connecting his mouth to Harry’s.

Harry, wanting to return the favour, pulled his lips away, “Get in the back seat.”

Louis eagerly crashed his way to the back, laying down and letting Harry come to hover above him, in only his boxers and shirt, sweats likely discarded in the driver's seat.

Harry quickly unbuttoned Louis’ jeans and did his best to pull them down. Harry connected their lips as he stuck his hands into Louis’ briefs, starting to rub at his length quickly.

Louis sucked on Harry’s tongue before pulling away and letting out a high pitched whine, just as Harry thumbed over the tip of his erection.

Harry pressed kisses to Louis’ neck, speeding up the movement of his hand as Louis’ whines became more frequent.

“Haz,” He whined as Harry pushed his shirt up, biting and sucking at his chest to leave love bites there.

Soon enough, Louis was finishing into Harry’s hand and Harry slowly pulled his hand from the boy’s pants, wiping it on a random shirt that was on the floor of the car. Harry hovered above the panting boy and pressed light kisses all over his face as he came down from the high.

Louis had closed his eyes and was running his hand along Harry’s spine, under his shirt, causing the boy to shiver. Harry leant down so rather than hovering over the boy, he was lying on him, careful to distribute his weight evenly enough so as not to crush the boy.

Harry was kissing lightly at his neck when he felt the boy’s chest tighten, followed by the sound of a choking sob coming from his lips. Harry immediately lifted his face to see tears leaking from Louis’ eyes, followed by more sobs.

“Louis,” He whispered, “Louis, what’s wrong?”

Louis shook his head and just pulled Harry tighter, holding the boy as if it was him that was falling apart and not the reverse.

“I’m sorry,” Louis choked out, followed by another sob and the sound of Harry’s heartbreaking.

“Baby,” Harry whispered, pulling away from the tight embrace and putting his hands on either side of Louis’ face so he had no choice but to look at him. “What happened?”

Louis just sobbed and Harry didn’t know what to do so he held him tightly. He held him so he wouldn’t fall apart quite as much.

Eventually, Louis’ sobs quieted and his chest stopped heaving. “He has a new family, H, he just wanted me to see that he was happy without us.”

Harry sighed and hugged the boy tighter, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “You don’t need him.”

“I’m scared that maybe I do.”


	10. Trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters

“I think we should tell my mum,” Harry said one day. Louis and Harry had driven out to the water for the day. It had been great. Although it was chilly, January had been kind to England and the two boys were able to mess around on the beach. Dressed in jeans and hoodies, the two built sandcastles and ate icecream and maybe even made out on the sand. And at the end of the day, they were lying on the hood of Louis’ car, wrapped in a blanket as they lay with their sides pressed against each other, one of Louis’ arms behind his own head and the other behind Harry’s.

Days like this made Harry want to be out. Days where they drove two hours away from their little town so as to avoid everyone they know. Harry loved to be able to just grab Louis’ hand and to have the other boy kiss his cheek and smile at him like he held the whole world in the palm of his hand.

Harry got that Louis was scared to come out, Harry was too, but at some point, Harry figured that he was going to have to do it, so why not then?

“Tell your mum what?” Louis asked, turning so he was facing Harry a bit more. Harry leaned up on his side as well, smiling as Louis brought his hand up to finger one of Harry’s curls that were blowing in the wind coming off the water.

“Tell her about us,” Harry said. He watched as an almost unreadable expression covered Louis’ face, though, it was clearly one of discontent.

“I’m not ready to be out, H.”

“It’s just my mum, Lou, I’m pretty sure she already knows.”

Louis fell back against the windshield of the car, a heavy sigh leaving his lips.

“What if she tells someone? I can’t have everyone at school knowing. And-and my family doesn’t even know I’m… whatever…” Harry could tell that Louis was stressing himself out. He seemed to do that anytime Harry brought up this topic. 

“Louis,” Harry said in an effort to calm his boyfriend down. Harry moved carefully so he was basically lying on top of Louis, their faces only centimetres apart. Harry reached his hands up to hold Louis’ face in place before leaning down and pressing their lips together softly. “You’re okay, Lou.”

This seemed to calm Louis down as his face relaxed and his hands moved to the backs of Harry’s upper thighs. 

“Please, Louis,” Harry whined, “It would mean so much to me. I don’t want to be out to everyone, I just don’t like lying to my mum and, come on boo, she probably already knows. She’s almost caught us making out like 10 times. And I think she’s seen both our boners at this point.”

“This is what you really want, H?” Louis asked after a minute of silence. Harry only nodded his head. “I’m scared, H.”

“I know. Me too.”

“Okay baby, let’s tell her.” A smile instantly formed on Harry’s face and he leaned down to kiss his boyfriend in gratitude.

* * *

“Mum?” Harry called later that week when he heard the door open. It had been a few days and, although Louis may have freaked out about it a few more times, Harry had decided that he needed to tell his mum about their relationship. He really didn’t like lying to her.

Louis hadn’t wanted to be there when Harry told his mum and the younger boy agreed that that was probably for the best. Although it was their relationship that Harry wanted to tell her about, it was also his sexuality and he thought that that was something he should do on his own.

So although Louis had come over after school and cuddles his boyfriend for three hours as they watched TV and listened to music, he had left shortly before Anne came home.

Harry was sitting at the kitchen table when his mum came into the room. “Hi love, how was your day?”

“I need to tell you something.” Harry got right to the point.

“Alright,” His mother agreed, sitting down at the table in front of him, “Did something happen?”

Harry shook his head and took a deep breath. Harry opened his mouth to say  _ the  _ words…

And all that came out was a sob.

He couldn’t do it. 

“Harry, love, what’s wrong?” Harry couldn’t say anything. He just stood up, tears falling from his eyes as another sob built up in his chest. Harry ran out of the kitchen, and out of the house as sobs broke their way from his chest.

Harry ran down the sidewalk, socked feet slapping against the pavement until he couldn’t breathe. He leaned down, resting his hands on his knees as he panted to catch his breath, before pulling his phone from his pocket and dialling the familiar number. 

“Hi, baby,” Harry immediately relaxed at the soothing tone of his boyfriend. However, that didn’t stop the sob that escaped his throat as he spoke.

“Lou.”

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Can you come get me?”

“Course, love, you at home?”

“No, I’m at…” Harry paused as he looked around until he found a street sign and a house number, reading it off to his boyfriend.

“I’ll be right there baby.”

Harry was sitting on the curb, sweater-clad hands covering his face, when Louis pulled up in his car. Louis immediately got out and ran over to where Harry was just standing up, instantly pulling the smaller boy into his arms. Louis’ comforting actions only caused Harry to cry harder. Louis picked Harry, one arm under his bum to hold him up, and carried him to the car, opening the passenger door with one hand and placing his boyfriend in.

Louis crouched down beside the car, rubbing one hand on his boy’s thigh while the other stroked his cheek lightly. “Honey.”

Harry looked at him with a look that breaks Louis’ heart in a way he didn’t think was possible. The boy that he was completely gone for looked like he was in so much pain that Louis wanted to hold him tightly in his arms and never let go, for fear of Harry ever experiencing pain like that again. Harry looked at him with a red blotchiness to his normally smooth, pale skin, red-rimmed eyes and lips in a heart-breaking pout that Louis just wants to kiss away.

At least he had stopped sobbing.

“Baby, honey, what happened?”

But Harry wouldn’t tell him. He just shook his head and turned away so he was no longer facing Louis. Louis sighed and stood up, closing Harry’s door gently and making his way over to the driver’s side, taking a deep breath before opening the door and sitting in the seat next to Harry. 

Louis started the engine, buckling in before turning to look at Harry for a moment, although the younger boy just remained facing forward, looking at the road. However, just as Louis put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb, he felt a hand grab his own and grasp it tightly, as if it were afraid either one of them might float away should it let go.

Louis smiled painfully and held Harry’s hand just as tightly as he drove away.

* * *

Louis didn’t drive home that day. He honestly didn’t know where to go or what to do so he drove around until Harry’s grip lessoned on his hand and he could hear the younger boy’s breath’s evening out.

When Harry fell asleep Louis started to drive home. By the time he pulled into his driveway, it was already dark, however, neither of his parents’ cars were in the driveway so he assumed they had gone out. Louis could see that the front porch light was on and that light from one of the upstairs rooms, the one that belonged to the older girls, was still on.

Louis looked over at the sleeping boy in the passenger seat. His head had fallen sideways so Harry was facing the driver’s side, towards Louis. Even in his sleep, Louis could see the stress painted on Harry’s face. In his furrowed brow and his lips pressed tightly together. Louis reached his hand up to the boy’s head and stroked his hair for a moment, watching as Harry relaxed into his hand. However, when a sound came from Harry’s hoodie pocket, Louis pulled his hand away, reaching to gently pull the younger boy’s phone out instead.

Louis turned on the screen to see four unread texts from Harry’s mother. Harry and Louis had shared their phone passwords with each other a few weeks into dating so he quickly unlocked the screen to read them. 

_ Mum: Why did you leave Harry? _

_ Mum: I don’t care what happened, you can tell me _

_ Mum: Harry please come home so we can talk _

And most recently,

_ Mum: I hope you’re safe, I love you _

Louis decided it would probably be for the best if he texted Anne but he didn’t want to pretend to be Harry so he just copied the number from Harry’s contacts into his own.

_ Louis: hi Anne , it’s Louis . Harry’s okay, he’s with me . _

Louis put both of their phones, along with his car keys, into his pocket before exiting the car and making his way over to the passenger side. When he opened the door he noticed Harry stirring a bit, likely from the sound of the car door closing.

“Hi baby,” Louis whispered, reaching down and picking up Harry, wrapping the smaller boy in his arms.

“Lou,” Harry mumbled before burrowing his face into his boyfriend’s warm neck.

Louis chuckled at just how adorable his boy was before closing and locking the car door and making his way to the front door. He struggled to unlock and open the door with Harry in his arms but eventually, he got it open, stepping into the dark foyer and slipping off his shoes before making his way up the stairs to his bedroom. There, Louis lay Harry in the bed, tugging off his sweatshirt and sweatpants as the boy whined sleepily, eyes only half-open. However, after tucking Harry into his small twin bed, Louis got up and made his way to the door.

“Stay,” Harry said quickly, not wanting the boy to leave.

“I’ll be right back, love, just gotta check on my sisters,” Louis whispered back, not wanting to disturb anyone in the house who might be sleeping.

“Okay,” Harry whispered back, turning to lay on his stomach, “Come right back, boo.”

“I will, baby, don’t worry,” Louis said with a light chuckle as he slowly opened the door before closing it behind him, leaving it open just a crack. Louis walked down the hallway, past the bathroom, to where his sisters’ rooms were. First, he entered the one that belonged to the twins, smiling when he saw they were both lying in their beds, nightlight on as they slept. Next, he knocked on the door that belonged to Lottie and Felicite, his oldest two sisters. 

After hearing a response, he opened the door to see Lottie lying on her bed, over the covers with her phone up over her face and Fizzy sitting at her desk with the lamp on, clearly illuminating whatever homework they give in the fourth grade.

“Hi Lou,” They both greeted him as he entered, moving over to sit on Fizzy’s bed. 

“You guys know when mum and dad are coming home?” Louis asked them.

“Late, mum said,” Lottie answered.

“Alright well, you girls should be getting to bed soon, yeah?” Louis suggested. Both girls groaned but Fizzy turned off her desk lamp and went to lie in her bed. Louis waited for both girls to get situated before turning off the light for them, however, before he was able to close the door completely, he was stopped.

“Louis?” Lottie asked, her face appearing in the space between the door and the frame.

“Yes, Charlotte?”

“Who’s that boy you brought to your room?” Louis couldn’t hold in the slight gasp that escaped his mouth.

“It's Harry, Lots.”

“Why were you carrying him?”

“He had a hard day.”

“Is he drunk?”

“Jesus, Lots, your twelve, how do you even know what drunk is?” Charlotte just shrugged. “He’s just… sad, okay? And he’s important to me so I don’t want him to be sad. He’s here so he won’t be sad, yeah?”

Charlotte nodded so Louis reached up and ruffled her hair before turning her around and pushing her towards her bed. “Go to bed now.”

Charlotte giggled but went to bed so Louis closed the door and went back to his room, closing the door behind him and stripping from his clothes before turning to look at Harry. The younger boy was now clearly sleeping deeply, pretty much in the middle of the bed.

Louis couldn’t help but fond over this adorable boy lying in his bed. Louis sat in the bed beside Harry, nudging the boy a bit so he could lie down before pulling Harry into him so the younger boy was basically lying on top of him.

He felt Harry stir but he just stroked his hair lightly until he was sleeping deeply again, snore like noises falling from his lips. Louis lifted his head again and pressed a kiss to the top of Harry’s head before reaching over to the bedside table where he had placed both of their phones.

And then Louis turned off their phones because they didn’t need anyone but each other.


	11. Morning

Harry woke up warmer than usual. His mum hated turning the heat on, didn’t want to pay high bills, so she usually kept the heat very low, if it was turned on at all. This meant that Harry normally woke up freezing his arse off. Except today, he wasn’t.

Harry opened his eyes to see the semi-familiar room of his boyfriend, wrapped in the  _ very  _ familiar arms of said boyfriend. Harry was hugging Louis’ torso tightly, his face pressed into the older boy’s warm skin.

Harry felt good. He felt loved.

That was until he woke up a bit more and remembered what had happened the day before. Harry wasn’t sure why he reacted like that when he had tried to come out to his mum. He had a feeling his mother already knew but for some reason, he just couldn’t get it out. It was as if the moment he opened up his mouth to speak, a wave of fear had washed over him.

He was scared. He was so fucking scared.

Of rejection. That his mother might not look at him the same way.

He was fairly confident his mother wouldn’t kick him out or anything. He was fairly confident she would still love him and still see him as her son. He was just scared that she would see him differently.

All of Harry’s eagerness to come out from just days before had washed away and now all he wanted to do was lie in his boyfriend’s arms forever so he would never have to face the world again. Harry decided he better just go back to sleep, so he could remain where he was.

* * *

“Louis?” Harry heard faintly. Still tired, he tightened the hold he had on his boyfriend and nuzzled into his neck, breathing in the smell of Louis that seemed to always linger on his skin, clothes, and sometimes even Harry.

“Mum there’s someone in his room.”

“Well who is it?”

“That boy, Harry. He’s come over a few times.”

“Have I met him?”

“No, Lou never brings him over when you’re home.”

“Hmmm.” Harry hears a hum. He would love to go back to sleep but the voices speaking were preventing him, not to mention his pillow - ahem boyfriend - was starting to stir.

“I think they’re waking up, Fizz.”

“We should probably go, Lou will get mad that we’re in here.”

As the two voices faded away, Harry felt the arms that were wrapped tightly around his waist squeeze before lowering to his bum, squeezing there as well.

Harry hummed in approval and pressed a kiss to Louis’ neck before whispering, “I think your sisters were in here.”

“Fuck, you think they told my mum?” He heard Louis say quietly. He could feel the boy’s lips moving against his hair.

“I think she may have seen us too.”

“Fuck.”

Harry lifted his face from Louis’ neck to look at his boyfriend. Louis’ face was definitely filled with panic. His lips were turned down into a frown and maybe they were even trembling a bit, a sign that perhaps he was only moments from crying. His eyes had been closed but when Harry lifted his head, Louis opened his eyes, revealing his normally bright blue eyes to be more of a stormy grey colour. 

Louis was clearly very scared.

Harry reached down and took Louis hand from his waist, intertwining their fingers together before squeezing them tightly. “It’ll be okay.”

And with those words, Louis started crying.

Harry had never seen Louis cry. He had always been the strong one in their relationship. He was older and, let's face it, more manly than Harry, stronger than him, both emotionally and physically. Because of this, Harry didn’t really know what to do.

So he guessed. He got off of Louis and pulled the boy into his lap. Although Louis was taller than him (the gap between their heights had slowly been closing throughout their relationship), he fit snugly into Harry’s lap. Curling into a ball as quiet tears slipped from his eyes and Harry rubbed his back.

Louis was a calm, almost pretty crier. Harry’s tears were usually accompanied by breathless sobs and the ugliest face ever, all scrunched up, but Harry couldn’t help but admire Louis as he cried. Sure, the boy that he was gone for was upset which obviously caused him pain, a dull throbbing pain stretching from the pit of his stomach right through his chest. But Louis was so damn pretty.

Louis pulled at Harry’s shirt, gripping it tightly as he cried into his boyfriend’s chest. He felt like he was overreacting as he tried his best to stop the tears leaking from his eyes. “I’m sorry,” He whispered.

“It’s okay, Lou. It’ll be okay.”

Louis pulled back from Harry’s chest to see concern spread on his face. Louis leaned up and pecked his cheek. “Thanks.”

Harry smiled at him and leaned down to connect their lips. Louis kissed back gently. It was a sweet kiss, so unlike their usual teenager desperation-filled kisses. 

“What happened yesterday?” Louis asked him. By now he had stopped crying and was just trying to buy time until he had to go speak to his mother.

“Ummm.” Harry looked down and didn’t open his mouth again to speak.

Louis reaches his hand up to rest on the side of Harry’s face, rubbing his cheek lightly with his thumb. Louis would never admit it but he quite liked being held by Harry, it made him feel safe and maybe the slightest bit less scared for one.

“It’s okay baby, just tell me,” He coaxes, watching as Harry blinks slowly at his words before taking a shaky breath.

“I couldn’t tell her.”

Louis is genuinely shocked by this and it leaves him speechless. Given the state Harry had been in when Louis picked him up yesterday, he had assumed Anne had kicked him out or disowned him or something. Harry not telling her had never even crossed his mind.

“I feel really bad about it now ‘cause of the way I reacted. I mean you’re mum  _ actually _ knows now so you comforting me just really isn’t fair, Lou. I’m so sorry-” 

Louis cuts off Harry’s rambling with a soft kiss.

“Why couldn’t you tell her?”

Harry looks down. “I was scared. I still am.”

“Can I tell you something, H?” Louis slides out from Harry’s lap and moves to sit beside him. They were both leaning against the wall, their sides pressed up against each other in a way that made them way more comfortable than either of them would ever admit.

Harry nods and leans his head to rest on Louis’ shoulder.

“I’m really fucking scared too.” Louis reaches to take Harry’s hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly, as if he might die should he ever let go. And maybe he feels like that’s true. “I’m scared to come out to my mum and my sisters. My friends on the footie team too. I’m scared everyone will hate me and I’m scared they’ll look at me differently and won’t want to be around me anymore. I’m scared my mum won’t love me in the same way.

“But mostly I’m scared of how much I like you, H. I like you so much I don’t know what to do with myself and I’m constantly scared of fucking this up.”

Harry just nods against his shoulder and turns to press a kiss to it. “Me too, boo.”

* * *

Louis and Harry sit pressed up against each other for a while. Just basking in each other's presence. Harry did wonders for calming Louis’ mind and by the time that he had gained enough courage to go face his mother, he was completely at peace.

“What am I supposed to say to her?” Louis asked Harry. He was completely in the dark about this situation. He had never liked a boy before Harry. Frankly, he had never been particularly interested in  _ anyone _ before Harry.

“I dunno, Lou.” Harry paused for a moment and squeezed Louis' hand. “Do you think that maybe she doesn’t care? I mean if she did, wouldn’t she have woken us up and kicked me out?”

Louis thought for a moment. His mum had always made vaguely homophobic comments to him and his sisters. No direct “I hate gay people” or anything but more along the lines of looking down upon them in a minor sort of way. After all, his mum did have gay friends so how bad could it be?

What Harry was saying made sense. If his mum had the kind of problem with it that would truly change his life, she likely would have yelled at him from the moment she caught the two cuddling in his bed. In his defence, if he had a bigger bed, there could have been more space between them.

“I guess you’re right, H.” Louis took a deep breath and turned to face Harry who was looking at him with green eyes full of hope. And there was the other reason Louis had to do this.

Harry was so, so scared to tell his mother. Louis thought that maybe by telling his mum first he could show Harry how ‘not scary’ it really was. At least he hoped that would be what happens.

Louis leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his boyfriend’s lips. “Let’s get this shit done then.”

* * *

They both got dressed before Louis led them down the stairs, his hand holding tightly onto Harry’s. They walked to the kitchen, Harry just a step behind Louis, to see Jay, Louis’ mum, standing in front of the stove, cooking something.

“Mum?” Louis asked quietly, his voice cracking. Harry squeezed his hand in the hopes of calming him down a bit.

Louis, on the other hand, didn’t even feel Harry squeeze his hand. All he could feel was his heart pounding in his chest, the sound reaching his ears. He really didn’t want to do this. He was absolutely, fucking terrified. 

Jay turned around and smiled at her son, glancing at Harry for less than a second before returning her gaze to Louis and speaking. “Does your friend want breakfast, Louis? I’m making pancakes.”

Louis frowned. Friend? “Mum, can we talk?”

“Sure honey,” She said, turning back to the stove and flipping the pancake that had been cooking on the pan. “What’s up?”

“No, can you come sit?” Louis asked, motioning to the kitchen table with the hand that wasn’t being held firmly in his boyfriend’s grasp.

“Alright, let me just finish this pancake.” Louis nodded and led Harry to the table, sitting down and motioning for the boy to do the same. They sat, holding hands under the table, for a minute before Jay came to the table, placing a plate with a stack of pancakes in front of the boys.

“Dig in,” She said, taking a plate off a stack and holding it in front of Harry. Not wanting to be rude, Harry took the plate from her, letting go of Louis’ hand to do so. However, neither of them reached for any of the pancakes.

Louis took a deep sigh before speaking, hoping to calm his nerves even the slightest bit. “You saw us?”

“Saw you what?” Jay asked, a faint smile still present on her face as she looked back and forth between Louis and Harry.

“Mum,” Louis said. “This is Harry.”

Jay smiled at Harry and nodded her head. 

“Mummy,” Louis said, and it just about broke Harry’s heart. Louis was looking at his mum in a way that made him seem so much younger, so much more vulnerable. 

“Please be okay with this… He’s my, um, boyfriend… okay?” Louis said before immediately looking down. Harry stared at the plate in front of him.

“Alright, hun. Pancakes?” Jay replied. Louis looked at her for a moment before looking at Harry, confusion written in his eyes. Louis never thought his mother would be so calm about this. 

“Mummy?” Louis said again. Harry couldn’t help but fond over how adorable the boy was when he was vulnerable.

“Yes, Lou?” His mother replied quickly as she stood up from the table.

“Don’t you want to talk about this?” Harry frowned. He didn’t understand why Louis was basically provoking his mother.

“How about we wait for your friend to leave?”

That made Louis angry. He could tell that Jay was just putting on a front, as she always did in front of people. “Harry’s my boyfriend. And he’s not leaving.”

“Louis please,” She said, glancing at Harry before looking back at Louis.

Harry could tell that she didn’t really want him there, which made him uncomfortable, he didn’t want to overstay his welcome or make a bad impression on his boyfriend’s mum. “No, Louis, it’s okay, I’ll go home.”

Louis turned to Harry with what was probably the most scared expression he had ever seen on anyone’s face, ever. “No,” Louis said quietly, his voice breaking even on the small word.

Harry frowned at Louis and reached up, placing his hand on the back of Louis’ neck and stroking at the ends of his hair for a moment. “I think I should.”

Louis nodded and turned to where his mother was watching them. “I’m driving him home but I’ll come back to talk.”

Jay smiled and waved as if nothing was wrong while the two boys stood up and walked back up to Louis’ room. Harry walked in first with Louis following directly behind him. Louis closed the door and immediately walked into Harry’s arms. Harry wrapped his arms tightly around the boy’s neck while Louis’ arms wrapped around his stomach, his head pressed into Harry’s collar bones. Harry slowly moved his hand to rub Louis’ back while he nuzzled his nose into the top of Louis’ head.

After a few moments, Louis pulled back a bit from Harry, “Get your stuff so we can go.”

Harry nodded, ignoring the way that Louis’ eyes were rimmed with red. He walked towards Louis’ desk and pulled a sweatshirt from the pile sitting on his chair, slipping it on over the t-shirt he was wearing so he could be surrounded by the smell of Louis. He felt like he needed it so he could face his mother when he went home. Luckily it was a Saturday, so they didn’t have school and Harry’s mother would be there to talk to him. He wasn’t too scared anymore, he was more worried about Louis and the way that the boy as sitting silently on his bed, eyes red as he stared at nothing.

Harry grabbed his phone and slipped his shoes on before walking to stand next to the bed and softly ruffling Louis’ hair. “You okay?” He asked, even though he knew the answer was obviously no.

Louis just shrugged and leaned into the younger boy’s touch for a moment before standing and grabbing his keys from the bedside table. “Let’s go.”

As they drove to Harry’s house the two boys kept their hands intertwined tightly together, resting them on the armrest between them. When Louis pulled into Harry’s driveway, the younger boy turned to look at him, “You’ll be okay?”

Louis nodded and looked back at him, “You’ll be okay?”

Harry nodded slowly and leaned in, pressing his lips to Louis’ in the hopes of gaining some of the confidence that normally dripped from the boy. They kissed for a moment before Harry pulled away and opened the door.

He turned back to Louis for one last glance, “If something happens you can come here, okay? I’m going to tell my mum now and I know she’ll be okay with it.”

Harry waited for Louis to nod before getting out of the car and turning back one more time. “You’ve got me, Lou. Okay? You’ve got me.”

This made Louis smile a bit which, in turn, made Harry feel much better as he walked into his house, ready to face his mother.


	12. and his mum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried while writing this

Harry opened the door to see his mother sitting at the kitchen table, looking over some papers. With the sound of the door opening, however, she immediately looked up. “Harry?!”

Harry smiled and stood there as his mum came up to him and wrapped him in a tight hug. “I was so worried about you. Come sit down.”

They both sat down at the table again and Harry couldn’t help but think back to the day before when they were sitting in the exact same way. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was.”

Anne gave him a sad smile, “Louis texted me saying you were with him.”

Harry nodded slightly, the boy’s name bringing a small smile to his lips. His mum pursed her lips before speaking again. “What you wanted to talk about yesterday… It was about Louis, wasn’t it?”

Harry looked down before nodding his head slightly.

“About you and him?” His mum asked again. Harry felt tears fill his eyes before he nodded again.

“Oh honey,” His mum said, standing up and pulling Harry into a hug. Harry immediately let out a small sob at the feeling of his mother’s arms around him. He had been so scared, and he still kind of was.

“I’m sorry, mum,” He choked out, coughing against her shoulder.

Anne shook her head before holding Harry away from her, looking him in the eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Harry.”

Harry nodded and let his mum reach her hand up to wipe at the tears leaking from his eyes. “Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that to be sorry for loving someone.”

Harry nodded again before going in for another hug. 

“I love you so much, Harry.”

“Love you too, mum,” Harry whispered into her shoulder.

“How about we go watch some TV and you can tell me about you and Louis, ya? You know I had a feeling something was going on, I’ve caught you cuddling way too closely for you to just be friends.” Harry giggled and nodded as his mum led them to the living room.

Harry sat down on the couch as his mum grabbed the tv remote and a blanket which she lay over both of them, switching on one of her favourite programs to play in the background.

“How long have you guys been dating then? Wait you are dating right?”

Harry nodded, “Since the end of September so it’s been a few months.”

Anne smiled, “I’m glad it’s him. He’s such a sweet boy.”

Harry blushed and nodded in agreement, Louis was the sweetest boy.

“And who else knows?”

“Umm, just this one girl from school and, and Gemma I guess.”

“How did your sister know before me? She lives two hours away!”

Harry giggled, “We Skype, ya, and you know she just has a way of knowing everything.”

Anne laughed and they continued in that way for a while. It was later in the evening, when Harry’s mum was starting on dinner, that they heard a knock at the door. 

“Can you get that, hun?” Anne asked her son.

Harry nodded and wiped his hands on his pants, they were damp from the carrots he was chopping for his mum. Harry opened the door to see Louis standing there. In his hand were his car keys and a small duffle bag, but that wasn’t what had Harry’s attention. What caught Harry’s attention were the tears that were falling from Louis’ red-rimmed eyes.

“Louis?” He asked, not really sure what to say.

“H, can I stay here?” Louis’ voice cracked on the last word so Harry just nodded and motioned for the boy to come in. He dropped his stuff on the floor by the door as he began to take off his shoes, avoiding looking at Harry.

“Who is it?” Harry hears his mum yell from the kitchen but he was way too worried about Louis to pay attention to anything but the blue-eyed boy standing in front of him.

Harry tilted his head to the side, “Louis?”

But Louis ignored him and continued staring at his shoes which he was seeming to have quite a bit of difficulty removing. 

“Louis,” Harry said again, this time seeming to break into whatever bubble had encapsulated Louis’ mind. He looked up at Harry, eyes full of tears.

“Babe,” Harry whispered and opened his arms a bit as an invitation for Louis.

Louis shrugged before stepping into his boyfriend’s arms. Usually he was the one comforting Harry so it felt strange to be in his boyfriend’s arms for the second time in less than 24 hours. Even so, Harry made him feel so fucking safe. And Louis was so so scared that he really fucking needed Harry.

So as Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck, one hand moving to rub his back and the other going to stroke the hair on the back of his head, Louis wrapped his arms tightly around Harry’s torso and buried his face into the younger boy’s neck, trying his best to muffle the sobs that had started to escape his chest.

“Harry who was at-” Harry looked up to see his mum standing by the doorway to the kitchen.

_ ‘What happened?’  _ She mouthed, clearly not wanting to call attention to herself.

Harry just gave a small shrug and a look to his mother that he hoped conveyed his confusion. He honestly didn’t know what happened. He could assume that it had something to do with his mother and them being caught that morning but he was way too focused on the fact that his favourite person in the whole world was soaking his shirt with tears to think about the reason why this may have been happening. All his mind was saying was  _ Louis, Louis, Louis, _ and how to make this boy stop crying.

So Harry and Louis stood in the front hall of Harry’s house, holding each other because Harry was only 16 and didn’t know how to make the person he maybe, kind of loved stop crying.

It took a while for Harry to coax Louis to stop crying and bring him up to his room. Anne had left them alone for the evening, only interrupting once to bring two plates of food up for them. She left them on Harry’s desk, only glancing at the way that the boys were seated. Harry sitting up as Louis lay on the bed, his head resting on Harry’s lap as Louis pressed his face into Harry’s stomach to muffle his cries, gripping tightly to the back of Harry’s shirt. All the while, Harry just sat there with his phone in one hand, the other tangled in Louis’ hair, softly stroking and tugging at it in the hopes of calming down the older boy.

Later, after Louis had fallen asleep and the sun had gone down, did Anne knock lightly on the door, stepping in quietly when she saw that Louis was sleeping.

She took in Harry’s tired expression before speaking, “Is he alright?”

Harry just shrugged, really not knowing the answer.

“Do you know what happened?”

“Umm,” Harry whispered, not sure whether it was his place to say anything to his mum. “We were both s’posed to come out today.”

Harry looked down, heart-clenching at his boy’s tear-stained face that was resting in his lap.

“Oh,” Anne commented, hesitating for a moment before speaking again, “Tell him he’s welcome to stay here… As long as he needs, love.”

Harry looked up at his mum and gave her a sad smile before looking down and Louis again and stroking his cheek. “Thanks, mum, it’ll mean a lot to him.”

“No one should tell you not to love, Harry. Don’t ever let someone do that to you.”

Harry nodded at his mum’s words, although she had basically said the same thing to him just a few hours earlier.

“But now that I know you’re dating, no more sleepovers,” Anne said quietly with a chuckle. Harry pouted at her but she just snapped her fingers, “No, Harry. Go sleep in your sister’s room.”

Harry sighed and nodded as his mum left the room. Harry slowly slid out from Louis, resting a pillow under his head and a small blanket over him. Harry leant down and pressed a small kiss to Louis’ forehead, “G’night, Lou.”

* * *

Louis took the long way back to his house after dropping Harry off. He really wasn’t sure what to expect when it came to his mum. For his entire life, she had been quite unpredictable. Many ups and many downs that had affected him and his sisters for as long as Louis could remember. 

Often, when he thought that his mum would be sad about something, she would react in the opposite way, looking on the bright side. This was something he loved about his mother, the way that she was able to look at the bright side of things and change the way that Louis saw a situation. One thing, in particular, she did with this was with Louis’ dad. Whenever Louis felt bad about him being gone, his mother would point out all the reasons he would be ruining their lives if he was still there. And how if he had never left then they wouldn’t have the girls, and Louis really loved his sisters.

But often his mother reacted badly to things that Louis didn’t deem all too important. Like the time he brought home one bad grade and she yelled at him for an hour straight. Louis was scared that she would react like that.

So he took the long way from Harry’s house to his, extending his drive by 30 minutes. 10 minutes more that he didn’t have to face his mother.

But eventually, he pulled into the driveway of his house. Honestly, he was lucky that his mum had found out on a Saturday rather than any other day of the week. Usually, his sisters were home and always caused a ruckus, however, every Saturday, his mum’s boyfriend would take them to their respective activities. Swimming for Lottie, soccer for Fizzy, and dance for the twins. Occasionally, he would go to see each girl perform their respective skills but he assumed that would not be happening today. 

Lous turned off his car and exited it, opening his front door to see his mum sitting on the couch in the living room, seemingly waiting for him.

“Sit down, Louis,” She said, motioning for the couch across from her.

He toed off his shoes and dropped his keys onto the table before sitting down and looking up at his mum, waiting for her to speak.

“Why don’t you explain to me what’s going on?” His mum said.

“Harry’s my boyfriend, mum, we’re dating.” Jay looked at him like he was crazy.

“So you’re gay then?”

Louis shrugged, “I dunno. I just, uh, I just  _ really _ like Harry.”

Louis and Jay maintained eye contact for a moment before Jay spoke.

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Louis. You’re too young. You’re not gay.”

Louis couldn’t speak. 

“You can’t see Harry anymore. I don’t want him around if he makes you think you’re gay.”

He had no idea how he was even supposed to react to that. Sure, he hadn’t expected his mum to act in complete acceptance of him or anything but this was something else. To have his mother say that he couldn’t see the only person in his entire life that he maybe kind of loved a little bit was… It was absolutely horrible and Louis couldn’t say anything as he felt his chest tighten. 

“Mummy,” He choked out after a minute, “Mummy I love him.”

“No you don’t, Louis, you don’t know what you’re saying. You’re seventeen, you don’t even know what love is.”

“I love him,” Louis said, standing up from the couch, “And you can’t make me stop loving him.”

“You don’t know love!” Jay replied, standing up from the couch.

“Well, neither do you!” Louis shouted back. “Dad left us and Mark left us and I am sure as fuck that that is not the fault of either the girls or me!”

Louis looked down to catch his breath, missing the way that tears began to prickle in his mother's eyes, the same way that they were in his own.

“Get out,” His mother said quietly.

“What?” Louis whispered, “What?”

“You’re not welcome here anymore,” Jay said, crossing her arms and sitting back down on the couch.

And once again Louis felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Mummy?” He cried out quietly.

But Jay ignored his cries. “Pack your stuff and get out.”

Louis choked back a sob before scrambling to get off the couch and go to his bedroom. How could his own mother do that to him? The woman that had given birth to him. The woman that raised him. For years before she met Mark and Lottie was born it was just the two of them against the world. And now she was kicking him out. All because of who he loved.

Louis couldn’t hold back the heartbroken sobs that left his mouth and shoved various clothes into his duffle bag, making sure to grab his footie uniform and one of Harry’s sweaters before also grabbing his backpack and making his way down the stairs. As Louis passed by the living room he paused for a moment, observing the way that his mother was sitting, as if in a portrait, stoic as she stared out the window.

He had always thought that his mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. Even with five kids, she had always been the most loving and carefree woman that had been around when Louis was a toddler. She had only been eighteen when Louis was born and she used to take him so her uni classes. Although Louis was a rambunctious toddler at the time, he loved going to the classes because Jay’s classmates and teachers would often fond over the adorable boy. Many of her professors would carry Louis around as they taught, completely taken with the young boy’s energy and curious mind. And even later on, when Louis was four and Jay met Mark, she always made time to spend with Louis, her firstborn, her only son. Sure, as time went on and Jay had more children, there was less time for her to spend with Louis, but at the end of the day, the relationship that they had from the few years that it was just them, living in some tiny apartment in Manchester had bonded them together for life.

Or so Louis thought.

Now, as he noticed his mother starting to turn towards him, he quickly scurried out of the doorway, rushing to the front door to get his keys and shoes. 

He never wanted to see the look of rejection in her eyes again. 

Louis tugged on his shoes and threw his bags over his shoulder, grabbing his keys from the table and rushing out the door. 

However, as he closed it behind him, the car full of his sisters pulled into his driveway. He didn’t want to say it, but he had forgotten about them for a minute. Sure, he could leave but what about his sisters. He couldn’t live without them.

“Lou!” He heard one of their high pitched voices call as they all scrambled out of the car. The first to reach him was Fizzy, who rushed to wrap his arms around him before the twins reached him as well. Louis reached down to hug Fizzy tightly, kissing the side of her head before pulling away and picking up Daisy, the five-year-old squirming in his arms as he hugged her with everything he had in him, not knowing when he would see them next.

“Louis?” He heard Lottie say, voice quiet. He pulled his face away from where he was planting a kiss on Daisy’s head to look at his eldest sister. “What’s wrong?”

Louis shook his head, “Just give me a minute, Lots.”

Louis reached down and pulled Phoebe into a hug, filled with just as much love as the one both her sisters received. He kissed her head before pulling away and kneeling down a bit so he could be face to face with his sisters, ignoring the way that his mum’s boyfriend, Dan, was watching from nearby.

“I have to go away for a bit, okay?” Louis watched as the girls nodded. “But, I love you, okay? Don’t forget how much I love you. And if you want to talk, ask Lottie to call me. Don’t care if she’s on the phone with her boyfriend, make her hang up so you can talk to your cool older brother.”

The girls giggled at that before running past him into the house. That is, except for Lottie, who was leaning against the garage with her arms crossed expectantly.

“Tell mum I’ll be in in a bit,” She said to Dan, who nodded at her and then Louis before going into the house. Louis walked to his car and opened the back door, tossing his bags in before opening the driver’s side door.

“Get in, we’ll talk here.”

Lottie nodded and they both got into the car.

“Mum kicked me out,” Louis said blatantly.

“What?!” Lottie shouted immediately, causing Louis to flinch slightly.

“She kicked me out,” He said again, quieter this time as his throat thickened with the tears he was holding back.

“How could she do that? Why would she do that?” Lottie exclaimed, turning to look at Louis.

Louis avoided her gaze though, swallowing the knot in his throat before speaking, “You know Harry?”

Louis looked up to see her nodding. “I’m in love with him.”

“Oh,” Lottie pursed her lips.

“Yeah,” Louis said quietly, “Oh.”

Lottie reached across the console and grabbed her brother’s hand, squeezing it. “You know no one really cares if you’re gay anymore.”

Louis shrugged, “Mum cares.”

They didn’t say anything after that. They sat in silence for a few minutes, soaking up the time they had together.

“You’ll be okay?” Louis asked after a while.

“Why are you asking me that? Shouldn’t I be asking you?”

“I’ll just go to Harry’s. I’ll be okay.”

Lottie nodded.

“I expect you guys to call me, Lots, you’re in charge now that I’m not here. You need to make sure the girls brush their teeth and do their homework and go to bed on time and I need you to make sure you guys call me. As much as you want. Please.”

“Of course, Lou.”

“And don’t be too hard on Mum, please. She’s trying her best.”

Lottie didn’t say anything. She just gave her brother a sad smile before squeezing his hand tightly and getting out of the car. Louis waited for her to get inside the house before he started driving to Harry’s, tears gathering in his eyes.

  
  
  



	13. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please listen to fine line as you read this
> 
> [also it's incredibly short so massive apologies for thet]

Harry couldn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t sleep because all he could think about was the way that the boy he loved had cried himself to sleep in his lap.

The boy that he loved. He loved Louis. Harry thought he couldn’t possibly love Louis. They had only been dating for a few months and they were in high school. You don’t love your high school boyfriend. You date until you both go away to college and then you break up, that’s it. But with Louis… Fuck, with Louis, Harry thought he’d been in love with him forever. Or maybe not forever.

Sure he’d had a crush on the boy since year 10 but he hadn’t been in love with him. Not at all. No, Harry thought that perhaps the moment he fell in love with Louis Tomlinson was the time they went grocery shopping. Or the time that Louis held Harry because he felt sad. Or the moment that Louis kissed him and then tugged on his curls.

He really couldn’t pinpoint the moment which disappointed him a bit. How could he not remember the moment he fell in love? As much as he would like to pin it down to one thing that Louis did, Harry thought, it was everything Louis did. Louis as a whole, really. The boy was just, everything to Harry. He was fucking, everything.

And that’s the real reason that Harry couldn’t sleep. Because that boy was everything to him, yet he had shown up at his door in tears and Harry couldn’t do anything but hold him, try his best to calm the boy down.

It scared Harry to no end, thinking about what must’ve happened to put Louis in that state. He knew that it had something to do with his mum but Harry couldn’t imagine her doing anything to put Louis into the state he was.

Harry had never met Jay before that day, but Louis had always spoken to her as if she held the entire world in her hands. And Harry supposed the opposite, in fact, was true. Jay held Harry’s whole world in her hands. She had raised the love of his life and Louis loved that woman to no end. And she ruined him.

Harry turned around bitterly in the bed, trying not to think about Louis’ mum, in fear of getting too riled up. However, minutes later, when he still couldn’t sleep, he decided he best get up and grab a glass of water. He narrowed his eyes at the way the bed squeaked, wondering how Gemma ever snuck out if it made that much noise (and he was fairly certain she had snuck out quite a bit while in high school). 

Harry opened the door just enough to squeeze out, but as he moved to go downstairs, he heard the quiet sound of crying coming from his room. Knowing it must be Louis, Harry abandoned his quest to get some water and instead hurried to his room. Harry knocked lightly on the door before opening it, again, just enough to slip in, closing it behind him.

Harry took a step towards the bed to see Louis now fully under the covers, shielding even his head from view. But even with the older boy completely void from view, Harry could hear quiet sobs racking through Louis’ body, choking and sputtering through his throat.

“Lou?” Harry whispered as he approached the bed. He leant down beside the lump under the covers and pulled back the duvet, exposing Louis. The older boy’s hair was plastered down across his forehead as his lips trembled and tears fell from his eyes.

“Baby,” Louis whimpered out, making Harry’s heart shatter completely at just how torn apart his boy was.

Harry reached down to push the hair off Louis’ face before slipping under the covers beside him, sitting against the headboard and pulling Louis to sit on him. Neither of them were quite sure when it had happened but at some point during their relationship, Harry had grown to be taller and bigger than Harry, but to be fair, Louis was never that big to begin with.

Either way, their newfound sizes made a position such as this much easier. Harry was able to wrap his entire body around Louis, just wanting to do everything in his power to make him feel  _ safe. _

Louis sat on Harry’s lap, facing the younger boy, his feet placed on either side of Harry’s hips as he leaned so his entire weight was pressed into Harry’s chest, his forehead right at Harry’s sternum.

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis tightly, trying to just hold the boy together as he continued to cry in his boyfriend’s arms. Harry rubbed the older boy’s back occasionally, trying to think back to all the times Louis had comforted him.

Harry tried to think about what he could possibly do to comfort Louis but eventually, with just the presence of Harry, the boy’s sobs slowed and his breathing evened out.

“Sorry,” Louis eventually whispered, his voice getting lost in the dark of the night.

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered back before pressing a kiss to the top of Louis’ head. With that, Louis lifted his head from where it was rested on Harry’s chest and he looked up at his boyfriend. Louis brought his hand up from where it was clenched tightly around Harry’s shirt to rest on the side of Harry’s face, just staring at the boy through his dampened eyelashes.

Louis admired the way that Harry’s green eyes were completely enraptured with his own face, never breaking eye contact with Louis as the older boy ran his thumb over Harry’s cheek, then jaw, then lips. And then Louis connected their lips and admired the way that due to their few months of dating, they both knew exactly how the other liked to be kissed.

It was a sweet kiss, all lips and love.

And when the pulled away, faces solemn but hearts happier than they had been the moment before, there was only one thought on Harry’s mind.

“I love you.”

And not a beat later,

“I love you too.”


	14. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter makes me sad af
> 
> also low-key cameo from another band member, but you have to look closely to notice it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3: Where They Fall Apart

After that night nothing really changed too much. Louis continued to stay in Harry’s room while Harry would go to Gemma’s room each night before sneaking back to sleep beside Louis. Louis was, of course, sad, devastated, distraught, about what had gone down with his mother but there was very little he felt he could do about it. He couldn’t force his mother to accept him, to love him for who he was and who he loved.

And that’s right, Harry and Louis were in love. 

They weren’t the type of couple that were always saying it to each other, although perhaps, in a world where they weren’t hiding their relationship from almost everyone, they would be. No, they were the kind of people that really didn’t say it. Except Harry would whisper it into Louis’ ear as they fell asleep, arms wrapped tightly around each other. And Louis would mouth it to the younger boy when they passed by each other in the hallway.

Their love for each other was kept as a secret to them and they loved it. They loved the privacy and intimacy that it afforded them.

And that was enough for them.

* * *

The day after Louis showed up at Harry’s house, in tears, was spent with the two boys cuddling in Harry’s bed. Now that Anne knew about their relationship they felt much freer to express their adoration for each other.

Harry was laying with his head against the pillow, Louis laying half on top of him. The older boy’s head was pressed into the crook of Harry’s neck, arms and legs wrapped tightly around his boyfriend. Harry, on the other hand, had one arm around Louis, both of his hands holding onto his phone, which he was holding up so the two of them could watch Netflix.

As they watched the TV show, Louis could feel himself beginning to drift off, however, just as Louis let his eyes shut there was a knock on the bedroom door.

“Come in,” Harry said loudly, Louis tried to move away from the boy so that they would be in a less  _ couple-y _ position for Anne, but Harry held him tightly, not letting him scoot away.

“Hi boys,” Anne said, opening the door. Although she was happy to have Louis stay with them, and adored the way that her son clearly cared for the boy, she couldn’t help but feel very concerned about Louis. Even then, as she took them in, Louis’ eyes were rimmed red and he was grasping onto Harry’s shirt so tightly his knuckles had paled. It was as if he was worried he might float away from her son.

“Louis?” Louis looked up at her with a small smile, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Louis nodded and sat up with Harry.

“I’ll go downstairs for a minute,” Harry said but as he went to move away Louis felt his heart immediately begin to pick up speed and he quickly reached and grabbed onto Harry’s wrist, stopping him from leaving.

Harry looked at him, his expression torn between sorrow and concern for the boy he was in love with. “I’ll be right back, Lou.”

But as he went to move away again he heard a quiet whine come from Louis, followed by the trembling of his bottom lip. Harry gave his mum a sad smile before sitting back on the bed and pulling Louis into him. Louis pressed his face into Harry’s neck, and Harry slowly rubbed his back.

“Can you come back later, mum?” Harry asked quietly.

Anne nodded and then left the room, wanting to give the pair some space.

“Lou,” Harry breathed out after Anne left the room. Louis pulled himself from Harry’s neck to look at him through wet eyelashes.

“Yeah?” He said quietly, voice cracking.

Harry sighed and pulled him back into a hug. “What can I do for you, baby? What can I do to make you feel better?”

Harry felt Louis shrug and grasp onto him more tightly, “Just stay right here.”

“‘Ve gotta go to school tomorrow, babe.”

Louis sighed deeply and nodded, “I’m not going.”

“Angel.”

“Just one day off, H. I just need a day and then I’ll go.” Harry nodded in understanding.

“What happened yesterday, Lou?” Harry asked quietly, not wanting to strike a nerve in the boy.

Louis sighed again before shaking his head. “I, I can’t Harry. I don’t want to think about it.”

“She didn’t uh, hurt you did she?” Harry asked cautiously.

Louis shook his head again, “No… not physically.”

Harry sighed and hugged the boy tighter.

“She kicked me out.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

It was only later that night they were sat at the kitchen table eating dinner that Anne got the chance to speak to Louis. They had eaten, Harry leading the conversation which was quite different than their normal habits. Usually, when Louis stayed for dinner, he spent the entire time conversing with Anne about everything from his sisters to her job, all the while nudging Harry’s feet under the table with his own, accompanied by light kicks to the younger boy's shins.

Today though, Louis stared down at his plate and ate slowly, while Harry spoke, albeit with much more restraint than his boyfriend usually did. It made the room quite tense in a way.

After they had finished eating, Louis’ plate still about half full, Harry cleared the dishes and began to clean up the kitchen, wanting to give his mum the chance to talk to Louis without Harry in the way.

Sure, he was just on the other side of the room, but he didn’t think Louis would be letting him leave any time soon.

“Louis,” Anne said cautiously, not wanting to do anything to upset the boy after seeing the way he had been that afternoon. Louis looked up from where he had been staring at his hands and tried to give Anne a smile, which ended up as more of a grimace than anything else. “I just want to talk to you for a bit, that’s okay?”

Louis glanced at Harry who nodded and gave him a smile. It was killing Louis how much he was relying on the younger boy at that moment. Louis liked to be the protector, the one to comfort rather than to be comforted. Louis looked back at Anne and nodded the slightest bit.

“I need you to know that you’re always welcome here. No matter what happens, between you and your mum or you and Harry, you can always come here for help. Or even if you just need something, anything at all.” Anne reached across the table and took Louis’ hand in hers as tears began to form in the boy’s eyes.

“I can only imagine how hard it has been for you to deal with all that’s happening right now. I can’t imagine what’s going through your head but I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Harry. No one should tell you not to love, Louis. Go out into the world and love anyone and everyone with your entire heart.” Anne paused and squeezed Louis’ hand. “You can stay here for as long as you need, okay? You’re ours now. You need anything and you just let me or Harry know. Your sisters can come over here too, I’d love to have some more girls around now that you two will be here all the time.”

Louis smiled and nodded through the tears that were gathering in his eyes. This was what he had needed from his own mother. But he would take what he could get.

Anne stood up and walked around the table, pulling Louis into a hug. Louis embraced her with everything he had, relishing in the kind of  _ mom _ hug he thought he would never get again. “I love you, Louis. Everyone in this house loves and supports you. You’re my son now.”

So maybe it wasn’t all bad then.

* * *

The next day, Harry went to school, Anne went to work, and Louis took the day to himself. Both boys had woken up in Harry’s bedroom to the sound of an alarm. Harry groaned and sat up, grabbing his phone to turn it off before turning to his boyfriend. Louis had his face pressed into the pillow so Harry reached over and started running his hand through his hair slowly. Louis groaned and leaned into the boy’s touch.

Harry smiled and leaned down, pressing his lips to the shell of Louis’ ear before whispering, “Morning Lou, you’ll be alright?”

Louis nodded his head slightly so Harry rolled out of bed, changing quickly into his uniform and pulling one of Louis’ hoodies from the floor, over his clothes. Then Harry walked back over to his bed, pulling the covers up around his boyfriend and lying back down next to him, over the comforter. Louis revealed his face from the pillow, leaving the boys to be face to face.

Harry leaned in and pressed a kiss to each of the older boy’s cheeks, then his nose, and his chin. 

“What’re you doing?” Louis whispered.

Harry hummed, continuing to press kisses to Louis’ face, “Just making sure you’re gonna be okay.”

Louis smiled and grabbed Harry’s face to keep him in place, just an inch away. “I love you, baby.”

Harry leaned in and pressed a kiss to Louis’ lips, the older boy kissing back for a moment before pulling away. “I love you, too.”

Harry sat up but Louis could still sense his hesitation to leave so he reached across and took his hand. “I’ll be okay, now go.”

Harry leaned down and pressed one more kiss to the side of Louis’ face. “Okay, okay.”

* * *

Louis stayed in bed for a couple more hours until he began to feel restless. He sighed and got dressed, settling for a pair of Harry’s joggers along with one of the younger boy’s hoodies. Louis then went down to the kitchen, quickly eating some cereal before grabbing his keys and heading out the door.

Louis hadn’t driven since he had gotten kicked out of his mother’s house. However, Louis swallowed around the lump in his throat and started the engine, pulling onto the road, driving aimlessly as he fiddled with his CD’s.

Louis settled on a song as he pulled in front of the house where he used to live. He missed his sisters, and his mum, and his old life. He missed feeling like he had a home. Sure, Anne and Harry were very welcoming, but nothing was the same as family. Louis could feel pain in his chest as he looked at the chalk drawings littering the empty driveway, clearly the work of the twins. He missed them so fucking much. 

Louis had taken to texting Lottie quite frequently, her being the only one with a cell phone, however, he hadn’t gotten the chance to speak with his sisters as Lottie was afraid of getting them caught by their mother.

Louis sighed and pulled away from the house, the family, that was causing him so much pain. And then Louis drove into town, the busy part where he could see so many people simply living their lives, something he couldn’t seem to figure out how to do anymore.

Louis parked at a coffee shop and walked in, ordering a tea and a slice of cake before taking a seat in the corner by a window, where he could see the people walking by. 

Louis was completely caught up in his thoughts when his food was placed on the table in front of him.

“T-thank you,” Lous stuttered out, feeling very on edge for some reason. He looked up at the worker that had brought his food over. He had dark hair, olive skin, and tattoos all the way up his arms.

“You alright man?” He asked Louis. He nodded and the boy walked away. Louis couldn’t help but think that maybe, on a different day, in a different life, they may have been friends.

* * *

“I feel like an orphan,” Louis whispered.

Harry turned to look at him. The two of them were lying in Louis’ car, seats all the way back so they could stare out the sunroof at the stars.

Harry reached across the armrest and grabbed Louis’ hand, intertwining their fingers. “How so?”

“Neither of my parents are here. Neither of them wants to be my parent. No parents equals orphan.”

Harry pursed his lips and thought for a moment, “My mum loves you.”

Louis squeezed his hand and looked over. “Really?”

Harry nodded, “She’s always talking ‘bout you on the phone to Gemma. Saying how much better you are then me.”

Louis allowed himself a small smile in Harry’s direction. “No way am I better than you, baby.”

“‘Course you are, Lou.”

“How so?” Louis said, mocking Harry from earlier.

Harry shrugged and moved to climb over the armrest, settling onto Louis’ lap. “You’re so…”

“So?” Louis asked before beginning to kiss along Harry’s jaw lightly.

“So, umm, everything, Lou. You’re super fit and good at soccer, smart, good with your sisters. You’re absolutely adorable.”

Louis pulled Harry in for a kiss.

“You’re also a really good kisser.”

Louis smiled and held Harry tightly against his chest. When he felt like he did then, helpless, lonely, scared, all he wanted to do was make sure Harry felt loved. So anytime he felt bad, Louis would hold Harry tightly against his chest and keep him there until Louis could breathe again. And Harry loved it. He loved being held in the arms of his boyfriend, even if he was slightly taller than him now. 

“Gemma said we should go up to see her,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ chest, voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

“Oh?” Louis replied, “Doesn’t she have classes or something though?”

Harry chuckled, “I don’t know how much she actually goes to class.”

Louis laughed quietly and let his hand trail up Harry’s back to rest in his hair.

“I mentioned to her that you were staying with us now and she said we could go stay with her for a weekend, check out the uni and stuff,” Harry explained.

“I guess that would be fun, yeah,” Louis agreed, “Get away for a bit.”

Harry nodded, “So we can go?”

“If your mum says its okay, I guess. We’ve got Friday off next weekend so if Gemma says that’s fine I can drive us down that morning and we can come back on Sunday.”

“Okay,” Harry said, Louis could hear the smile in his voice, “I miss her.”

“I miss my sisters too.”

“You should have them over, mum would love that.”

Louis thought for a moment, “Maybe just Lottie and maybe Fizz too? All of them are a lot.”

“Have them come for dinner tomorrow? We can have a family game night or something. You, Lottie and Fizzy versus me and my mum?”

Louis grinned and pulled Harry up so they were eye to eye.

“You’re everything,” Louis whispered before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s nose.

Harry just nodded, a smile gracing his face as he leaned in and pressed their cheeks together.

And for the first time in a while, Louis couldn’t help but think that maybe it would be okay.


	15. School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is much easier to get reads on here than Wattpad lol

Harry and Louis both woke up to the sound of Harry’s alarm for the second day in a row. Unlike the day before, however, after rolling around to turn off his alarm, Harry turned back to Louis, who was lying on his stomach with his face pressed into the pillow. Harry reached up and stroked the older boy’s hair for a moment before pulling back the pillows and flopping onto his boyfriend’s back. 

Louis groaned and Harry giggled, pressing a kiss to the back of Louis’ neck, “Morning, love.”

Louis turned his head to the side and smiled as Harry peppered his face with kisses, as much as he missed his family, if he got to be woken up that way every morning then maybe it would be okay. Louis rolled over, pushing Harry off of him and moving so he was on top of the younger boy. “Morning, baby.”

Harry smiled and reached up to push some of Louis' hair back that had been falling into his eyes. “You need a haircut.”

Louis rolled his eyes and let his weight fall onto his boyfriend, pressing his face into the curly-haired boy’s neck.

“You also need to go to school today.” 

Louis groaned and Harry patted his bum lightly, “Let’s go, Lou.”

Louis reluctantly got off of Harry and the two boys got dressed before heading down to the kitchen. Harry put their lunches and school bags together while Louis poured them cereal and made tea for himself and Anne.

The two boys had just sat down at the table to eat when Anne came down the stairs, smiling at them and taking the tea that was waiting for her on the counter. Although Anne usually went to work early, she had thought, and Harry had agreed, that it might be good for Louis to have both of their support to go to school. They could tell he didn’t want to go but they didn’t want him to get depressed or to stop living his life.

“I’m happy to have you here, Louis, but if you two are going to sleep in the same room every night, I need you to promise me that you won’t be doing anything.” Harry groaned and covered his face while Louis just chuckled. “I really just don’t think you’re old enough or ready to be having sex and I don’t want you to do anything you’re going to regret.”

Louis glanced at Harry to see a deep blush coating his cheeks. “Don’t worry, Anne, we won’t do anything.”

Anne nodded but didn’t miss the way that Louis leaned in to whisper in his son’s ear, and the way that Harry’s blush only deepened after.

“Are you excited for school, Louis?” Anne asked, sitting down at the table across from Louis and Harry.

“No,” Louis said, “But it’s okay, I’ll be fine.”

“You sure will,” Anne said, reaching across to pat Louis’ hand.

* * *

Louis drove to school and it was almost as if everything was normal. Louis could almost pretend that he had just stopped to pick up Harry like he had done every other day before that. But that illusion ended when he pulled into their school’s parking lot and turned off the engine. 

Rather than getting his bag and leaving the car like usual, Harry turned to Louis and reached across the console, taking Louis’ hand in his, squeezing it but not saying anything. 

“I’ll be okay, H,” Louis said quietly, glancing around. When they had first started driving to school together, other students, namely Louis’ mates, had noticed. However, now that it had been a few months, the school had gotten used to the two, although their interaction was strictly in the parking lot and not anywhere outside of that. They were careful, they didn’t want to risk outing themselves.

However, it was now the end of January and there was a cold wind that kept students from hanging out in the parking lot, leaving the boys in peace to do whatever they so wished.

Louis looked at Harry and motioned for the boy to climb over and onto his lap. Louis moved his seat back and Harry got onto his lap, facing the older boy and bringing his hands to rest on Louis’ neck.

“I want you to call me if you need anything,” Harry said, a very serious look on his face, “Anything at all today, I’ll leave class and do whatever you need. Just please, Louis.”

“Baby,” Louis said, running his hand up Harry’s side, the other resting on the younger boy’s hip.

“I’m serious, Lou.”

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not,” Harry said, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Louis’ lips, “But you will be.”

And he was.

The two boys walked into the school a few minutes later and went to their classes and everything went fine until lunchtime.

Harry was sitting in his normal place in the library when he got a text on his phone.

_ Louis: first floor boys bathroom _

_ Louis: please come  _

Harry immediately shot up, shoving his stuff in his bag and running out of the library, ignoring the shout of a teacher telling him to slow down.

Harry entered the bathroom, confused when it was empty until he noticed one of the stall doors were closed. Harry approached it and knocked on it lightly with his knuckles.

“Louis?”

Harry heard the latch unlock and he pushed the door open to see Louis sitting on the closed toilet lid, head in his hands.

“Angel,” Harry sighed sadly, moving into the stall, closing and locking the door behind him.

Louis looked up and Harry felt a pang in his heart at the tear tracks on the older boy’s face. Harry pulled Louis into him, wrapping his arms around the boy, one hand in his hair and the other around his torso, interlocking the boys as Louis wrapped his arms tightly around Harry’s waist, grasping onto the back of the boy’s shirt.

Harry scratched Louis’ scalp, “What happened, baby?”

Louis shook his head and pressed his face into Harry’s neck, hugging the taller boy close to him.

“What can I do for you?” Harry asked quietly, rubbing Louis’ back.

“I wanna go home,” Louis mumbled into Harry’s neck.”

Harry sighed and pulled the boy impossibly closer, “Alright, sweetie, when the bell rings we can go home.”

So they waited for class to start and then Harry lead Louis into the parking lot, pushing the distraught boy into the passenger seat. Harry drove them home, unlocking the front door. Louis immediately trudged up the stairs while Harry just sighed and cleaned up the kitchen so his mum wouldn’t have to do it when she got home.

When the kitchen was tidy, Harry went up to his room, dropping his bag beside his desk before turning to look at Louis, who was lying on the bed, over the covers, with a pillow on top of his head, blocking out the world.

Harry lay on the bed next to Louis, reaching over to rub the older boy’s back. Louis turned his head to look out at Harry from under the pillow.

“I love you,” The older boy said.

Harry just nodded and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to the boy’s neck.

* * *

Later that night, after a dinner of which Louis refused to come downstairs for, Harry and Anne did the dishes together, Anne washing them while Harry dried and put them away.

“He’s not okay, mum,” Harry sighed, “I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know how much you can do, Harry. He just needs time, this is a big change for him.”

Harry turned to look at Anne, “I need him to be okay, mum, I love him.”

“I know you love him, I love him too but he needs to deal with this in his own time.”

Harry sighed, frustrated, “No you don’t get it, he’s everything to me.”

* * *

After that day, things went relatively back to normal. Although Louis lasted the full day of school each day for the remainder of the week, he was skipping half of his footie practices and was unusually quiet, even at home with just Anne and Harry.

But the next week Louis seemed a bit better. It was on the first Wednesday of February that Louis seemed to be truly getting back to himself. They were having Louis’ eldest two sisters over for dinner and game night, something that seemed to, understandably, make Louis undeniably happy.

While Harry was extremely grateful to have Louis drive him to and from school each day, he almost missed his long walks which had always helped to regulate his mood.

Therefore, when Louis went immediately after school to pick up his eldest two sisters, leaving Harry to walk home by himself, Harry was almost happy to have the time along to himself.

Not to mention the fact that the two boys had been spending almost all their time together. Harry had taken to hanging out with Jade in the bleachers during football practice, leaving their only time apart to be while in classes. And as much as Harry loved Louis with everything he had, he was, at his core, a solo person, an introvert, and craved privacy, time alone.

Hence, Harry soaked up all the time he had during his walk home and the short time home alone before Louis showed up with his sisters.

“Harry?” Harry heard his voice being called from where he was standing in the kitchen. However, Harry didn’t reply as Louis was already stepping into the kitchen, his sisters following closely behind him.

“Hi, H,” Louis said quietly, leaning across the counter to kiss Harry’s cheek, ignoring the scoff of disgust from one of his sisters.

“Made you guys some food,” Harry said, offering the arrangement of snacks that were laid out on the counter.

“Thanks, love,” Louis said, reaching out to grab some food before giving Harry a grin and motioning for his sisters to take some food.

“Thanks, Harry,” Lottie said, Fizzy nodding along as her mouth was full of food.

Louis sat his sisters at the table and bombarded them with questions for a good hour, Harry standing off to the side for a while before taking a seat next to Louis. He hadn’t wanted to interfere with the siblings’ reunion but Louis seemed happy when he took a seat beside him, reaching over and rubbing the back of the younger boy’s neck in a greeting before jumping right back into conversation with his sisters, who were eager as ever to have his full attention.

At around 5 o’clock Harry ordered a pizza, which arrived at the same time his mother did. Louis was quick to introduce the girls to Anne ( _"_ _ this is the lovely woman who has been letting me stay here" _ ) and they got along well with Harry’s mum, who craved any sort of female interaction given the fact that she was living with two guys now.

Harry was happier than anything to see his mum getting along well with Louis’ sisters. It led him to think about what their futures might look like. Anne with both Gemma and Louis’ sisters. All bridesmaids at their wedding (or flower girls or whatever). Or the thought of spending the holidays together, as one big family. 

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout so hard?” Louis said quietly to Harry, so only he would hear.

Harry just hummed quietly and leaned towards Louis, “Nothing really.”

“You were smiling quite big.”

“Was I?”

Louis chuckled and wrapped his arm around Harry’s neck before speaking so the whole kitchen could hear him, “Shall we play some games then?”

Everyone agreed so Louis and Harry cleared the table from their dinner while Anne took the girls down the hall to choose what games to play.

Later that night, after Louis had teamed up with his sisters in an intense game of connect four against Harry and his mum, followed by an abandoned game of  _ Monopoly _ , he drove his sisters home.

It was quiet when he pulled up to the curb beside the house he used to call home. He didn’t anymore, though. Now he considered his home to be wherever Harry was, wherever he felt loved and, more often than not, that was only with Harry.

“I hope you girls had fun today,” Louis said, turning to smile at Lottie in the passenger seat before glancing in the rearview mirror at Fizzy.

The girls giggled before getting serious looks on their faces, making some intense eye contact between the two.

“What’s wrong?” Louis asked.

“When are you coming home?” Lottie blurted out.

Louis sighed and he could see the tired, sad look that filled the Tomlinson faces in the car.

“Mum doesn’t want me to live there anymore,” Louis explained. He thought Fizzy, at 10, was still too young to know the details.

“She’s miserable!” Fizzy exclaimed, tears filling her eyes. “We all are, we miss you.”

Louis turned in his seat and reached to hold his sister’s hand. “I miss all of you, too, Fizz, and you don’t get it right now but I can’t come home.” He paused and Lottie let out a sob. Louis reached his other hand to hold hers. “I love you guys so much and I miss you and the twins more than you will ever know.”

“So come home!” Fizzy yelled, looking more angry than sad.

“I can’t, love.”

“You keep saying that, but why?” Fizzy asked, exasperated.

“You’re too young, babe.”

“Uuurgh!” Fizzy exclaimed and got out of the car, storming towards the house.

Louis sighed and turned to Lottie, ruffling her hair. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Lou,” Lottie said, leaning over to leave a kiss on his cheek before getting out of the car.

* * *

Later that night, when Louis and Harry were lying in bed, making out, Louis burst into tears.

Harry had been on top of the older boy, Louis’ hands on his ass as Harry kissed his neck and jaw, but when he felt Louis' hands fall and heard the boy take in a sharp breath, followed by the sound of a choked sob, he quickly pulled away.

“Lou?” Harry was confused.

“I’m sorry,” Louis choked out.

“Baby,” Harry whispered, “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“No, no, I’m okay,” Louis insisted, “Let’s just keep going.”

Louis reached up and pulled Harry’s face down, connecting their lips and desperately trying to keep his sobs down.

“Louis. Louis, stop,” Harry said, pulling away from the boy who had obvious tears painting his cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered, clutching at Harry’s shirt, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Lou,” Harry said, hugging the boy tightly, trying his best to do anything to make the boy feel loved, “You’re okay, sweetie.”

Louis sobbed and pressed his face into the top of Harry’s head, smelling the _oh so familiar_ scent of the boy’s hair and feeling some of his pain subside.

“They all hate me, H.”

Harry gasped, “No they don’t.”

“Yes they do, my mum is blaming this whole thing on me.”

Harry didn’t know what to say. He hugged the boy tighter and placed a soft kiss to his chest. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

And once again Harry didn’t know what to say. So he said the only thing he did know. “I love you.”

Louis sighed and hugged him tighter, “I know.”

  
  



	16. Gemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So both Harry and Louis act a bit differently in this chapter but keep in mind it's a different environment for them, Harry is much more comfortable with his sister and her friends, who he has known for three years, rather than at school where he isn't close with anyone.
> 
> also what I say about the universities here is completely made up. I'm from Canada and know absolutely nothing about England outside of doctor who and skins

“Let’s go!” Louis shouted excitedly from the bottom of the stairs. Harry sighed and descended the steps, his duffle bag dragging behind him. As tiring as he knew this drive would be, given Louis’ apparent energy levels, he was just happy to see the boy so happy.

Harry reached the bottom of the steps where Louis was standing with his hands on both railings. Harry tried to push past him but the older boy refused to budge.

“Lou, move, we’ve got to go,” Harry whined, giving up and stepping back in defeat.

“Nu, uh,” Louis tutted, a smile on his face, “You have to kiss me first.”

Harry rolled his eyes but kissed the boy anyway, the intimacy of it kept away by the smiles on both of their faces.

Louis pulled away after a moment, dashing to the front door, “Love you!” He called back as he ran out the door, keys jingling in his hand.

Harry laughed and slipped his shoes on, grabbing their bag of road trip snacks before closing and locking the door behind them.

* * *

Harry was quick to fall asleep once they were on the road, and he slept for about an hour straight before stirring and sitting up straighter.

“How far ‘re we?” Harry mumbled quietly.

Louis spared a quick glance at the boy and reached his hand over to rub Harry’s thigh for a moment, “Bout an hour still.”

“Oh,” Harry said, yawning, “‘M gonna go back to sleep then.”

“Actually baby,” Louis said quickly, “I just wanted to ask you something.”

Harry whined and Louis chuckled, “It’ll be quick.”  Harry sighed and nodded, reaching to take Louis’ hand in his own and squeezing it lightly.

“Just… Gemma’s friends and housemates and stuff are gonna be there and… Did you want to be, like, out to them?”

Louis squeezed Harry’s hand again, waiting nervously for a response. He knew in the back of his head that Harry wanted to be out at school but it was Louis that was scared. Louis kind of thought of this as a trial-run-like situation, where they could be out without any real lasting consequences while in a safe “ _Gemma supervised_ ” environment.

Harry still hadn’t spoken so Louis squeezed the younger boy’s hand again.

“I’d love to be out, Lou.”

* * *

It took them two hours to drive to Liverpool and, even with their snacks, both boys beginning to get hungry for lunch by the time they pulled up in front of Gemma’s house.

Gemma was in her third year at the uni and lived in a house with three of her mates. She was in all these clubs and on every team and while her GPA wasn’t the best, she was doing what she loved and living the kind of life that Harry craved. Except, aside from Louis and maybe Jade he didn’t even have any friends, which he saw as a key step to living a life like his sister.

“Harry!” Gemma shouted from the door when Harry stepped out onto her driveway. She immediately rushed forward and pulled Harry into a tight hug. “How was the drive?”

Harry shrugged, “Ask Lou, I slept most of the way.”

“Hey Gemma,” Louis greeted as he stepped back from the car, the single duffle bag that held both their clothes in his hand.

“Hi Louis, alright? How was the drive?”

Louis smiled and stepped to stand beside the siblings, “It was fine, not much traffic. Probably would’ve been better if this one didn’t sleep the whole time.” Louis reached up to ruffle Harry’s hair, the younger boy allowing himself to be drawn into Louis’ grasp.

Gemma rolled her eyes at them, “Couples,” and led them into the house. Gemma walked into the house, the boys following close behind, and motioned to the rooms as she walked, “There’s the kitchen, help yourself to anything with my name on it,” and, “This’s the laundry room, won’t be needing that,” until they reached the staircase. “You guys can head up there, the first door on the right is mine, leave your stuff there and then come back down, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

They nodded and Harry took Louis’ hand, pulling him up the stairs. He did, in fact, know where almost everything in the house was. Gemma had lived there the year before as well and Harry had gone to visit her many times throughout the year. He hadn’t had a chance to do that this year due to all the time he was spending with Louis, he’d much rather spend time with his boyfriend than his sister, as bad as that sounds.

Harry opened the door to the room that belonged to his sister and motioned for Louis to leave their bag on the bed before pulling the boy into a hug.

Louis happily embraced the boy, wrapping his arms around Harry’s upper back and neck, pressing a kiss to his head while Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ lower back.

“Thanks for driving us here, Lou,” Harry whispered into Louis’ neck.

“Love you,” Louis whispered back and Harry just hugged him tighter in response before stepping back and taking his hand.

They both made their way back downstairs, pausing in the doorway to the living room where Gemma was sitting with three other people.

The girl on the couch gasped at the sight of them, “Harry!” and ran over, pulling Harry into a hug.

“Dani!” Harry exclaimed, hugging the girl tightly for a moment before they both pulled away.

“And who’s this?” She asked excitedly, raising her eyebrows and glancing at the way that Harry had quickly connected their hands after the hug.

“Louis,” Harry said quickly as Louis reached his hand out to shake the girl’s, wanting to make a good impression on Gemma and her friends.

Danielle laughed and pulled Louis into a hug as well which Louis warmly reciprocated. “Come sit,” She said, motioning into the living room.

Louis and Harry sat down on the loveseat, which was empty, while Louis took in the rest of the group. On the armchair sat Gemma while on the long couch were Danielle and two boys, one with short brown hair who was quick to rest his arm across Danielle’s shoulder while the blonde-haired one sat back in the corner of the couch, phone in hand.

“Harry, you remember my boyfriend, Liam?” Danielle asked and Harry nodded, saying a quick hello to the boy.

“And that’s Niall,” Gemma said, pointing to the blonde boy, “He just moved in this year so you wouldn’t have met him.

Harry said hello and frowned, “What happened to Luke and Ashton?”

“Luke still lives here, he’s just out right now, but Ashton moved out,” Gemma explained.

“Why did he move out?” Harry asked, confused, the four of them living in the house had been close friends since the first day of university and Harry knew them well.

Gemma fish mouthed for a moment before Danielle interrupted, “He and Gemma fucked.”

“Dani!” Gemma groaned while Harry gasped.

“Gemma!” Harry exclaimed, “I mean I knew you liked him, but come on!”

“You liked him?!” Danielle cried out, “You said it was just sex!”

“Doesn’t matter!” Gemma declared, “It didn’t work out and he moved, all is fine.”

“We’re talking about this later,” Danielle commented before turning to Harry and Louis, “So Harry… Louis?”

Harry bit his lip, thinking back to their conversation on the drive over, and tightened his grip on Louis’ hand. “Louis’ my boyfriend.”

Danielle clapped her hands and let out what resembled a squeal of excitement, “Y’all are so cute together.”

Harry blushed and leaned back against Louis. Louis beamed and wrapped his arm around Harry’s chest, pulling the boy so they were snugly pressed against each other.

“How long ‘ave you been together?” Niall asked.

“Few months,” Harry said.

“Since September, so almost 5 months, yeah,” Louis added.

“Gemma said you’re living with them,” Danielle commented to Louis. The older boy just nodded and Harry reached up to squeeze the arm that was around his chest.

“I, um, got kicked out,” Louis said quietly, looking down at the floor.

“Shit,” Niall exclaimed before going red at the sudden attention, “Sorry.”

Louis just shrugged and they sat in silence for a moment.

“So, Louis, you’re in your last year right?” Gemma asked, hoping to change the topic and ease the tension in the room.

Louis nodded, “I’ve applied to a few places, here actually as well as a few others. For English mostly but I’m hoping to play some footie.”

“Oi, Louis, you play Fifa?” Niall asked.

Louis nodded his head again, “You got it?”

Niall stood with a smile and started setting up the television, tossing a controller at Liam and Louis before looking at Harry as well, “Wanna play, Harry?”

Harry shook his head, “‘S alright.”

“No, H, please play!” Louis begged.

“No I always lose,” Harry whined, turning around to pout at Louis.

“I’m sure you’re better than those tossers,” Louis said, grinning at the other boys for a moment before looking back at Harry, “We can be on the same team.”

Harry made a face again and Louis cupped his hands around the younger boys’ ear, pressing in closely to whisper, “I’ll blow you later.”

Harry immediately turned bright red and paused a second before nodding quickly.

Niall laughed at the exchange, “I do  _ not  _ want to know what he just told you.”

“Oi!” Gemma screeched, tossing a pillow at Niall, “That’s my brother!”

“Fuck off, Gem, they share a bed, you don’t think they’re doin’ it?”

Harry only got redder and turned slightly to tuck his face into Louis’ chest. Louis just chuckled and wrapped his arms around his boy, holding him tightly.

* * *

After playing Fifa for a half-hour, both boys had grown quite an appetite, so they, along with Gemma and Niall, headed out to get lunch, leaving behind Danielle and Liam who said they both had some studying to get done.

“That’s code for they want to fuck,” Niall said loudly as they left the house and got in Niall’s car.

Gemma reached over from the passenger seat and punched Niall on the arm, “Stop being such a fucking wanker.”

Niall just rolled his eyes and caught Harry’s gaze in the rearview mirror, smiling at him, “So, Harry, any embarrassing stories about Gemma?”

Gemma reached over and punched the boy again while Harry laughed but stayed relatively quiet, he really wasn’t too comfortable around Niall, given that he had only met the boy an hour prior.

“Not really,” Harry replied shyly, giggling at Niall’s pout from his response, “She was actually a fairly normal kid, dunno what happened.”

They all laughed at Harry's lame attempt at a joke and Niall pulled up to a small cafe-type restaurant. They went inside and took a seat at a booth by a window, glancing at the menu before Niall and Louis went up to the counter to place their orders.

“So you guys are doing okay?” Gemma asked Harry once they were alone.

Harry nodded, not really having much to say on the topic.

“What’s it like living together?” Gemma asked, prying.

Harry smiled, “‘S good, I like being with him all the time.”

“You don’t get sick of each other? You know, being around each other all day long, every day.”

“No, I love him, I don’t get sick of him.”

“If it were me I would’ve gotten sick of him already, I feel like I’m always sick of my housemates,” Gemma explained.

Harry rolled his eyes, “It’s not really that different from before.”

“Mum said you guys share your room and sleep together each night though.”

Harry shrugged, “Don’t tell mum but we were pretty much doing that anyway.”

“Harry!” Gemma squawked. “I can’t believe mum thinks your such an angel while you’re there sneaking boys into your room.”

“He rarely ever snuck me in,” Louis interrupted as Niall and he approached the table. Louis sat down beside Harry and reached his hand up to rub the boy’s neck affectionately while Niall sat down beside Gemma. “It was more him sneaking out to see me.”

“Oh my god!” Gemma squealed, tossing a bit of napkin that she had ripped at her brother. “And mum thinks I’m a slut.”

“Oi!” Louis growled protectively, “He’s not a slut.”

Harry smiled smugly at Gemma while she just raised her eyes at the older boy, “Stand down, I didn’t even call him that.”

“I bet he snuck out to fuck in Louis’ car,” Niall said, disrupting the tension.

Harry immediately went red and tucked himself closer into Louis’ side.

“Fuck’s sake, Ni, that’s my brother,” Gemma complained and shuddered, “Don’t wanna picture them having sex.”

“You  _ just  _ called him a slut!” Niall shot back.

“No! I just said that mum thinks I am!” Gemma argued.

Louis chuckled, “Harry used to fall asleep in my car a lot and I would have to wake him up and get him back home before your mum got up.”

“After fucking,” Niall added and Louis just shrugged causing Gemma to groan and cover her face.

A waiter brought over their food and the topic quickly changed. Louis asked Niall and Gemma about what it was like at the university, along with their programs.

“Well, it depends on what program you’re going for,” Gemma explained, “I’m doing communication, which is basically journalism, but Niall here is taking some business shit.”

“Economics,” Niall added.

“I applied for English,” Louis said before taking a bite of his sandwich, “So it’s probably pretty similar to your journalism, Gemma.”

“Probably,” Gemma replied, “I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t care much about the academics, I came here ‘cuz I heard it was a party school.”

“Same,” Niall interrupted, “And I didn’t get in anywhere else so I really didn’t have a choice.”

Louis frowned, “I thought it was a good school. I only applied here, Manchester, King’s College and UCL… And I really don’t know if I can get into those other ones.”

Harry immediately tensed. He hadn’t known Louis applied to schools so far away. Manchester was pretty close but Harry had thought Liverpool was far at almost two hours from Doncaster. London was even farther though, longer than three hours.

Louis, feeling Harry tense but not really knowing why turned to the boy and pressed a kiss to the side of his head before whispering, “You okay?”

Harry just nodded, not wanting to talk about the future, especially if it meant Louis leaving.

“What are we doing tonight?” Harry asked Gemma, forcing himself to speak, although he was still feeling fairly shy around Niall.

“You guys aren’t coming to my party?” Niall asked.

Gemma shrugged, “I didn’t ask them, I assumed Harry might want something quieter.” Gemma paused and turned to look at her brother and his boyfriend. “Niall throws a party every Friday night and they’re usually pretty crazy. It’s at the house so we’ll get stuck in it no matter what but if you don’t want to be there we can go see a movie or something, go out for dinner and all.”

Gemma and Niall were both looking at Harry and with that, Louis turned to look at him too. Louis knew he himself would be fine at a party but he wasn’t sure about Harry. The younger boy was just so quiet and shy most of the time, definitely not the type to go to university parties while not even in his last year of high school.

But Harry wasn’t thinking about himself. He could see on Louis’ face how much he wanted to go to the party so Harry shrugged and forced a smile onto his face. “We can just stay for the party, it’ll be fun.”

Niall and Gemma both let out a quiet cheer while Louis was quick to nudge the boy a bit, getting his attention. Louis pressed in close, “You sure, baby?”

Harry just nodded and pressed a kiss to Louis’ cheek as a smile spread on the older boy’s face.


	17. Party Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of prewritten chapters

Hours later, after Luke had come home, along with Gemma, Niall, Harry, and Louis, everyone sat down to eat the spaghetti dinner that Louis and Harry had prepared together to thank Gemma for having them, although Harry did most of the cooking while Louis sat on the counter and demanded a kiss every few minutes.

After dinner, Louis and Harry quickly changed into slightly nicer clothing before vacating Gemma’s room to give her the hour to get ready that she claimed to need. The boys ended up in the kitchen with Niall, who was taking out what seemed like an unnecessary amount of alcohol.

“You really gonna need all that?” Louis asked, hopping onto the counter. Now that Harry was taller than him, he took almost every opportunity to gain some height on his boy.

“Yup!” Niall replied, “These parties are poppin’. Literally everyone will be drunk or high by midnight.”

“Alright if I get a beer now?” Louis asked and Niall quickly handed one to Harry who passed it to Louis. Louis took the can and opened it, taking a sip before placing it on the counter next to him and reaching his arms out to Harry. Harry immediately came towards him, looking up at the boy as he rested his hands at the place where Louis’ torso met his thighs. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and shoulders, pulling him in close and placing a kiss to the top of his head, just letting them cuddle into each other.

Louis took another sip of his beer before speaking quietly to Harry, “You’re so tall now, baby. What am I gonna do?”

Harry rolled his eyes but pressed his face into Louis’ neck, hugging his arms around the boy’s torso.

“You guys are so fuckin’ cute.” Both boys looked up to see Luke standing in the door. They both smiled and Louis said a quick ‘thank you’ while Harry just went back to where he had been before.

“Alright, Nialler?” Luke asked, taking a beer from where Niall was arranging them in a cooler on the table. “Your boy want one?” Luke added, turning to look at Louis.

Louis leaned back so he could look at Harry’s face, “You drinking, baby?”

Harry shrugged, he wasn’t eighteen yet and although he had drunk with Louis before, this was a real party and his sister would likely be watching him. He turned to look at Luke and Niall, “Am I allowed?”

“We won’t tell,” Niall said, Luke nodding along, so Harry turned back to Louis, “Can I just drink from yours?”

“Course, love,” Louis replied, handing the beer can to Harry.

* * *

Now Louis and Harry had drunk together before. Louis had turned eighteen over the winter break and now frequently had beer, along with other, stronger stuff, in the trunk of his car. But Harry had never really drunk that much, knowing that they had to go home to his mother and usually Louis didn’t really drink when Harry did, often limiting himself to a single beer, knowing that one of them had to drive home.

That’s why Louis was surprised to see just how much alcohol his boyfriend was consuming. He had started out just sipping occasionally from Louis’ own drink which started off as beer and slipped away to become mixed drinks, often containing rum or vodka as the party picked up. And as Louis sipped on what he thought was his fourth drink, Harry was pretty much drinking all of it, prompting Luke to just get the boy his own cup, which he and Niall were sure to keep relatively full throughout the party.

“Louuuuu,” Harry whined as he approached Louis, who was sitting on the couch talking to some of Gemma’s uni friends. Harry had disappeared to play beer pong with Luke and Niall. “My lovely Lou.”

“H,” Louis said, acknowledging his boyfriend. Harry was standing in front of him looking completely adorable. The younger boy was obviously drunk, his eyes struggling to focus on Louis as he toys with the hem of his sweater. “Come ‘ere.”

A smile immediately formed on Harry’s face as Louis opened his arms to the boy. Harry sat down sideways on Louis’ lap, leaning halfway against the armrest with the rest of his weight on his boyfriend’s chest. After snuggling in, Harry’s head quickly found its way into the crook of Louis’ neck, where he placed a small kiss, causing Louis to smile and wrap his arms tightly around the boy in his lap.

“You guys are so cute,” The girl beside Louis said. He had been talking to her before Harry came over, asking questions about her program and the university itself. She then turned to her boyfriend who was sitting on her other side, “Why can’t we be this cute?”

Louis chuckled lightly, “Yeah I guess we are.”

“You guys must get told that all the time. I can just imagine being in high school with you guys, the cuteness would make me sick. How long have you been together?”

“Since the end of September, so about five months I guess,” Louis shrugged.

“Your friends must hate you,” The girl laughed, taking a sip from the cup of what Louis assumed was alcohol in her hand.

Louis hesitated, he didn’t even know this girl yet for some reason, he felt compelled to share his feelings with her. “We’re uh, actually not out yet…”

“Oh,” The girl frowned, “Why?”

Louis was taken aback by the question. However, Louis had seen her boyfriend refill her cup at least three times in the half-hour they had been sitting beside each other so he wasn’t completely shocked by her question. 

“I don’t want my friends to know I’m gay.”

“Why not, I bet they wouldn’t even care and, if they do, maybe you shouldn’t be friends with them.”

Louis looked down at the boy in his arms who, although his eyes were half-open as he lazily looked around the room, seemed completely out of it.

“I’m scared,” Louis admitted. 

The girl gave him a pitiful smile and reached over, resting her hand on his arm in a friendly manner, “Look, dude, you clearly love him. Do it for him.”

Harry pressed another soft kiss to the place where Louis’ shoulder met his neck, prompting the older boy to look down.

Harry sighed and pouted, and Louis leaned down to kiss the pout away, drawing an immediate smile to the boy’s lips. Harry giggled adorably and reached his hand up to brush Louis’ hair off the older boy’s face, giggling again when he missed and almost poked him in the eye. Louis chuckled and pressed a kiss to Harry’s forehead.

“My lovely Lou,” Harry whispered again before promptly falling asleep in Louis’ arms.

* * *

Harry woke up to the sun in his face, a pounding headache, and his own personal ray of sunshine wrapped around him.

Harry groaned and rolled over so the sun was no longer in his face. However, this pulled him out of Louis’ arms who whined in his sleep at the loss of contact. Harry mentally rolled his eyes at the boy but couldn’t help the burst of fond that exploded in his chest.

Harry slowly sat up, rubbing his face in the hopes of pushing down the nausea that was taking over him. His attempt proved useless when he suddenly got the urge to throw up, prompting him to throw off the duvet and rush to the bathroom.

Harry spent a minute puking before he felt a hand on his head and the press of a forehead to his back.

“Lou,” Harry said weakly, his voice raspy both from sleep and from getting sick.

“You okay baby?” Louis whispered, not moving his head from Harry’s back but wrapping his arms around the boy nonetheless. 

Harry groaned and let out a whimper, “I’m sick.”

Louis chuckled and tightened his hold on his boyfriend, “You’re hungover baby.”

Harry let out another whimper, “I’m hungover, Lou.”

Louis chuckled and stood up slowly, doing his best to pull the boy in his arms with him. Harry groaned in protest but Louis pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. “C’mon baby, let’s get you some paracetamol and some breakfast.”

Harry reluctantly let Louis lead him down the stairs and to the kitchen, the older boy sitting him down at the table where he was greeted by Luke, also with his head in his hands.

“Hungover, Harry?” The older boy asked and Harry just groaned in response, only lifting his head when he felt Louis’ hand on the back of his hand.

He gratefully took the two pills and glass of water from the boy’s hand, swallowing the medicine before standing up. 

“What’re you doing?” Louis asked, silenced when Harry simply wrapped his arms around the older boy’s waist, tucking his face into Louis’ neck. Louis chuckled and wrapped his arms around Harry as well, holding him tightly and swaying side to side the slightest bit.

“Love you,” Harry whispered and Louis tilted his head to the side to plant a soft kiss to the side of the younger boy’s head.

“You are sickeningly adorable,” Niall called out as he entered the room.

“Shut the fuck up, Niall!” Luke replied angrily, before muttering, “So fucking loud.”

Louis sat down on Harry’s chair and pulled the boy to sit on his lap before speaking, “Shouldn’t you be hungover, Niall? I swear you drank the most last night.”

“Nope!” Niall said with a grin, “You see I’m Irish which is code for immune to the effects of alcohol.”

Louis rolled his eyes while Luke grumbled from his seat, “Shut up and make me breakfast.”

Niall just chuckled, obviously used to Luke’s attitude. “Harry? Louis? You want breakfast too?”

“If you don’t mind, yeah,” Louis replied, hugging Harry tightly around the waist while the younger boy pressed his face into the crook of Louis’ neck.

As Niall cooked the group breakfast, Gemma entered the kitchen, rolling her eyes at her brother, who was groaning lightly and leaning fully into his boyfriend.

“Fuck’s sake Harry, no need to be so dramatic.”

Harry whined and Louis glared at Gemma, only half joking around, “He’s never drunk this much before.”

“You mean he’s never drunk at all,” Gemma said in a teasing tone, knowing fully well that he had before.

“Fuck off!” Harry said, his voice muffled by Louis’ skin. Louis rolled his eyes jokingly at Gemma, rubbing Harry’s back.

“So what’re we doing today?” Louis asked, mostly to Gemma but also glancing at the others around the room.

“I was thinking we could go ‘round campus, show you around, Louis?” Gemma suggested.

“Sounds good,” Louis replied before looking down at Harry, “What do you think, baby?”

Harry looked up at Louis and smiled at the boy’s soft smile before nodding and leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. Louis’ smile grew but the pair were interrupted by the sound of gagging. They looked up to see Gemma fake puking.

“Piss off,” Harry said to his sister.

“Leave ‘em alone, Gem,” Niall added as he started putting plates of food on the table, “They’re cute.”

* * *

That day, Gemma showed them around her campus, pointing out a lot of her favourite spots and introducing the two boys to many people she knew, “This is my brother, Harry, and his boyfriend, Louis.”

They went out for dinner with Niall, Danielle, and Liam all joining, and then they all went back to the house, watching movies until Harry had fallen asleep in Louis’ arms, forcing the older boy to carry his boyfriend to bed.

The weekend had been absolutely perfect and both boys loved being able to show their love for each other openly, something they had only been able to do by driving 40 minutes away, or by hiding in Harry’s house.

They left Gemma’s house early on Sunday morning, eager to get home and finish the homework they had put off all weekend, but reluctant to leave such happiness.

When Louis pulled the car into Harry’s driveway, he turned off the car, unbuckled his seatbelt, and moved to leave the car, but was stopped by Harry reaching to place his hand on Louis’ arms.

“Yeah, babe?” Louis asked, turning to look at his boyfriend.

“We need to talk, Lou.” Immediately Louis felt blood rushing to his head.

“What?” He choked out.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Harry said, not looking at Louis, not noticing that the boy had stopped breathing.

“No, no!” Louis exclaimed, “No, I love you, you can’t break up with me.”

Harry immediately whipped his head around, “No! Louis, I’m not breaking up with you, I could never break up with you.”

“Oh thank God,” Louis breathed out, putting a hand on his chest. Harry reached up to take it in his own hand.

“I love you, Louis,” Harry said.

“Good. I love you, too,” Louis replied.

“But I want to be out.”

“Harry,” Louis said with a sigh.

“I want to be out,” Harry repeated, not looking at Louis.

Honestly, Louis should’ve known that this would be coming. After their weekend of being out went absolutely blissfully, of course, Harry would want to be out.

“Can we talk about this?” Louis finally asked.

Harry nodded and squeezed Louis’ hand, although neither boy was looking at the other.

“Just… Why, Harry?”

“It was so great, this weekend, Lou. I want it to be like that all the time. I want to be able to hug you, and kiss you, and sit on your lap. I just want to be able to be with you all the time, Louis, and I don’t want to be scared all the time. Scared of people seeing us. I love you, Louis, and I just want everyone to know.”

Louis’ chest was tight but he tried his best to stay calm. “Harry. You know it won’t be like how it was in Liverpool. People at school will care.”

“No one will care, Louis,” Harry argued.

“I’m scared they will, Harry. What about when the footie team finds out I’m gay. They won’t want me in the change rooms with them. They won’t want me around them. I’ll probably have to quit the team and-and worst of all,” Louis hiccuped, “I’m scared they’re gonna hurt you.”

Harry turned to look at Louis, both boys with tears shining in their eyes. “I’ll be fine, boo.”

“But what if you’re not Harry? What if I can’t be there to protect you? If something were to happen to you, Harry, I swear to God it would kill me.”

“Nothing is going to happen, Louis, it’s the twenty-first century, no one even cares.” Louis tensed but Harry didn’t seem to notice. “Some kids might make fun of us but isn’t it worth it?” Harry begged, trying to get Louis to look at him, “Won’t it be worth it if we can be out and together and-and just in love?”

“Harry,” Louis said quietly. He reached up with the hand not in Harry’s grasp and rubbed his face, wiping some tears away. “People care, my own fucking mother cared.”

Both boys sat in silence for a minute before Harry spoke, “I’m really sorry about your mum, Lou.”

Louis nodded and turned to Harry, eyes red and puffy but Harry’s were almost the same. “C’mere,” Harry muttered, opening his arms for Louis.

The older boy climbed over the center console and let himself fall into Harry’s open arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around Harry’s torso, straddling the boy’s thighs while Harry brought his own hands up to Louis’ face, using them to scratch the back of his scalp lightly with his fingers while wiping away his tears with his thumbs.

Louis did his best to time his breaths to Harry’s, a technique they had come up with together after Louis’ third night of crying and nightmares.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said after he had calmed down. Harry nodded in understanding but continued to scratch Louis’ scalp, not saying anything. “I’m scared,” Louis whispered.

“I know,” Harry whispered back. Louis leaned in and began to press kisses to Harry’s face, his cheeks, nose and forehead, muttering the words “thank you” in between.

Louis leaned in once more to press a kiss to the corner of Harry’s mouth but Harry turned his head so their lips connected instead, bringing an instant smile to both of their faces. They kissed innocently for a moment before Louis pulled away to look at Harry, the smile on his lips sharp in contrast with his red rimmed eyes and blotchy face.

“I love you,” Louis said quietly.

“Love you too,” Harry whispered back, letting his hands slip down to Louis’ hips and squeezing lightly. Louis took a deep breath and pressed himself into Harry, forcing the boy, although he didn’t complain, to embrace him. 

They remained hugging for a few minutes before Louis whispered into Harry’s neck, “I’ll think about it.”

“Huh?” Harry replied.

“About coming out. I want you to have everything, H, so I’ll think about it.”


	18. Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for not updating for a few days, this is my last pre written chapter so from here I will just be updating as I write
> 
> thanks to everyone who left kudos and bookmarked the story, those things really motivate me to write <3<3

The next night, after both boys had attempted to fall asleep in separate rooms, as they did each night, Harry found himself sneaking into his room, where Louis lay.

Harry opened the door to see Louis lying on his back, phone in hand and face illuminated by the soft light.

“Lou?” Harry asked, tentatively. Although this was their routine every night, Harry always moved carefully, not wanting to overstep or bother Louis, especially given that they seemed to spend every minute with each other, both sleeping and awake.

“C’mere,” Louis said, not looking from his phone but moving his arm, leaving a space for Harry to lie in. Harry quickly stepped into his room, closing the door behind him and rushing to lie next to his boyfriend. He climbed under the covers and tucked himself into Louis’ side, glancing at his phone to see the boy watching Netflix. Harry pressed a soft kiss to the side of Louis’ neck as a thank you before adjusting his head to watch the show with Louis. 

When the episode was over, Louis turned his phone off and leaned away, plugging it in before turning back to Harry and wrapping the now taller boy tightly in his arms.

They lay in silence, accompanied by only the sound of their breaths before Louis spoke, “Why do you call me angel?” 

“What?” Harry asked, confused. He hadn’t been paying attention to what the older boy was saying, focused more on the way Louis was scratching his scalp lightly as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“When I’m upset, you call me angel, why?”

Harry paused, “Why do you call me baby?”

Louis laughed and pressed a kiss to the nearest part of Harry he could reach, which happened to be his temple. “‘Cuz you’re my baby,” Harry whined and Louis pressed another kiss to his face, this time his nose, “I just want to take care of you and provide you with all the love you deserve, which makes you my baby.”

Harry hummed in thought for a moment, letting Louis soothe him to a state of sheer relaxation, due simply to the boy’s comforting presence and touch. “It’s the same then. I call you angel because you’re my angel. You saved me.”

* * *

The next day, Harry sat on the school bleachers with Jade. The two had become quite good friends, sitting away from everyone else who stayed to watch the footie practices. Jade always gave really good advice and actually reminded Harry of his own sister.

“I’m scared, you know,” Harry mentioned as the sky darkened around them.

“Of what?” Jade replied, neither of them looking at each other, instead focused on the field in front of them. 

“Well we’re friends, right?” Harry paused but Jade nodded in agreement.

“Of course.”

“At the end of the year both you and Louis are leaving. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, I have an entire year extra to go.”

Jade thought for a moment before speaking, “But you didn’t have friends for the first two years of high school, yeah? So you’re used to it, it’ll be fine, Harry.”

Harry sighed, “But you guys have gotten me too used to having friends.”

“Oh Harry,” Jade said, reaching over to ruffle his hair, “You're a smart boy, you’ll be fine.”

Harry remained silent. “Okay, what’s really wrong?” Jade asked.

“Nothing,” Harry muttered in reply.

“Don’t give me that shit, Harry, there’s something else that’s bothering you.”

Harry pursed his lips. “Fine. It’s just… I told Louis I want us to come out.”

Jade turned to Harry quickly and raised her eyebrows at him, “Really?”

Harry nodded.

“What did he say?”

“At first he said no, but then he said he’d think about it. It’s just that it's been a few days now and he still hasn’t said anything.”

Jade hummed, “Honestly I’m surprised he even agreed to think about it.”

“Why’s that?” Harry asked.

Jade glanced at Harry again before looking back to the field. “Louis’ the kind of guy that lives in the closet until he’s 45. He’s the kind of guy that marries a woman but sneaks out to bars to get drunk and fuck guys once a month.”

Harry didn’t know what to say. That was just so… Harsh. It was like Jade didn’t even know the boy. To Harry, Louis was the absolute best thing in the world and he had every faith that the boy would come around on the whole ‘coming out’ issue.

“How could you say that?” Harry was hurt, and he really wasn’t good at hiding his emotions, particularly when they were linked to Louis. His mum always said that when he looked at Louis, love radiated from his every pore.

Jade sighed and Harry glanced up at the sky, feeling a small drop fall onto his cheek. “I’m sorry, Harry. Maybe it’s not true but that’s what I’ve always thought.”

“But he’s dating me, why would he go and marry a girl?” Harry knew that maybe he should stop, maybe he should walk away. But Harry wasn’t good with maybes. Harry never knew when to stop pushing.

“Harry,” Jade said, her voice raising the slightest bit, “You can’t possibly think you guys are going to last. You’re seventeen. Love doesn’t last at seventeen. Yeah, you guys are good now, but Louis’ gonna go away to uni in the fall and, let’s face it, you’re gonna break up. High school relationships never last.”

Harry couldn’t help the pout that graced his face. He tightened his (Louis’) jacket around his body as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I-” Harry didn’t know what to say. So he did the only thing he felt was logical, he stood up, grabbing his bag, and walked away.

He thought that maybe he should be nicer to Jade, he really liked her and she was great most of the time. But highschoolers, and most people really, are mean by nature and don’t really realize it.

Harry walked to Louis’ car, jumping up to sit on the hood as the rain began to fall from the sky. He was worried he would have to wait the remaining half hour of practice in the rain, but the sky soon opened to the sound of thunder, a surefire signal that practice would be cancelled.

* * *

Louis, being the captain, was almost always the last person out of the locker room, and that day was no exception. By the time he entered the lot to see Harry sitting on his car, drenched, every other car was gone, except for that of his coach.

Because of that, Louis happily traipsed over to Harry, not minding the rain knowing that the two of them would be heading right to Harry’s house where they could shower together and dress in clean, warm clothing. 

It was only when he was right in front of the younger boy, reaching to rest his hands on his thighs that he noticed the boy’s eyes were red and the moisture on his face was not only from the sky but also from his tears.

“What’s wrong?” Louis asked, reaching a hand up and wiping away the tears from Harry’s cheek, although the effort was ruined from the rain.

Harry just shook his head and reached his arms out to pull his boyfriend into a hug. Louis immediately hugged him tightly, wrapping his arms around his waist, allowing Harry to push his face into his neck, a place that had become a point of comfort for the younger boy in their five or so months of being together.

“Baby,” Louis sighed, “What happened?” 

Harry shook his head again and pulled himself closer to Louis. The older boy brought his hand up to run it through Harry’s damp hair, scratching his scalp. He didn’t really know what to do.

“Let’s get in the car,” Louis suggested. He tried to pick up Harry but, let’s face it, Harry was bigger than him and that wasn’t really possible anymore. If Harry didn’t want to move then there was nothing he could do. “Harry, love, please.”

He tried to pull away to look at Harry but the boy grabbed onto the back of his shirt. “Please don’t go,” He whispered.

Louis felt his heartbreak and pulled Harry impossibly closer. “You’re okay,” He whispered. Louis did his best to pull Harry off the car, holding the boy even closer and letting him basically crumple in his arms. “You’re okay.”

He knew Harry would trigger himself into a panic attack if he let this go on for much longer; it had happened a few times before.

Louis sighed, wracking his brain for a solution. Instead, he came up with nothing and just pressed his face into Harry’s hair, praying that it would be okay.

“Alright, Tomlinson?”

Louis looked up to see his coach standing about three feet away, concern in his eyes. “Uhm.” Louis hesitated, not really knowing what to say.

“He okay?” The coach asked. Louis just shook his head, rubbing Harry’s back when he felt the boy flinch.

“Can I do something to help?” Louis tried to pull away from Harry a bit but the boy just desperately pulled himself closer, not wanting to be more than a millimetre apart from Louis.

Louis hesitated again, he really didn’t like asking for help but he felt like he had no choice. He knew Harry was going to fall asleep at any moment, something that always happened after his breakdowns, and he also knew that there was no chance of him letting go of his boy when he was  _ so _ upset. Honestly, Louis felt like never letting him go ever again.

“I hate to ask,” Louis began, watching his coach closely, “Do you think you could drive us home?” He could get his car another time.

“‘Course,” He replied before motioning over to his car, “C’mon.”

Louis smiled gratefully, although it didn’t reach his eyes. He moved his head down to Harry, keeping one arm around him but bringing one up to wipe his hair and tears away from his face.

“Coach is gonna drive us home, love, but you have to walk with me to the car.” Harry hesitated and Louis could tell he didn’t want to separate himself from Louis, “We’ll sit in the back together and you can just sleep, baby.”

Harry nodded and let Louis pull him off the car, wrapping his arms around him and letting Harry press his face into his shoulder. Louis quickly followed the coach to his car, letting Harry lean against him as he opened the door and helped him in before crawling in beside him.

The coach got in the driver’s seat, leaving his bag on the passenger seat and looking at the two boys in the mirror. Louis had buckled in both himself and Harry before letting the younger boy lean down and lie across his lap, his face pressed into Louis’ stomach as Louis kept one hand tangled in Harry’s hair and the other one resting on his waist under his shirt, rubbing soft circles into his damp skin.

Louis leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of Harry’s head, whispering an ‘I love you’ before sitting up and giving his coach directions to Harry’s house. Louis looked out the window as they drove, feeling significantly less panicked as Harry’s breaths evened and he fell asleep.

“Is he asleep?” Louis met his coach’s eyes in the mirror and nodded with a small smile.

“He’s your boyfriend,” The coach said. Louis felt a pit in his stomach and couldn’t keep his eyes from widening.

“What?” He chocked out.

“It’s okay, you know. Louis, it’s okay if he’s your boyfriend.” Louis didn’t know what to say, what to think. He honestly just wanted to curl up under Harry’s duvet and hold onto his boyfriend for the next hundred years.

“Are you scared to come out to the team?” The coach made eye contact with Louis in the mirror again. All Louis could do was nod. The boy felt relief when the coach pulled up in front of Harry’s house.

Louis slowly lifted Harry up and gave the younger boy a moment to awaken.

“Tomlinson.” Louis looked up. “Just know, if you want to come out to the team, I’ll have your back.”

Louis nodded and helped Harry out of the car, not loosening his grip on the boy. He leaned down before he closed the door. “Thank you.” He said, for more than just the drive home.


	19. What Happens Next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of short but I wanted to post something :))

Louis led Harry into the house and helped him take off his jacket, then his shoes, always keeping one hand on the younger boy.

“Shall we take a shower, love? Warm up a bit,” Louis suggested, bringing his hands up to cup Harry’s cheeks and force the boy to look at him. Harry’s emerald eyes were cloudy with sleep and sadness but Louis knew this boy like the back of his hand, so when Harry gave a slow blink and tilted his head to the side, Louis nodded and wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist, leading him up the stairs and to the bathroom.

Louis turned on the shower and helped Harry undress, pausing to tickle his waist in a failed attempt to make the boy smile. Harry simply swatted his hand away. Once Harry was naked, Louis quickly stripped down too, entering the shower before Harry to make sure it was warm and then helped the boy in.

Harry immediately leaned into Louis, letting the older boy wash his body before tilting his head back for him to wash his hair as well. It was a well-practiced routine between the two of them. 

Once they were both clean and warm, Louis brought his arms up around Harry’s neck and whispered in his ear, “You okay now?”

Harry nodded the slightest bit before moving to get out from the shower, immediately wrapping himself in his towel from behind the door before offering Louis’ to him, smiling lightly at his boyfriend. Louis took the towel and quickly dried himself off, taking a moment to throw their wet clothes in the laundry hamper before following Harry to his bedroom.

When Louis reached the room, Harry had hung his towel over his desk chair and was in the process of climbing under the covers, the bed left unmade from that morning. Louis quickly hung his own towel on a hook on the back of the door, closing it and moving to get under the covers next to Harry. They both lay on their sides for a moment, just watching each other, before Louis sighed and turned on his back, motioning for Harry to climb on top of him.

Harry gladly cuddled into Louis, intertwining their legs and pressing his face into Louis’ neck. Although they were both naked, the nature of the situation kept either of them from even acknowledging it, knowing that then was not the time.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Louis whispered into Harry’s hair, running his hands over Harry’s bare back as the younger boy traced Louis’ chest lightly.

Harry shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around Louis. “No?” Louis asked, prying further. Normally, when Harry got upset, Louis would just hold him and help calm him down but there was just something that was bothering Louis. Maybe it was the way that Harry didn’t seem to want to let the boy out of his sight, grasp. Or maybe the way that Harry had sobbed for half an hour, way longer than he usually did.

“C’mon, babe,” Louis pushed, trying to keep his tone light, a far cry from the desperation he was really feeling. Harry shook his head again and Louis felt his hair being tugged the slightest bit by Harry’s wandering hand. “Please.”

Harry sighed before mumbling, “Jade said something.”

Louis paused, wracking his mind for what Jade could have possibly said to make Harry so upset. But he couldn’t think of anything, “What did she say?”

Harry scratched Louis’ side lightly, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Baby,” Louis reasoned, “You know we have to. If you tell me then I can make it better.”

Harry knew that Louis was right. He knew that he had a habit of replaying everything in his head until it became twisted and horrid and everything that it wasn’t. But he stayed silent anyway.

“C’mon, H,” Louis pleaded into Harry’s hair, pressing soft kiss after soft kiss and raking his hand through the boy’s short curls.

Harry sighed and sat up, Louis quickly following suit. Louis leant against the headboard while Harry sat next to him, facing the boy. Louis reached over and took Harry’s hands, playing with his fingers in an attempt to coax some words from his boy.

“Jade said we weren’t going to end up together.” Louis couldn’t believe that. Jade had been so so supportive of their relationship. And Louis had planned the rest of his life with Harry. “And she’s kind of right.” With that Louis couldn’t breathe. How could Harry feel that way when Louis had already mentally planned the rest of their lives together. Their wedding, their kids.

“Harry,” Louis said, desperate to say something, although he didn’t know what. But Harry just kept talking.

“It terrifies me, Lou, to think of us breaking up, but she’s right. I’m only seventeen, Louis, you’re eighteen, we’re kids. We would be naive to think that we could spend the rest of our lives together.” Harry pulled his hands away from Louis who had stopped playing with his fingers and was, instead, just gripping tightly to Harry, to his lifeline.

“Harry- What?” Louis was speechless.

Harry shrugged.

“No, Harry, she’s wrong.”

“But is she?” Harry insisted, “No one stays with their high school boyfriend! Why would we be any different?”

“But we are different, H! I love you.”

Harry rolled his eyes, more frustrated than upset by that point. “Do you really think none of those other people loved each other?”

And Louis didn’t know what to say. Harry sighed and climbed over Louis’ legs, walking over to his cupboard and pulling out a pair of sweatpants.

“Where are you going?” Louis asked quietly, pulse pounding in his ears.

“I’m going to sleep in Gemma’s room.”

“What? Why? C’mon, H, let’s just talk about this.”

Harry shook his head and headed to the door, pausing in the doorway to l ook at a desperate Louis, who had tears brimming in his eyes, “I just need to be alone, Lou.”

Louis nodded, a feeling of absolute despair taking over his every thought and muscle.

* * *

That night, for the first time in the few weeks that Louis had been living at the Styles’, the two boys slept alone. Harry in Gemma’s room, as his mum had asked him to from the beginning, and Louis, crying quietly under Harry’s duvet.

Harry felt empty. He loved Louis, of course he did. You can’t spend almost every minute of every day with someone for weeks and not love them. But he was scared. He didn’t want to hold Louis back. He loved Louis enough to want everything for the boy. He wanted Louis to be able to go off to university without having to think about Harry at every moment. He wanted Louis to be able to truly enjoy life and Harry felt as though that would be impossible if they were still together. He saw Gemma and her friends, and, aside from Liam and Danielle, none of them had long, committed relationships. They had hookups and flings and were able to truly enjoy everything that the world had to offer them.

Even Danielle and Liam had only gotten together towards the end of their first year. No one Harry knew had ended up with their high school sweetheart. Except, of course, his own parents, but he had seen first hand what that had led to. Tears and arguments and yelling and divorce. Perhaps he was a cynic but Harry would rather end things with Louis now rather than stay together because they were scared to be apart, leading to the life of resentment his parents had struggled with for years.

To him, this entire thing was almost clinical. Breaking up with Louis was a necessity as it would allow them both to achieve everything they wanted to, without being held back by one another. 

Louis, on the other hand, was a flat out mess. Now, it would be a lie to say that he wasn’t a tad bit more emotional, ever since he was kicked out of his mum’s. He had a harder time keeping his emotions in check and felt overwhelmed almost all of the time. He was able to keep everything inside throughout the day but there hadn’t been a single night where Louis could keep in his tears through first light.

He had been suffering from nightmares, which usually resulted in his waking up at three am and sobbing quietly to keep Harry from waking, which was always in vain. Harry had always been a light sleeper and the moment he felt Louis take in a sharp breath he would be up and wrapping his arms around the older boy, rubbing his side, his back, his cheek, anything in an effort to calm the boy down.

But that night, the moment Harry left the room, Louis’ tears began. He cried and cried until he fell asleep, only to wake up in the early hours of the morning to cry again, getting maybe four hours of sleep in a sharp contrast with his normal eight.

He spent every waking moment hoping, praying - although he wasn’t sure how much he really believed in God anymore - that Harry would walk through the door and wrap him tightly in his arms.

Louis often complained about Harry’s growing height as he wanted nothing more than to hold Harry in his arms at all times, but in the dark, he quite appreciated being able to fit so snugly into Harry’s arms. To Louis, he had seen it as a sign that the two boys were meant for each other. Of course, Harry didn’t seem to think so anymore. And Louis didn’t know what he was supposed to do with that.


	20. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda short but im trying :(

The next morning, Louis woke up with puffy eyes and a heavy heart. He really didn’t want to get up and go to school, but he had a test in his English class and it was getting way too close to exams to be risking his marks, not if he wanted to get into a good university. 

He wiped his eyes and sat up, grabbing his phone from the floor, where he had thrown it the night before, not bothering to plug it in. He had no notifications, other than from the footie team group chat, talking about the game they had after school that day. He had almost hoped that Harry would have texted him throughout the night, but, alas, nothing.

The bedroom door opened and Harry slipped in, his hair in every direction and his eyes just as puffy as Louis’.

“Harry,” Louis said, his voice cracking. Harry didn’t even look at him, he just moved to his dresser and proceeded to take out clothes for the day.

“Harry,” Louis tried again, his voice much firmer the second time around.

Harry sighed and stood up, still facing the wall, “Not now, Lou, let’s just go to school.”

“We have to talk about this,” Louis insisted, sitting up straight in the bed, ready to move to Harry should the younger boy show any sign that he still had hope in their relationship.

“Louis,” Harry sighed, turning around with his eyes shut, “After school, please.”

Louis frowned but nodded, not saying anything and just proceeding to the closet, where some of his clothes were hung. The two boys got ready for the day in silence, staying silent in the kitchen, at breakfast, and on the entire drive to school. Neither even turned on the radio in the car, opting instead for the tense silence that Louis feared may become the new normal for them.

When Louis pulled into the school parking lot, Harry moved to leave the car but Louis quickly locked the door. Harry turned to him with a glare.

“Please, Harry,” Louis begged, looking deep into his boyfriend’s eyes. “What can I do to prove to you that we could last?”

Harry sighed and rubbed his face, “I don’t know, Lou.”

Louis looked down and reached over to unlock the car, letting Harry out. Louis watched as Harry entered the school, only glancing back at Louis as the younger boy opened the door.

“Fuck,” Louis swore, hitting the steering wheel before leaning his head against it. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Louis wasn’t sure how much time had passed but he was startled by the sound of a knock on his window. He looked up to see Stan, a member of the footie team who also happened to be dating Jade, leaning down and peering in at the boy.

Louis gave him a weak smile and rolled down the window. “What’s up?” He asked, cursing himself mentally at how his voice sounded.

“You alright?” Stan asked, squinting his eyes slightly at Louis.

Louis nodded his head once before looking back at the steering wheel, praying that Stan would just get the message and leave.

“Can I talk to you ‘bout something?” Stan asked, not waiting for a response and, instead, just opening the car door and sitting in the passenger seat. Louis, on the other hand, was in the midst of a panic. What if Jade had said something to Stan about him and Harry?

Louis hummed in response, not trusting his voice to keep his fear hidden.

“I think I’m gonna break up with Jade,” Stan said, pretty nonchalantly.

Louis frowned, “What? Why?”

Stan shrugged, “I’m just not really feeling it anymore…”

“So…” Louis trailed off, not wanting to be rude, “Why are you telling me?”

“Oh well I know Jade is friends with Harry and I’m friends with you… I just want to make sure that there won’t be any problems with you guys because of us.”

And with that, Louis’ panic is back. Louis opened and closed his mouth a few times, not knowing what to say. He didn’t want to out them but he wasn’t really sure what Stan knew.

“Ummm,” Louis thought hard for a moment, “Why would it cause us problems? Me and Harry are friends, bro, your relationship won’t change that.” Louis did everything in his power to sound as confused as possible.

Stan stared at him for perhaps a moment too long before nodding his head, shrugging and getting out of the car, “Alright then, forget about it.”

Louis nodded at him and tried to slow his breathing. He watched Stan close the car door and take a step away before leaning down to look in the window again.

“One more thing, Louis?” Louis looked up at him. “If you’re like, gay, or whatever, that’s cool mate, doesn’t matter.” 

And that’s when Louis’ head imploded.

* * *

Louis didn’t know what to think. 

He had been sitting in his car for almost two hours. It was cold and he felt numb but the temperature really didn’t have much to do with that. If Stan knew he way gay, Jade had probably told him, which means Louis and Harry could be outed at any moment. 

Louis knew he could trust Jade, he had known the girl since primary school, and he really shouldn’t have expected her not to tell her boyfriend, that wasn’t fair to her. Louis would never hide something like that from Harry, he could never hide anything from Harry.

But Stan, on the other hand, Louis did not trust. He was nice enough, a real good football player, but Louis had only known him for the two years they had been on the team together. Louis was friends with him, and trusted him, about as much as he did the rest of the team. Which was just enough to be able to play football together every day.

Stan seemed like the kind of guy that could keep a secret, but he didn’t seem to think Louis’ sexuality was that big a secret. If he did, he wouldn’t have talked about it so casually with Louis.

So Louis had to come up with a plan.

He could talk to Stan, explain the in’s and out’s of being respectful and not outing anyone. But he probably wouldn’t be able to find Stan anywhere until lunch, when he would be with the rest of the footie players at their table. That would be too late.

But Louis had another plan, one that would allow him to finally be in control of his own life but could also prove to Harry that they could be everything, that they could last.

* * *

Louis had skipped all his morning classes but ten minutes before the lunch bell was due, Louis got out of his car and walked to the classroom he knew Harry would be in. When the bell rang, he stood up straight, knowing that Harry would likely be one of the first students out the door, he always was.

“Harry!” He called, as soon as he saw him. Harry’s eyes widened and a frown graced his face as he made eye contact with Louis.

“Why are you here?” Harry asked, pulling Louis to the side of the hallway.

Louis smiled at him, “You’re so pretty.”

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “What are you doing?”

Louis ignored him, instead taking his hand and intertwining their fingers.

Harry quickly tried to pull his hand away, a habit more than a desire, but Louis held on tightly.

“Louis?” Harry questioned.

“I want to,” Louis said assuredly.

Harry couldn’t hold back the small smile that adorned his face. “Are you sure?”

Louis let out a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding, “Yeah.”

Harry let Louis lead him through the first floor and into the cafeteria, bringing Harry to the table where Louis always sat with his football buddies.

Louis sat down on the bench, pulling Harry down to sit next to him. The table was only half full, given that people were still making their way from their classes, but Louis proudly wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders and let his hand hang in the air. Harry leaned into him the slightest bit, taking a sandwich from his bag and offering half to Louis. Louis gladly took it given that he had been so devastated that morning, he had forgotten to pack himself any food.

Louis took a bite before glancing at the table, avoiding eye contact with everyone until his gaze landed on Stan and Jade. Jade smiled at him while Stan gave him a thumbs up. Louis just smiled back and tightened his grip on Harry’s shoulders.

Louis was nervous. Really fucking nervous. No one had said anything yet but he had been building this moment up in his head for weeks, if not months. Each and every version his mind had come up with had ended in disaster.

But lunch went fine. Sure, no one said anything to Louis at all, except for Harry. In fact, with the exception of a few players, it seemed almost as though they were ignoring Louis. But with the way Harry kept turning his head to gaze at the older boy, Louis couldn’t find himself to care. 

When the warning bell rang, everyone scrambled from the table, Louis following Harry to his third period class like a puppy.

“Louis,” Harry said while they waited by the door for the teacher.

“Yes, love,” Louis replied sweetly.

Harry smiled and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Louis’ cheek, “Thanks for doing this. I love you and it means the world to me.”

“Love you too,” Louis whispered back quietly before pulling Harry into his arms. The two boys held each other close even as the teacher unlocked the door and the halls cleared.

“You should go to class,” Harry said, after a while.

“One more minute,” Louis replied, finally feeling the sense of relief he had been craving for so many months.

  
  
  



	21. Coach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short and I don't like the ending that much but I wanted to get something out for you guys
> 
> also just wanted to say that I love when you guys comment :):) it always feels good to know people are actually reading
> 
> (unedited)

And everything was perfect, for a few days at least. Sure, some of Louis’ team seemed to be avoiding him, but he also started to do some avoiding too.

He had changed in the school bathrooms, rather than the locker rooms, whenever he had practice, and he didn’t even change after practice, instead, he would wait outside, talking to Harry, until he had counted that every boy had left the room before locking up, as was his job as captain.

However, on the next Monday, the coach had noticed.

“Tomlinson!” He called as everyone left the field and headed to the locker room. Louis glanced up to the bleachers where Harry was sitting by himself, before walking up to his coach.

“Coach,” Louis greeted, “What can I do for you?”

“Well I wanted to congratulate you,” His coach explained.

“On what, sir?” Louis asked, although he was pretty sure he knew what he was talking about. 

“Coming out is a really big deal, Louis, I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Louis said, gratefully. Harry’s mum had said the same thing but it still felt nice to hear it from someone who Louis considered to be a father figure.

“I have noticed some things, though.” Louis nodded his head. “You haven’t been using the locker rooms?”

“Uhm,” Louis hesitated, “I just don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”

The coach frowned, “Why don’t you tell your boyfriend he can head home? I’d like to talk to you in my office and it looks like it’s going to rain soon.”

“I’m his ride home,” Louis explained, “But I’ll just give him my car keys and he can head home, come get me later.”

The coach frowned again but nodded, following Louis from a few feet behind to the bleachers.

Harry walked down to meet Louis when he saw his boyfriend heading over to him.

“Hi baby,” Louis greeted, reaching over the short fence to take Harry’s hand in his, “Coach needs to talk to me for a while so I’ll give you my keys and you can drive yourself home?” Harry had gotten his provisional licence over the weekend.

“You sure, Lou? I can just wait for you,” Harry said.

“No, no, I don’t know how long it’ll be, I can just walk later.”

“I don’t want you to have to walk, it’s your car. I can walk home, don’t worry.”

“I will worry, if you’re walking, looks like it might rain.”

“Louis,” Harry replied stubbornly, “Seriously sweetie, I’ll be okay.

Louis hesitated before leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s cheek, “Alright, fine. Go home then, before it rains, I’ll see you in a bit. Text me when you get home, yeah?”

“Alright,” Harry agreed, before starting to walk off in the direction of the parking lot. “Love you,” He called over his shoulder, making Louis smile before turning around to his coach, who was smiling at him.

“You’ve got a good one,” He said.

Louis smiled and nodded, “He’s the best.”

Louis then followed his coach silently through the locker room, where he made sure to keep his eyes trained on the floor, and into the office, where he took a seat across from the coach.

The coach looked at Louis for a moment.

“So you wanted to talk about…” Louis trailed off.

“Why haven’t you been changing in the locker room with everyone else?”

“Like I said before, I don’t want to make any of the guys uncomfortable.”

“Why would your presence make anyone uncomfortable?” Louis shrugged, not really knowing why. He could hear the guys slowly clearing out from the locker room and he prayed that no one could hear the conversation going on in the office.

“Has anyone given you any trouble?” 

Louis shook his head. “I just don’t want to start anything.”

“Are you scared they’ll hurt you? I can talk to the team. You shouldn’t have to live in fear.”

“It’s really okay,” Louis said after a moment, “I don’t mind changing in the bathrooms.”

“I mind though, Louis. No one on my team will be discriminated against or bullied. But also, as team captain, I need you in the thick of things, making sure that no one else is being bullied, and making sure that everyone acts as a team. No one will respect you as captain if you act like you’re not a part of the team. This may not seem like a big deal now, but once we start playing games that count at the end of the month, it’ll be important that they all listen to and respect you.”

Louis frowned and reached down to play with the hem of his shirt, a habit he had picked up from Harry. “I get what you’re saying, coach, but I’m really not worried about myself. I guess… Well, I know I can handle myself and handle anyone who gives me any problems. It’s just… Harry… If someone were to hurt him,” Louis paused, trying his best not to imagine Harry in any sort of pain, “I can’t let Harry get hurt. And I can’t always be there to protect him. So I just want to make sure that I do everything in my power to keep him safe, even if that means I have to step down from being captain. I understand if you want someone else to do it.”

“You really love him.” Louis nodded but avoided eye contact with the coach. “Tomlinson, I don’t want anyone but you to be captain. You’ve done a great job both this year and last year, and you have every quality I want in a captain.”

“But…” Louis said.

“No buts. I’m going to talk to the team, make it clear that bullying will not be tolerated, even if no one is doing anything at the moment. And then you are going to start using the locker rooms again. Okay?” 

Louis nodded, “Is that all?”

“Just one more thing. I tried calling your house to have this conversation.” Louis froze. “A young girl answered, I’m assuming it was your sister. But she said you didn’t live there anymore?”

Louis tried to swallow past the lump in his throat but at that moment it felt impossible.

“Where are you living right now, Louis?”

Louis looked down, not wanting to talk about any of it.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay, Louis.”

Louis took in a deep breath before speaking, “I’m fine, I’m staying with Harry.”

The coach sighed, “Is this a permanent situation? Why aren’t you living at home?”

“Uhm… My mum kicked me out, when she found out about Harry… And his mum let me stay there. She’s, uh, really supportive, she’s great,” Louis said quietly.

“You’re okay then? I want to make sure that you have what you need. There are resources available to you and I can help you access them.”

Louis smiled weakly, “Thanks, but I have everything I need. Harry and, uh, his mum are great, just great.”

“What about your mother? Do you have plans to move back there? Would you like to look into emancipation? I can help you with that.”

Louis shrugged, “I actually already turned eighteen so there’s really no need. I’ll live with Harry until I go off to uni in the fall.”

“Do you have a plan for if something happens between you two?”

Louis frowned, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, “Harry and I are in it for the long haul, really.” Louis met his coach’s eyes and could see the concern in them. “Honestly, if something were to happen between Harry and I, I don’t know how I would be able to go on. He’s just… He’s everything to me.”

The coach nodded but still ripped a piece of paper from the notebook in front of him and quickly wrote something down before handing it to Louis. “Here’s my personal cell, if you need something, please let me know. I just want to make sure that you are okay, Louis.”

Louis nodded and took the paper, “Can I go now?

“Yes, just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you.”

  
  
  



	22. Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Louis texts and drives in this chapter which is BAD, do NOT text and drive, Louis makes a lot of bad decisions in this book, do not do what he does
> 
> oof im so bad at titles also i literally just wrote this and now im posting this so apologies for mistakes
> 
> love to everyone that comments, leaves kudos, and even just reads <3<3
> 
> (also check out the one shot I posted this week, it's really not that good but people seem to like it)

Louis left his coach’s office with a lighter heart. Although he was hesitant about the coach speaking to the team, he knew that, at the end of the day, it would be for the best. And, more than anything, Louis wanted only the best for Harry.

He grabbed his bag and headed to his car before starting on his journey home. It was the end of February and although there was still a chill in the air, Louis couldn’t help but feel excited for the coming months. Not only was spring, summer, sun, the beach, all with Harry, coming, but Louis was excited to spend his last few months at school with his boyfriend. Out and proud and freer than he had ever been before.

And at the end of it all he would be graduating and leaving Doncaster, leaving behind every negative feeling he had ever had, leaving behind the rejection he had felt from his parents. But also leaving behind his sisters, and Harry, the people he loved most in the world, the people he would fucking die to protect. But he knew it was necessary.

He thought that he and Harry could spend a year apart, skyping and texting and visiting on weekends. He wasn’t one to believe in long distance, but Louis believed that if anyone could do it, it was them.

And Louis was halfway home when he got a text from Lottie, which he quickly opened. He knew not to text and drive, he really did, his mum had spent hours lecturing him about the do’s and don’ts of driving the moment he got his licence, but he had been questioning a lot of what his mum had told him.

_ Lottie: Mum and dan have gone out for the night. Will you please come over? we miss you _

_ Louis: course lots , now ? I’m on my way home from footie but I can come after I shower , about 15 min ? _

_ Lottie: ok, bring harry? the twins love him _

Louis grinned and shot back an okay before, soon enough, he was pulling into Harry’s driveway. He parked the car and rushed into the house, closing and locking the door behind him. Harry liked to keep it locked at all times and Louis knew that the younger boy had only left it open for him.

“Haz!” Louis called, not receiving a response, assuming that his boyfriend was probably up in his room. Harry hated shouting and would rather wait for Louis to come find him.

And Louis was right. He dragged his bag up the stairs and paused in the doorway to Harry/his room to see the younger boy, fast asleep, lying on his stomach with just a thin blanket wrapped tightly around him.

Louis couldn’t help the fond smile that covered his face before he moved slowly onto the bed and lay down right beside Harry. He ran his fingers lightly over Harry’s back before bringing them to the boy’s hair. He felt Louis move closer to him before the younger boy opened his eyes in a squint.

“Hmm?” Harry made a confused noise but smiled at the way Louis was looking at him all soft.

“You’re so pretty,” Louis mumbled, watching the way Harry’s smile grew.

“Why’re you waking me up?” Harry whispered quietly, his voice still lingering with sleep, like the rest of his body only craved to do.

“Lottie said we should go over. I’m gonna shower and then we can head over,” Louis explained before getting off the bed and opening a drawer, rummaging around for clean clothes.

“Your mum?” Harry asked, eyes following Louis as the older boy moved around the room.

“She’s gonna be out, apparently.” Louis turned around to Harry with a big smile and Harry felt his heart fill up with Louis’ happiness in a way that hadn’t been possible since the boy was kicked out. “Get outta bed, love, we can even shower together,” Louis suggested with a wink.

Harry smiled and pulled himself into a seated position with a groan. “Are you sure you want me there? I don’t want to impose on your sibling time.”

“Don’t be silly.” Louis walked back over to the bed and leant on his palms so he was face level with Harry, just centimetres apart. “They love you, I love you.” Louis pressed a quick kiss to Harry’s mouth before striding out of the room, presumably to take a shower.

Harry just kept smiling and moved to change out of his uniform, happy that the crinkles by Louis’ eyes had finally returned.

* * *

“Louis!” Was heard almost immediately when Louis stepped out of his car, having parked it in the driveway of his family home, the gateway to his old life.

Louis looked up to see Phoebe running at him so he quickly squatted down and pulled her into a hug, only pulling away when he felt Daisy trying to snuggle into his arms as well.

He pulled his youngest sisters into a tight hug, not wanting to let go. He could feel the couple inches that they had grown and both their hair were now in braids, whereas when he had left, they were almost always in pigtails.

“I missed you,” He said before giving them one final squeeze and standing up, only to see Harry smiling at him with a large grin.

He rolled his eyes at the boy before leading the group of them inside, where Lottie and FIzzy were waiting. He immediately engulfed his eldest two sisters in a hug, glad that Fizzy seemed to have let go of the anger she held the last time they saw each other.

“So what are we doing today?” Louis asked after they had all made their way to the kitchen. Louis had been quick to lead everyone passed the living room, the last place his life had been okay.

Fizzy shrugged before turning to Lottie who was already doing something on her phone, so Louis picked up each twin and sat them on the counter. “What do you guys wanna do?”

Harry watched fondly from the side as Louis and the five year olds tried to figure out what to do, until Daisy shouted out, “Let’s play hide and seek!”

So they played hide and seek.

Although Lottie complained, saying that at 12 she was too old for such a childish game, with a few words of encouragement from Harry and Louis, she gave in. 

“You’re the oldest, so you have to be the seeker first,” Daisy explained to Louis.

The older boy frowned and reached over to tickle her sides, making the young girl shriek.

“Fine,” He gave in, helping the young girls off the counter before pointing at Harry, “But one of you have to help Harry find a place to hide, he doesn’t know the house.”

“I’ll do it!” Phoebe said excitedly, jumping up and grabbing Harry’s hand.

“Alright, gang,” Louis said, sending a wink towards Harry who he could see was slightly flustered from all the attention, “I’m gonna count from 50.”

Louis counted before setting off and immediately spotting a head of curls sticking out from behind the kitchen table.

“H,” Louis said, stifling his laughter, “Why are you hiding there?”

Harry stood up, brushing off his legs before looking at Louis sheepishly, “I told Phoebe I was too tall for it.”

Louis rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders, pulling him in close for a moment. “Alright well help me find them then.”

The boys worked together and found the girls quickly. Louis was glad to know that even if their appearances had changed slightly, they had the same hiding spots and the same lovable personalities. Louis could almost pretend that it was actually a year in the future and he was home from university, spending the weekend with his sisters and his boyfriend. It was so close to perfect that Louis didn’t even care when the girls decided they wanted to do makeovers, allowing them to curl his short hair and put makeup on him.

This was the kind of activity that even Lottie couldn’t complain about. In fact, she was ecstatic to pull out her makeup, insisting that the lipstick she had just bought would look perfect on her brother.

Louis would groan and pretend to hate it but share secret grins with Harry, who actually looked quite pretty, in Louis’ opinion, with a yellow boy in his curls and eyeliner smudged around his eyes.

“Can I paint your nails, Harry?” Lottie asked, after she had finished doing Louis’ make up well, and had allowed the younger twins to go crazy on their brother.

“Uhh,” Harry hesitated for just a moment, “Sure.”

“What colour do you want?” Lottie held out an arrangement of colours. With four young girls in the house they had almost every colour imaginable.

Harry glanced at them shyly, “Which do you think will look good?”

Lottie hummed and frowned, “How about this one?”

It was a light blue colour that reminded Harry of Louis’ eyes when he first woke up in the morning, before he could think of anything but the warm boy next to him.

“I approve,” Louis butted in with a smile.

Harry smiled back at his boyfriend before nodding to Lottie, “Yeah, that one then.”

Lottie painted one hand in silence while Fizzy painted the other, the only sound in the room being the younger girls telling Louis all about their fight with another girl in their kindergarten class.

Harry leaned into Louis, who sat right beside him, perhaps a smidge to close but they were too used to always touching. Harry can’t help but picture their future together, as he does quite often when he sees Louis with his sisters. Harry could picture Lottie and Fizzy doing his nails on his wedding day, all dressed up before leaving to make sure Louis is actually dressed and not goofing off.

He pictured them with kids. Little, faceless, nameless children with loud giggles as Louis teases them, quieting when Harry enters the room, only for all of them to burst into laughter when the group rushes to engulf Harry in hugs, Louis leading the charge.

Harry was still hesitant about their chances. About the chances that love could be enough to hold them together. But he was optimistic. He wanted Louis and he wanted his sisters and he wanted little, laughing kids and a slightly short, blue-eyed husband to come home to every night.

So Harry thought that, maybe, if they tried hard enough, love could be enough.


	23. Unfair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think short chapters are okay if I'm updating again after two days

The next day Louis was nervous. He knew that the coach would be talking to the team at practice and he was worried that they would all hate him after. He wasn’t sure how specific the talk would be but he was sure that everyone would know that it was because of him.

After thinking about it, he really didn’t even think it would be necessary. Yeah, some of the players had stopped talking to him but maybe that was his fault. Louis was really good at reading people so if he could sense that someone was uncomfortable with him, he would typically try to escape the situation.

Of course that wasn’t quite ideal when he was the team captain. 

But Louis’ main concern had been Harry. He was worried that the boy would be bullied, tormented after coming out. But nothing had happened. At least from what Harry told him, and from what Louis heard around school, no one seemed to care.

Which was good.

Louis had to drop off an assignment to a teacher so he texted Harry to just meet him in the cafeteria. Louis knew that Harry preferred sitting in the library, where it was quiet, but Louis loved being able to share his food with Harry and wrap his arm around his boyfriend, so all the school that they were together. So, in the week or so since they had come out, Harry had been sitting with Louis and the football team in the cafeteria. 

Louis was eternally grateful to Harry for sacrificing his lunchtime peace but he couldn’t help but think that it was really great for Harry to sit with them. Many of the guys on the team were really nice and would engage with Harry in conversation about homework, and TV shows, and, Harry’s favourite topic, Louis. 

Jade and Stan had broken up so, although Harry had mostly forgiven Jade, they never really spoke anymore. Instead, Harry had become pretty good friends with Stan and Ed, who was short and ginger, and was a really good goalie.

But when Louis sat down across from Ed and Stan, ten minutes into the period, Harry still wasn’t there.

“Where’s your boy?” Stan immediately teased.

Louis frowned, ignoring the boy’s teasing nature. “I was gonna ask you, actually. We were supposed to meet here.”

Stan met Louis’ frown with his own and turned to Ed, “He was in your chem class, right?”

Ed had failed chemistry the year before and had hated having to sit in class with the year below him, until he realized that Harry was in the class. They had started pairing up for labs and assignments.

“Yeah we did a lab but I think he was running to the bathroom or something. I’m not sure, I had to stay back to talk to the teacher.”

Louis pursed his lips and pulled his phone from his pocket, shooting Harry a quick text to ask where he was.

“Coach said he was gonna give the team a talk today,” Louis said, making small talk although his chest was tight.

“Oh really?” Louis watched as Stan picked at his soggy sandwich.

“Yeah. He noticed I wasn’t changing in the locker rooms and decided to give the team a talk on bullying or some shit.”

“Everyone’s been fine to you, though, yeah?” Ed said, concern lacing in his voice. Louis was happy he was in chemistry with Harry.

“Yeah, told ‘im it wasn’t really needed but whatever.” They sat in silence for a few minutes before Louis started shifting in his chair. 

He glanced around, looking for Harry mostly but only noticed that their table, which on practice and game days was always ninety percent full, was missing about a third of the team.

“Where is everyone?” Louis asked quickly.

Ed and Stan both looked around and frowned, “That’s weird. I wonder if there’s a trip or something.”

“No,” Louis said, standing up slowly, “We have practice today, I would’ve known if there was a trip.”

Louis’ fingertips began to tingle and he couldn’t help but feel panic rising in his chest. It could not be a coincidence that the players who were gone were also the ones that had been ignoring him since he and Harry had come out. Not a chance.

“Fuck,” Louis swore and grabbed his bag, rushing out of the cafeteria. He didn’t really know where he was going but all he could think about was Harry and keeping the boy safe.

Louis tore down the hallways, glancing around for a sight of his boy or his players, but there was none.

Until he reached the science hallway and got the urge that maybe he should check the bathroom, afterall, Ed had said that he thought Harry had gone to the bathroom. So Louis pushed the door open, even though, looking back on it, he could have lived his entire life very peacefully without seeing what was behind the door.

There were about seven or eight of his players, rowdy and shouting and all crowded around one spot.

Louis’ heart dropped and suddenly he was shouting. Shouting at the boys to move, to get off, to stop, because he knew in his heart that it was Harry that they were all crowded around. Without even seeing the boy, he knew and he wanted to puke.

The players looked towards him, half of them looking somewhere between scared and shocked while the other half looked almost smug. Louis wanted to punch each and every one of them.

But instead, he took all of his anger and channeled it into his voice, not risking sounding too girly or weak as he often thought he did, “Get the fuck outta here! Now!”

Louis pushed through the boys as they left, not even caring who they were. The coach would deal with them later. And then Louis saw Harry and his heart broke.

The boy was cowering in the corner of the bathroom, head between his knees as he obviously struggled through a panic attack. Louis quickly reached to wrap his boyfriend in his arms but at his touch, Harry recoiled and whimpered out, “Please don’t touch me.”

“Baby,” Louis said softly, “It’s just me.”

Louis could hear the boy’s laboured breathing when he lifted his head. He could see the tears tracking their way down Harry’s pale skin and the slight bruising around his eye.

“Oh, baby,” Louis whispered. Harry just let out a sob. “I’m so sorry, Harry. This is all my fault.”

Harry sucked in a breath and made a slight choking sound. “It’s not your fault.”

Louis hesitantly rested his hand on Harry’s arm and when the boy didn’t flinch, Louis pulled him onto his lap. Although Harry had at least an inch on him at this point, the boy was pliable and just about fell into him.

Louis held him tightly, waiting for his breathing to return to normal. Once they were, Louis wiped the tears off Harry’s face and pressed soft kisses on his cheeks, holding the boy tightly all the while.

Luckily, the bathroom in the science hallway was scarcely used, and the boys were able to sit in silence until the bell rang.

“Do you want to go to class?” Louis asked Harry, who had his head resting on the older boy’s shoulder while he played with his fingers. Louis, on the other hand, had been stewing in guilt over what had happened.

Harry shook his head slowly, his hair falling into his eyes, although Louis was quick to push it back for him. “Could we go home?”

Louis nodded and they waited in silence until a few minutes after the bell announcing the start of class had rung. Then they made their way out the back doors of the school and to Louis’ car. 

“I’ll have to come back for practice,” Louis mumbled on the drive home. He was trying harder than anything to keep himself from looking at Harry’s darkening, swollen eye.

“Okay,” Harry replied quietly. The younger boy let Louis baby him, open his car door and unlock the house, make him some tea and lie him down on the couch with a blanket, music playing quietly from the TV.

Louis lay down so that he was between the back of the couch and Harry, spooning the younger boy, holding him as if he might float away. 

“I’m so sorry, H, this is what I was scared would happen.”

Harry frowned and wiggled around so he was facing Louis. Like that, he could see that the boy’s eyes were teary, matching his croaky voice. “It’s not your fault,” Harry whispered.

“Yes it is,” Louis insisted. “This never would’ve happened if we didn’t come out.”

Harry looked down at where his hands were resting on the place where Louis’ dress shirt met his uniform slacks. “It’s really not because of that.”

Louis brought a hand up to Harry’s chin, making the boy look at him. “What do you mean? Why else would they do that?”

Harry shrugged and looked away again, “They said something about my nail polish.”

Louis looked at Harry’s hands, the light blue polish standing out. He couldn’t believe that anyone would say something about it. “But it’s so pretty.”

Harry smiled and pressed his lips to Louis’ in a sweet kiss. “You know you’re literally the best there is.”

Louis pushed their lips together in a slightly deeper kiss but when he pulled away, all he could focus on was Harry’s startling black eye. “But your eye. And you’re hurt, Haz.” Louis didn’t know what to say. He felt so guilty.

“It’s okay, Lou. I’ll just take off the nail polish and boom-” Harry made an exploding motion with his hands, drawing a quiet chuckle from Louis’ lips. “-no more problems.”

Louis’ amusement was quickly gone though, and he pressed his forehead into Harry’s neck before whispering, “It’s not fair.”

Harry brought a hand up and began to card it through Louis’ soft, feathery hair. “It’s not, but that’s okay.”


	24. Practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop woop third chapter in three days
> 
> (this is short tho)

When Louis showed up to practice that afternoon, he was pissed. He arrived 10 minutes late, first of all, because he couldn’t pry himself away from Harry, who had fallen asleep on the couch and just looked so cuddly and inviting. The coach gives him a weird look when he drops his bag on the bench when everyone else has already started passing the ball around in some relaxed drills. They had a game the next day, their first real game of the season, and the coach always went easy on them the day before so as to avoid injuries and soreness.

But Louis had too much anger to pass the ball around casually with the same people who had beat up his boyfriend just hours earlier. So he started running laps around the track. Their normal warm up was two laps, which presumably the team had done before he arrived, but Louis couldn’t stop at just two.

After just two laps, Louis felt nothing so he kept running until his lungs were burning and he could tell that the coach was trying to get his attention each time he sprinted by but Louis knew that if he stopped running he may find the kids that had hurt Harry and punch each and every one of them in the face. Or he would cry. And he really didn’t want to know which.

It was only when his coach walked directly onto the track and grabbed Louis’ arm did the boy stop running, out of breath, lungs and eyes stinging.

“Tomlinson.”

Louis glanced around to see that the team was now scrimmaging, but when he turned back to talk to his coach, he caught the eye of one of the guys that had been with Harry. The guy, Ben Louis thought his name was, raised an eyebrow at the sight of Louis before smirking, reminding Louis of the smug look he had had in the bathroom.

“Oh fuck off!” Louis shouted, pulling out of his coach’s

grasp and storming over to the boy. Although Ben had a good few inches on Louis, Louis pulled on the boy’s shirt and socked him right across the face.

He heard a few ‘ooh’s from the crowd of players around them but Louis took advantage of Ben’s startled state and punched him two more times before he was pulled back from someone. Louis was being moved away but he caught sight of Ben smirking slightly, through the blood that was gushing from his nose. This set Louis off and he got away from whoever’s grip for just enough time to kick the guy in the balls.

“Tomlinson!” Louis was whipped around by the coach’s hand on his arm, but as soon as he made eye contact with him, Louis burst into tears.

Louis could see the hint of panic in the man’s face but he was quick to instruct someone to take Ben to the nurse and for everyone else to stay on the field before he guided Louis off, through the locker room and into his office.

It was only once the door was closed and Louis was sat in the same seat he had been in the day before that he let his tears fall. He pressed his face into his hands and tried to take deep breaths, remembering everything that he would have Harry do when the younger boy was upset.

“What was that?” The coach asked. Although his words were angry, his tone was calm and Louis felt comforted, although a bit ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” He choked out. All he could picture was Harry, crying his eyes out and Ben’s bloody smirk.

“Why would you do that?” Louis just shrugged, he wasn’t a violent person. “C’mon Tomlinson, I know you, you wouldn’t just do that unprovoked.”

Louis looked up at the coach who was running a hand through his hair and drumming the other one on the desk between them. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does, Louis,” He insisted. “If this was just you beating him up, I’ll have to kick to off the team.”

“I don’t fucking care,” Louis groaned, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Louis,” The coach pressed, standing up and walking around the desk so he was right in front of Louis. “Did he do something to you?” Louis shook his head and the coach paused, as if in thought. “Did he do something to your boyfriend?”

Louis stayed silent. He hated every person involved for hurting Harry but he wasn’t a snitch, and, above all, he blamed himself.

“I’ll be back,” The coach said before leaving the office. Louis stewed in silence for several minutes until he returned. The coach sat down on the other side of the desk and the two sat for a moment before he spoke. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, Louis. Some of the players told me what happened and neither you nor your boyfriend deserve this. I’ve spoken to everyone about it and Ben has been kicked off the team. Anyone else who bullies you, or any one else, will also be kicked off.

“If you have any other problems, Louis, please let me know. I know this all must be very difficult for you but I want you to know that you have people on your side, supporting you.”

Louis’ eyes shone with tears but he tried his best to blink them back before he looked at the coach. “I’m sorry for punching him but- Harry was just so sad today and-and they don’t even give a fuck. They’re just fucking, fucking assholes and I’m so-” Louis hiccuped as he tried to hold back his sobs, “I’m so fucking angry! How could someone do that to Harry? He’s literally the sweetest boy I’ve ever met.”

Louis sobbed quietly as the coach stood up and pulled Louis up from his seat with a gentle but firm hand. He put one hand on each of Louis’ shoulders and forced the boy to look at him. “I’m not going to lie to you, Louis. Life sucks and it’s probably going to suck more for you, and for Harry, because of who you are. But you are strong enough to get through it. It’s okay to be upset and to break down every once in a while but then you need to get up and stand taller than everyone else. Okay?”

Louis nodded slightly and allowed the coach to pull him into a hug. Louis couldn’t help but let out an extra sob because the coach was hugging him and he was the closest thing, other than Anne, that Louis had to a parent.

“Thank you,” Louis whispered after a minute had passed, stepping away. “I think I should go home now.”

“Okay,” The coach agreed, “I already sent everyone home so the locker room and parking lot should be clear.”

Louis nodded and walked to the door, saying another quiet  _ thank you _ before leaving.

When Louis opened the door, he could hear Anne and Harry in the kitchen, quiet but happy voices that made Louis smile. Louis slipped off his shoes and dropped his bag on the floor, entering the kitchen to see Louis at the table, chopping onions and Anne at the stove, sautéing something.

Harry hadn’t noticed him but Louis gave Anne a tight smile and approached his boyfriend. He carefully wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and pressed his forehead to the back of Harry’s neck, taking in the warmth and the smell of his boy. It was everything he needed to end his terribly shit day.

“Alright, Lou?” He heard Harry’s quiet voice followed by the brush of a hand over his wrist before the sound of chopping resumed.

Louis pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s back before nodding and adding a whispered  _ I love you. _

And yeah, maybe Louis was right about the world being terrible and unfair, but maybe Harry was right too, about that being okay.


	25. Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of updates coming this week
> 
> also there's smut in here written by the lovely Mel (hi)

It was nearing the end of March when everything changed. Things had been good. It had been about a month since everything went down with Louis’ footie team, and although no one had done anything to him or Harry, Louis felt kind of awkward with the team.

Some of them he remembered from the bathroom, and still had a lot of pent up anger towards them while with some he just felt weird being around. He felt almost guilty for getting Ben kicked off the team and he knew that everyone knew it was his fault. Sure, Ben was a twat, but there was this code within the team that whatever happens happens, but your teammates are your brothers. Louis had never felt that way about them.

Louis had never told Harry what happened. Just that one of the kids that had beat him up was kicked off the team and that the coach had talked to all of them. Harry didn’t say anything but he frowned at Louis’ bruised knuckles, insisting he clean the small cuts littering his boyfriend's hands. 

But it was good. Louis liked being out, he liked being out with Harry. The two had started walking each other to class and hanging out together, and with Ed and Stan. Louis had switched seats in English class so they could sit together and they would spend the whole class passing notes and smiles and quiet nudges under the desks.

And then came the end of March and Louis got an email. It was a Tuesday, which meant that Anne worked late and Louis and Harry had the time to get each other off slowly and intimately. They hadn’t had sex yet. Neither of them had done it before and frankly, neither of them felt ready. Even though they were 18 (and 17) and they had been together for six months at that point, Louis especially didn’t feel like it was enough. He wanted the world for Harry and, although he knew in his heart that they would be together forever, he still wanted to be careful. Six months just felt too early.

But they got each other off and they were happy. They were entirely content to stick to blow jobs and hand jobs and occasionally, when they had more time, fingering.

That day they had a bit more time. When they were done, Harry went to shower - he always liked to shower after - and Louis lay on the bed in a state of blissful peace. A few minutes after Harry had left, he grabbed his phone from the bedside, which was blasting a certain playlist, and he decided to check his email.

And there it was. His future sitting in an inbox.

_ Congratulations! You have been accepted… _

And Louis was happy, he really was. But his first thought, after a quick burst of excitement, was  _ Harry _ .

Because this school, the only one he had heard back from, was in London. And it was a damn good school. 

Louis hadn’t really expected to get in. His marks weren’t that great and, after talking to Gemma, really only thought he could get into Liverpool. His marks weren’t good enough to get into anywhere else. But UCL, the school that was now offering him a spot, had a supplementary application, so they had looked at more than just his grades. And, to be frank, Louis had some damn good things to talk about. He wrote about leadership and footie and he had also taken advantage of the act that he had a boyfriend and had written about the struggles associated with being gay. He had felt slightly ashamed for taking advantage of it, but if it was going to get him into school then so be it.

And now there he was. He had gotten in.

How was he going to tell Harry?

Louis put his phone back on Harry’s side table, plugging it in and just letting the sound of the 1975 relax him as he tried to figure out how he could possibly tell Harry that he was leaving.

But then Harry walked into the room, towel wrapped around his waist, the hairs at the bottom of his neck dripping water down his torso and back. Harry grinned at Louis and plopped onto the bed beside the older lad.

“Hi,” Harry said, pulling himself onto his elbows so he could look at Louis.

And then Louis knew. He couldn’t go to London. He couldn’t leave this boy, he wouldn’t. Harry was the love of his life and he wasn’t about to up and leave that. Harry was everything and even if that meant that Louis went to Liverpool and got some shit degree, he didn’t care. 

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Harry asked in his quiet, sweet voice, bringing a hand up to Louis’ cheek and stroking it softly.

Louis smiled and brushed away his thoughts, moving his hands to Harry’s waist and pulling the younger boy on top of him, letting the towel slip away a bit.

Harry squeaked but went gratefully, happily laying his body on top of Louis and capturing the boy’s lips in a deep kiss. Louis pressed in and licked at Harry’s lips for a moment before the younger boy parted them, allowing Louis access to his mouth.

Louis licked across Harry’s tongue and his teeth before sucking on his bottom lip in the way that he knew drove the younger boy crazy. Harry shifted on top of him, one hand on Louis’ face and the other gripping tightly to his bare waist. 

“Again?” Louis asked, nudging at Harry with his hips when he felt the boy hardening slightly.

Harry blushed, “But I already showered.”

Louis glanced at the clock and shrugged, “We still have time, you’re mum won’t be home for over an hour.”

As soon as the older boy saw his boyfriend nod his head, he captured Harry’s lips again, rubbing his hands softly down his boyfriend’s back and waist. Louis then grabbed his hips and rolled them over without breaking the soft, passionate kiss. Louis brought his hands to the back of Harry’s head, pulling at the short hairs, causing the younger boy to gasp inside his boyfriend’s mouth. Louis could feel the younger lad getting harder under him, making his own member grow hard as Harry rolled his hips softly under him. 

Louis kept kissing the younger boy until they had to pull away for air, but even then, Louis’s lips never left Harry’s body as they travelled down his jaw and neck, kissing softly.

“You can leave marks, Lou,” Harry reminded him, slightly out of breath, as he held onto the older boy tightly. That was something new, being able to leave love bites on each other. Although Harry was slightly embarrassed anytime his mum noticed them, raising her eyebrows and frowning slightly. But he liked to have them on display at school, almost as much as he loved the way Louis looked with them. Walking down the halls and running across the footie field, so clear that he belonged to someone and that someone was Harry.

Harry felt the older boy nod against his collarbone where he began sucking marks into Harry’s skin. He made his way down, skipping over Harry’s crotch, until his hands traced Harry’s thighs teasingly, making the young boy whine and arch his back slightly. When Louis’s hand finally reached the younger boy’s length, he only stroked it up and down twice before Harry put his own hands on Louis’s biceps, pulling him back up. The older boy looked up at Harry with a slight questioning look.

“Alright, Haz?”

“Wanna make you feel good, Lou.” 

The older lad soon found himself resting against the pillows again as Harry got comfortable between his legs and tentatively began to stroke Louis’s member. He looked up at the blue-eyed boy with such a loving look on his face, making Louis smile softly. It made Louis begin to think about Harry. Kind, amazing, understanding Harry who meant the world to everyone who knew him.

And Louis knew that he would have to say no to the school in London. It wasn't worth leaving Harry. Nothing would be.

He pushed all those thoughts at the back of his head though when Harry brought his face closer to his cock, but was still looking up at his boyfriend with a slight unsure look on his face. Louis gave him a reassuring and placed his hand on the back of Harry’s neck, gently guiding the boy’s lips to his cock. Louis stroked the back of his boyfriend’s head as Harry took the tip into his mouth, closing his eyes with a hum, making Louis groan.

Harry began to take him deeper into his mouth and bob his head slowly, but Louis didn’t care nor did he try to rush the younger lad. Louis liked their sex to be slow and sweet, a true connection between souls rather than a rush to get each other off. Louis slowly combed his fingers through Harry’s hair and glanced down at his boyfriend. It was a beautiful sight; Harry looking up at him with slightly teary, cloudy green eyes and red, swollen lips wrapped around Louis’ cock, one hand stroking what he couldn’t fit in his mouth, the other toying with the small hairs Louis had on his thighs. It didn’t take long for the older lad to cum inside Harry’s mouth.

“C’mere, love,” Louis said quietly, after catching his breath. He tugged Harry up to his chest and wrapped his arms around the boy, making him whine at the feeling of his painful length rubbing up against Louis’ body, aching to be touched.

Louis rolled them over so they were on their sides, facing each other and connected their lips in a deep, dirty kiss. He brought one hand up to the side of Harry’s neck, tugging at the hairs softly while he brought his other hand down and wrapped it around Harry’s hard cock.

Harry tried his best to keep quiet but Louis knew just how to make him go crazy, tugging and flicking his wrist in just the right way. With another strong tug at his member, Harry held tightly onto Louis’ waist and rested his head against the boy’s shoulder, releasing a loud moan as he let himself fall apart.

When Harry had caught his breath, Louis grabbed a shirt from the floor to clean them off and covered them with a blanket, letting Harry cuddle in close. Harry was very cuddly after sex, just wanting to be touching Louis at all times and, although the older boy would be hard pressed to admit it, he enjoyed it too. It just made the entire experience all the more intimate and loving.

After a few minutes, Louis glanced at the clock. “You’re mum’ll be home soon, we should probably get dressed.”

Harry whined and tugged at Louis’ arm in an effort to keep the boy close. “Five more minutes.”

“Okay,” Louis agreed with a chuckle but pulled Harry impossibly closer to him, “I love you.”


	26. Can We Do It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the longest chapter in the whole book.
> 
> also, the story will probably be over in about 5 or 6 chapters plus two time skips and a short epilogue

When Harry’s mum got home that night, they had a quiet dinner, watching TV on the couch while Harry drifted closer and closer to sleep. Louis helped Anne clear the dishes and clean the kitchen, something he was getting quite good at. From the kitchen, they could hear Harry’s choked snores and Louis couldn’t help but laugh, making Anne smile.

“How’s school, Louis?” Anne asked as they cleaned.

Louis shrugged and smiled, “It’s alright, just trying to get through these last few months really.”

Anne hummed, “Speaking of that, have you heard back from any universities?”

And Louis couldn’t help but think that that might’ve been fate.

He hesitated but when he glanced at Anne’s warm smile it reassured him. “I haven’t told Harry yet, so please don’t tell him.”

“Of course.”

“I heard back from UCL today, I got in.”

Anne immediately gasped, “Did you really? Oh my god, Louis, that’s such a great school!”

Louis shrugged but couldn’t help the happy smile that graced his face when Anne wrapped him in a tight hug and whispered, “I am so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Louis said after they had pulled away, “But I don’t think I’m gonna go.”

Anne frowned, “Why wouldn’t you go?”

Louis looked down, “I don’t want to leave.”

“It’s only three or four hours, hun, and it’s such a good opportunity.”

Louis looked towards the living room, where he could still hear Harry snoring, “I don’t want to leave Harry. Or you, or my sisters… But Harry.”

“Oh Louis,” Anne sighed, “Come sit.”

Anne led Louis over to the kitchen table and they sat down across from each other. Anne took Louis’ hands in hers and held them tightly, “I know he’s my son, but you can’t stay here for him.”

“I love him,” Louis insisted. They never really said it in front of Anne.

“I know, love, I see it in you guys every single day…”

“But…” Louis added, raising his eyebrows slightly in anticipation.

“But if you stay here for him… I just don’t want you to resent him, I don’t want you to stay here for him and then years down the line, hate him for holding you back.”

“I could never hate him,” Louis argued.

“I know you think that now but, trust me, it happens.” Louis thought back to what Harry had told him about his father and realized that he didn’t actually know why the man had left. 

Louis frowned and tried to swallow around the lump in his throat, “I want to go, I want to go so badly but I’m scared. I don’t know how to live without Harry anymore. It’s just another year anyway, then I’ll just go wherever Harry goes.”

Anne frowned sympathetically, “Just talk to Harry, love, you know he hates to be kept in the dark.”

Louis nodded and watched as Anne stood up and headed to the stairs, saying a quick goodnight before disappearing. Louis couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh as he sat at the table, lost in his thoughts, for a few minutes longer.

Finally, he got up and made his way to the living room where Harry was sprawled peacefully on the couch, snoring away. Louis looked down at the sleeping boy with his heart completely full before leaning down and pressing a few soft kisses to the side of his face.

“Haz?” Louis whispered, bringing his hand to rub up and down the younger boy’s side. 

“Hmm?” Harry mumbled blearily, rubbing his face.

“Let’s go to bed, baby,” Louis said, pulling Harry to sit up.

“Okay,” Harry agreed sleepily, raising his arms in an effort to convince Louis to pick him up.

“Don’t think I can carry you, love,” Louis explained but tried anyway, pulling the boy into him. Louis couldn’t pick him up but he dragged his boyfriend up the stairs and to their room, where he helped Harry undress before doing the same himself and crawling under the covers together.

Harry rolled around, trying to get comfortable before ending up pretty much on top of Louis. The older boy chuckled but smiled nevertheless and wrapped his arms around Harry tightly.

“Love you,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ neck.

“Love you too,” Louis whispered into Harry’s hair, but all he could think about was how hard it would be to leave the boy. He didn’t think he could do it.

* * *

Things went back to normal for a while. Louis couldn’t bring himself to tell Harry about London, but he needed to give an answer by the beginning of June. It was mid May which meant he had only a couple of weeks to decide.

In the meantime, Louis had gotten into both Liverpool and Manchester, and when he had told Harry about his acceptances, the younger boy had been over the moon. He smiled and congratulated Louis before pulling him in close and peppering his face with kisses, followed by a congratulatory blow job that night. 

But each time Louis found himself alone with Anne, she would give him a look and he knew exactly what it meant. And every night, long after Harry had fallen asleep, Louis would find himself staring at the ceiling and counting the days he had left to tell Harry, and the days he had left to make a decision, and then the days he would have left in Doncaster if he decided to leave.

It was during these late nights that Louis would stare at the boy lying next to him and feel guilty. Harry had been so young when they started dating and Louis corrupted him. Not that Louis did anything bad to the boy on purpose, he would never, but over the winter, when he was dealing with his dad and coming out, he had been in a dark place.

He would never be able to forgive himself for all those times he had pulled into Harry’s driveway, well after Anne had fallen asleep, and convinced the sixteen year old to sneak out. He would never forgive himself for driving out to the middle of nowhere and getting drunk or high out of his mind. And he would never forgive himself for Harry having to learn how to drive on the spot, so Louis didn’t have to drive home while intoxicated. He would never be able to forgive himself for letting Harry smoke with him or give him a sip of beer. More than anything, he knew he would never forgive himself if he moved to London and something happened to Harry. But he didn’t know what he would possibly do if he stayed in Doncaster and resented Harry, years down the line.

But Louis, as much as he pretended to be, wasn’t brave. He could never have the courage to tell Harry he wanted to go away for university. So that was that.

One afternoon, Louis’ practice was cancelled due to the rain, so the two made their way home early and, even though it was a Monday and they knew Anne would be home by 5 30, they were desperate to be intimate. They had spent the weekend as a family, Gemma had driven home and Louis had brought Lottie and Fizzy over and as much as the two loved seeing their sisters together, they were fucking desperate.

“Okay, I’ll clean the kitchen real quick so Anne doesn’t get mad, you go upstairs and get ready,” Louis rushed out as they opened the door.

Harry smiled cheekily and pressed a kiss to Louis’ cheek before running up the stairs. Louis hurried over to the kitchen and hastily cleaned up their breakfast dishes, careful to wipe the counter that was sticky from the minor syrup dispute he had with Harry before school.

As soon as he was done, Louis ran up the stairs and to Harry’s room, desperately trying to pull his shirt off in order to streamline their whole process. But when he stopped in the doorway he saw Harry splayed out on the bed in only his boxers. The sight made Louis’ chest tight and he felt tears prick in the back of his eyes but he quickly linked them back and launched himself onto the bed.

“Hi,” He said.

“Hi,” Harry giggled before pulling Louis onto him.

Louis leaned forward to connect their lips and Harry gratefully accepted, bringing one hand to Louis’ cheek while the other buried in Harry’s hair. Louis nipped at Harry’s bottom lip, tugging it for a moment before slipping his tongue into Harry’s mouth.

The two kissed and Louis held himself up by an arm beside Harry’s head on the pillow while the other held Harry tightly by the waist, tightening his grip slightly every time Harry grinded up into him. Harry desperately pushed down Louis’ jeans and underwear, groping at his bum when Louis eventually gave in and slipped them off for the younger boy.

Freer, with just the layer of Harry’s boxers between them, their bodies moved in sync, grinding while their hearts beat in sync. After some time, Harry grabbed Louis' hand and intertwined their fingers together, pulling Louis’ attention away from the younger boy’s chest and stomach which was slowly being marked with dark bruises.

“Yeah, babe?” Louis asked, breathless, “You good?”

Harry nodded, “I’m ready.”

Louis nodded and brought his head back down, biting at when Harry’s jawline met his neck, “Alright, baby, wadduyou want?”

“No, Louis, I’m ready,” Harry insisted, squeezing Louis’ hand in his. “Like, I’m _ready_.”

“Oh-Oh!” Louis stuttered. “O-okay.”

Harry smiled and pulled Louis by his cheeks to kiss him deeply for a moment before pulling away and resting their foreheads together. “Only if you’re ready too.”

Louis frantically nodded and pulled Harry into another deep kiss. Louis kissed down Harry’s neck and torso before pulling his boxers down. Louis was quick to prep the younger boy with the lube that Harry tossed him from his nightstand, after all, that was something they had done before.

When Harry began to tremble, Louis deemed him ready and moved back up, pressing kisses to the boy’s face in a way that Harry deemed more sweet than sensual, but that’s just how Louis was when it came to sex. And Harry appreciated it.

“Condom?” Louis asked, breathless in anticipation.

Harry shook his head, “Don’t have one, but it’s okay.”

“You sure, baby?”

Harry nodded and pulled Louis in for a kiss. Harry felt like he knew the inside of Louis’ mouth better than anything he had ever learned.

Louis and Harry breathed together, hands intertwined, but just before pushing in, Louis stopped. He saw the way that Harry was looking at him and he just couldn't hold it in anymore. He felt so much for this boy but he couldn't hold back the feeling of dread that crept up every time he thought about what he was hiding from Harry.

He pressed his face into Harry’s neck and let out a quiet sob.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Harry rushed out, panicked as he felt his boyfriend take in a few deep breaths in rapid succession. He sat up a bit on his arms but Louis gripped tightly to his waist, not letting go. “What’s wrong?”

Louis sniffled and pulled away from Harry’s neck, meeting Harry’s dark, concerned eyes with his own that were rimmed in red. “I’m sorry, let’s keep going.”

Louis tried to kiss Harry but the younger boy held him at bay, “Louis, what the fuck? We can’t just keep going.”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

And Harry was transported back to that night, a few months before. When Louis had broken into tears as they made out because he was just so sad from what happened with his mother.

“Angel, you’re not fine.”

Louis looked up at Harry and only started to cry more. “I’m sorry,” He whispered between sobs, but Harry just pulled him closer and rubbed his back softly.

“Just tell me what’s wrong, Lou,” Harry pleaded.

Louis shook his head, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does,” Harry insisted, “Please.”

Louis took a deep breath and kept himself pressed against Harry, not wanting to look at the boy. “I got into UCL.”

“What?” Harry exclaimed, “Louis that’s great! That’s such a good school.”

Louis shook his head again, his hair brushing against Harry’s ear. “I’m not going.”

Harry frowned, “Why wouldn’t you go? It’s better than the other schools you got into. And it’s London, it’d be so exciting to live there.”

Louis took in a choked breath and pressed his lips against Harry’s neck, “I can’t leave you.”

“Oh,” Harry sighed and brought a hand up to card through Louis’ hair. “Oh, Angel, yes you can.”

Louis furrowed his eyebrows and moved so he could see Harry. “You need me and my sisters need me.”

“We’ll be fine, Louis, you can’t give up this opportunity for me. You can’t.”

Louis shook his head, “I can’t leave.”

“I’ll help your sisters, Louis, you need to do this,” Harry insisted. All he could think about was how he never wanted to cause Louis any pain, and clearly the boy was in so much pain with this decision. “If you don’t go I’ll break up with you.”

“What?” Louis asked in a state of absolute shock. “What the fuck, Haz?”

Harry sighed and tightened his grip around Louis’ waist. “I know that deep in your heart, you really want to go. It’s the right thing. And I don’t want to, I can’t hold you back, Louis, it would kill me.”

“You can’t break up with me just for staying. I’m staying so we can be together! How could I move all the way to fucking London and we still be together?”

They were fighting but their voices were laced with desperation and sadness more than any sort of anger.

“It’s only three hours by train, Lou. We can see each other all the time on weekends. You can drive back here or I can go out there, I could even bring Lottie or Fizzy sometimes.”

Surprisingly, it was Louis, rather than Harry, that was getting upset. Within their relationship, they were so used to Louis comforting Harry that whenever it was Louis who was vulnerable, they weren’t really sure what to do.

Louis looked at Harry through his eyelashes, that were damp with unshed tears, “How am I supposed to go from spending every waking minute with you to fucking nothing. Every other weekend, how the fuck will that work, Harry?”

Harry sighed and squeezed Louis' waist, “I love you, you love me?” Louis nodded. “We can do it, Lou, we can get through it and next year, I’ll apply for schools in London so we can be together.”

“But what if it’s too much?” Louis whispered, scared to say what he was feeling.

“Louis, you are the best person I know, if it’s too much for us then I really don’t know how anyone could do it.”

Louis slumped down against Harry and the younger boy leaned back against the pillow more so they were lying down together.

“We can do it,” Harry mumbled against Louis’ head, which was still pressed tightly to Harry’s neck.

“What if we can’t?” Louis whispered.

“We can.”

  
  
  
  



	27. Moving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the wait. I know it's been a week now but for some reason this chapter was really hard for me to write. We're so close to the end and I'm scared to say goodbye to this story that I've been working on for over a year now.
> 
> However, I have started working on a new story that I will be publishing when this one is over so hopefully that'll be up by the end of July at the latest.
> 
> Lots of love

So Louis accepted the offer. He applied to live in the dorms and Harry helped him pick out new bedsheets and a roommate. They spent all their time together and as relieved as Louis was to be moving to London, he was dreading the moment he would have to leave Harry.

Eventually, Louis graduated. Harry and Anne attended, along with Lottie and Fizzy. When Louis saw his sisters there, a surprise from Harry, he burst into tears. Happy tears, though. Louis knew he would miss his sisters and, through the summer, he and Harry spent more and more time with them. Lottie, at twelve, was technically old enough to babysit the twins but Jay opted to put them in daycamp for the majority of the summer, leaving Lottie and Fizzy at home to entertain themselves. After Jay and Dan left for work, Lottie would call Louis over and, more often than not, both he and Harry would go over.

Some days, just Louis went while Harry worked at his summer job (a bakery) and some days, neither of them went because they were both working (Louis had begun working as an assistant in some office closer to Sheffield). They tried to spend as much time as possible during the day with Louis’ sisters, and their evenings were reserved for couch dinners in front of the TV with Anne. But the nights, the nights were just for them. Louis would drive them to diners and ice cream shops and drive in theatres and they would spend all their time disgustingly in love. But, in their defense, every day that passed was one day closer to Louis leaving and they wanted to make the most of their time together.

Eventually, the time came for Louis to leave.

“That’s the last bag, mum,” Harry said, closing the back door to Louis’ small car. Through his many trips to his old house to visit his sisters, Louis had been able to swipe everything he wanted from his room. Now, almost all of Louis’ belongings were packed into his car, save for the clothes that were still sitting in Harry’s closet and dresser, waiting for his next visit.

“Okay, come give me a hug, Louis.” Louis knew it would be hard for him to say goodbye to Anne, the woman that had taken him in and treated him as if he were her own. But when he saw Anne’s eyes fill with tears and felt the way she pulled him in tight, he knew that he needed to be strong.

“I’ll be back real soon, Anne,” Louis said quietly into the hug. “Besides, you’ll still have Harry and, trust me,” Louis made eye contact with Harry over her shoulder, “He’s so much better than me.”

Anne laughed and Harry rolled his eyes. “I’ll be expecting you before the end of the month, young man.”

“Yes ma’am.” Louis nodded before stepping to the passenger side door and opening it. He motioned to Harry, “Coming in?”

Harry grinned and nodded, slipping into the seat and letting Louis close the door behind him. Harry was driving down to London with Louis to help the older boy move, and would be staying the weekend before returning to Doncaster via train on Sunday.

It took them about three and a half hours to get to London given the moderate traffic and their stop to get gas and snacks. They didn’t talk much during the drive. Sure there was the occasional comment but they mostly just basked in each other’s presence, singing along to Louis’ CD’s with their fingers intertwined tightly.

It was nearing noon, Louis’ scheduled move in time, when they pulled onto the campus. They parked close to the door of Louis’ dorm building, which they had toured on a day trip to London in July, and Louis ran off to the registration desk while Harry started pulling Louis’ stuff from the car and onto the sidewalk.

“Need some help?” Harry looked up to see a boy adorned in a brightly coloured university shirt.

“Um, sure,” Harry nodded and the boy walked over to the open back seat, beginning to pull out boxes and bags onto the curb.

“So what program are you in?” The boy asked.

“Oh, no,” Harry stuttered, “I’m just helping my boyfriend move in.” Harry looked up to see Louis walking over.

The boy nodded and gave Louis a smile as he approached.

“Hey,” Louis greeted, “I’m Louis.”

“I’m Ben, upper year volunteer. I was just helping your boyfriend with your stuff.”

“Alright, cool, thanks.”

With the help of Ben, they got everything out of the car and then Harry and Ben waited with the stuff while Louis parked the car in the spot he had reserved when he booked his dorm. After that, Ben helped them move everything to just outside Louis’ room, which was on the third floor.

“Alright, well if you need anything else, look for someone wearing this shirt.”

“Thanks Ben,” Louis replied, shaking the lad’s hand. “Are you ready?” He asked, turning to Harry.

Harry nodded and Louis unlocked the door. The dorm was quite simple, there were two twin size beds and, between them, two desks against the windows. On the wall with the door, there were two wardrobes.

“Looks like your roommate isn’t here yet,” Harry commented.

“Which means I get the first pick of the beds.” Louis grinned and immediately jumped onto one of the beds, testing it for a moment before jumping onto the other whilst Harry gathered the stuff from the hall and brought it into the room.

Eventually, Louis decided on the bed pushed against the right wall and began to help Harry put away his clothes and books.

“Hello.” Louis and Harry had just finished putting away Louis’ things when someone knocked on the door.

“Jack?” Louis asked.

The boy nodded, “Louis?”

“Yup. And this is my boyfriend Harry.” Harry smiled at Jack and gave a little wave.

“Nice to meet you both.” Jack said with a smile before starting to bring his things in from the hallway.

“You want some help?” Louis offered when he noticed Jack was alone.

“You sure?” The boy replied, “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“It’s really no problem,” Louis said with a smile, turning to Harry who nodded in agreement.

They helped Jack move all his stuff in before they sat down to get to know each other. Harry sat on Louis’ bed with his back pressed against the wall with Louis just beside him, sitting a bit more forward, while Jack sat on his own bed facing the two.

They spoke about their upcoming classes and discovered that even though Jack was majoring in Biochemistry, they both had a psych class together. Jack also seemed to already know a lot of people at the university as many of his friends stopped by to say hi. But Jack was very nice and introduced them all to Harry and Louis, and promised to bring Louis to the pub with them later on.

“So where are you guys from?” Jack asked.

“Doncaster.”

“And Harry, you still live there?” Harry nodded.

“Actually, Jack, I meant to ask you, is it alright if Harry stays the weekend here? We can get a hotel room if it’s a problem.” Louis asked.

“No, no, of course he can stay here.”

“Thanks,” Harry said with a smile.

“It must be hard for you guys to do long distance so, really Harry, any time you wanna come for the weekend or anything is fine with me. Just let me know when you want me out of the room.” Jack winked, making Louis laugh and Harry roll his eyes and tug on the back of Louis’ shirt.

They spoke for a while longer before deciding to head out for dinner as it was nearing five pm and none of them had eaten lunch. Luckily, they didn’t have any orientation activities until Monday, meaning that they had all of Saturday and Sunday to relax. Except Harry was leaving on Sunday and Louis really didn’t want to think about that.

So Louis and Harry went to a pub with Jack, where they met up with his friends. They ordered a bunch of food and watched the footie game on TV and, even though he was underage, Harry filled himself with beer and ended up absolutely smashed and in Louis’ lap.

“Your boy’s a lightweight,” One of Jack’s friends, Alif, commented with a chuckle. At that point, Harry was completely passed out in Louis’ lap, arms wrapped tightly around his boyfriend’s waist and his face pressed into Louis’ neck.

“Well it’s your fault,” Louis shot back to the group, “You kept giving him more drinks.”

“He’s just so cute,” Another one of the boys commented. Louis rolled his eyes but nodded. It was true.

It was approaching one in the morning when they decided to all head back to their homes and Louis had to wake up Harry.

“Haz,” He whispered into the boy’s ear, although the bar was loud, “Time to get up.” Louis shook him slightly and Harry roused, confused but he smiled goofily when he saw Louis staring down at him.

“Louis!” He said, startling their group as it was the loudest thing he had said all night. “My lovely Lou!”

Louis blushed as he heard the guys start to tease them. “C’mon baby, we gotta go.”

“No Lou! I don’t want you to go!” Harry’s eyes filled with tears. He was way drunker than any time he had ever been before. 

“No, baby,” Louis couldn’t help but chuckle, “You’re coming with me, back to my dorm.”

“Come home with me, Lou,” Harry insisted, eyes mostly dry now. Louis just sighed and forced the boy out of his lap. He followed the group out of the pub, Harry tucked into his side to keep the younger boy from tripping, something he had done the moment he stood up.

Luckily they weren’t too far from the dorm and with the help of Jack and Alif, who also lived in their building, they were able to get Harry into bed without much of a fight. Louis thanked them as Harry fell right asleep and then Alif went back to his room and Jack left to shower in the communal bathrooms.

Louis pulled off a sleeping Harry’s jeans and shoes before doing the same with his own and climbing into the bed with his boyfriend. He wrapped his arms around Harry and tried not to think about the fact that this was his second last night with Harry for who knows how long.

He pressed his face into Harry’s skin and inhaled, trying to remember how to breathe.


	28. Leaving

  
  


Harry awoke the next morning in pure bliss. His mind in a state of absolute bliss given the way he was warm and had his boyfriendloveofhislifeeverything wrapped tightly around his body. 

And then he remembered that it was Saturday, and it was his last full day with Louis. He would have to leave mid-day Sunday to catch his train back to Doncaster. And with that thought, Harry wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. To stay safe and warm in Louis’ arms forever and never face the world again.

But he was hungover and felt like he was gonna throw up so he had no choice but to pull himself from Louis’ embrace and stumble down the hallway to the communal bathrooms. The sun was just rising so the bathroom was empty, leaving Harry to puke in peace. Harry felt immensely better after emptying his system and he quickly rinsed his mouth out at the sink before heading back to Louis’ room.

Jack was still sleeping, just a lump under the covers, but when Harry looked to Louis, the older boy was scrolling through his phone, eyes still blurry with sleep and hair a soft, tangled mess. Harry never wanted to look at anything else.

“Where’d you go?” Louis whispered when he noticed Harry.

“Bathroom,” Harry whispered back, crawling back into the bed and plastering himself against Louis’ warm skin. Louis wrapped an arm around Harry and pulled him in close before returning to his phone where he was scrolling through his social media. Harry, with his head pressed into Louis’ neck, watched as Louis’ scrolled, occasionally commenting on the pictures of people he knew.

Stan and Ed were both going to school in Manchester and had posted pictures of their shared dorm. Jade was going up to Edinburgh for school and had posted pictures from her drive there, along with her and her sister in front of her school’s sign.

Harry liked talking about their friends but it made him sad to think about having to go to school all alone again. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back to sitting by himself and just listening to music all the time.

When he had voiced these concerns to Louis in June the older boy had reassured him that it would be different than before. Sure, Louis wouldn’t be there, their friends wouldn’t be there, but it’s not like they were disappearing. Louis had told him to text or call him whenever Harry needed and that Ed, Stan, and maybe even Jade wouldn’t mind talking to him. However, Harry still found the concept weird because, just the year before, he had thought everyone at school hated him.

He knew Louis didn’t hate him, he loved him, but he couldn’t help but feel like their friends only put up with Harry because of Louis.

Harry tried not to think about that though and, instead, focused his attention on the way that Louis’ fingertips grazed his hip, and the tickle of the boy’s feathery hair and light stubble on his face, and the way that Louis smelled like everything in the world, all coming at him at once. Louis overwhelmed Harry just by existing and Harry loved it more than anything else in the entire world.

When Louis’ dorm room lit up from the sun, Louis pushed Harry out of the bed, urging the younger boy to get dressed.

“Why?” Harry asked as he rifled through his backpack for clean underwear.

“We’re going out.”

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise,” Louis said with a grin, pulling his boyfriend close and pressing a chaste kiss to the side of his head.

Harry rolled his eyes but followed Louis to the bathroom anyway. They both got dressed and ready, smiling at the few people who wandered into the bathroom at the same time. Louis didn’t actually recognize anyone but he wanted to be friends with everyone so he figured a smile wouldn’t hurt.

When they were finished, they quietly returned their things to Louis’ room, not wanting to wake up Jack, and left the building. They walked to Louis’ car and, even though he begged, Louis would not tell Harry where they were going. However, when they pulled into the parking lot, it was easy for Harry to figure it out.

“The zoo?” Louis looked over to see Harry grinning widely, eyes bright. He reached for Harry’s hand.

“Yup,” Louis assured, parking close to the entrance as the lot was fairly empty given that it was still quite early. Louis led them to the gate where he paid for their tickets while Harry talked about the last time they had gone to the zoo, with Lottie and Fizzy in the summer. They had driven up to the Ponderosa Zoo, about an hour from Doncaster, and had gotten lunch with the girls before returning them home in the evening. It was a great day.

Harry and Louis’ day at the zoo was just as great. They saw the zebras and warthogs. Louis made a joke about Harry looking like a giraffe, given that he had about two inches on Louis at this point, a stark contrast to when they had met and Harry was shorter than Louis. However, this only led to Harry comparing Louis to the meerkats, which the older boy did not find funny.

By three that afternoon they had seen just about everything in the park and were hungry, not wanting to spend their money on the overpriced food in the zoo.

So they left the park and swung through a McDonald’s drive thru, getting a quick lunch which they ate on the way back to the dorms.

“What’re we doing tonight?” Harry asked as they walked through the halls back to Louis’ room.

Louis smiled and wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “There’s this area called Soho, thought we could go there. There’s bars and such and it’s pretty close.”

Harry leaned into Louis, “I’m not eighteen, I don’t think any ’ll let me in.”

Louis squeezed him, “Let’s just try.”

And Louis was right. Once the sun began to set, they set out once again with Jack and Alif, sharing an uber to a street teeming with bars, small groups of people crowding the sidewalks. The whole thing was very aesthetic and was exactly what Harry pictured when he imagined Louis living in London. He pictured coming to this neighbourhood and getting drunk in a bar with Louis. It was almost too much.

Jack, being from around London, had an idea of what bars wouldn’t care about Harry being underage and quickly got them a booth at a quieter place before bringing a round of beers to the table.

So they drank and laughed and Harry tried not to get quite as drunk as the night before which was easy when he and Louis just started sharing drinks, meaning Louis drank most of each one.

They all took an uber back to the dorms when Jack deemed Louis and Harry unbearable. Usually, they were quite reserved in their PDA but they were drunk and Soho was known for its LGBT scene so there were lots of other gay couples around which made them feel much more comfortable in expressing their affection. Unfortunately for Jack and Alif, however, this had begun with Harry sitting in Louis' lap and had quickly progressed to the two of them making out, Louis straddling Harry while Harry’s hands found home in Louis’ back pockets. They were having a good time but Jack insisted there were some things he never wanted to see.

Back at the dorms, Jack very loudly informed them that he would stay in the lounge for exactly one hour before coming to bed which just made Harry giggle while Louis shouted, “That means we can have sex.”

And they did. They didn’t go all the way but they got each other off and it was nice and intimate and sweet, exactly the way that they liked it.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms before Jack even returned, Harry foregoing his usual post-sex shower but with the way that Lous was clutching him tightly, he really couldn’t bring himself to care.

When they woke up the next morning, it was with an air of lethargy. They reluctantly dressed and shoved Harry’s clothes into his backpack, Louis swapping one or two of his hoodies for Harry’s when the younger boy had his back turned. Harry helped Louis make his bed and said a quick goodbye to a half asleep Jack before sluggishly following Louis to his car.

They drove to the train station, Louis staying five below the speed limit the whole time and squeezing Harry’s hand every time a car honked before speeding past them.

Louis walked Harry into the station, their hands intertwined tightly while Harry held his ticket loosely in his free hand, shoulder sagging under the weight of his backpack and emotions.

And then they were standing in front of Harry’s train and there were only five minutes before it was set to depart. Harry let his backpack fall to the floor and shoved his ticket into his pocket before pulling Louis tightly into his arms. Louis sniffled and gripped him just as close, pressing his face into the older boy’s neck.

“Stay here with me,” Louis whispered, “You can stay in my dorm and do your classes online, graduate early and come to school with me in January.”

Harry pulled back and smiled weakly, “Louis.”

“Come’on babe, I’ll sneak you food from the kitchens.”

Harry sighed, “Come home with me. Go to school in Manchester or Liverpool or wherever or do it online. Wait for me to graduate and then we can go wherever, I’ll go with you anywhere, Lou.”

“I can’t,” Louis said, voice just a notch above a whisper.

“I know,” Harry replied before tugging Louis in again.


	29. Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard and I have less than two weeks to pack up my entire life.

It was okay at first, it really was. Louis was distracted by his classes, they were hard, and Jack and Alif are good friends. They took Louis out on the weekends because they knew he was sad and they brought him dinner on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Those are the nights that he Skyped with Harry.

And Harry was okay too. He texted Louis all day, every day, but he also befriended one of the new girls and a few of the guys from the football team still say hi to him in the hallways. Stan’s little brother, who is two years younger than Harry, greeted him a few times in the hall which is nice. They talked about Stan once or twice.

Except then September ended and it was getting chilly, the sun began to set at five pm and some of the guys that beat Harry up the year before had figured out his class schedule and started to follow him between periods. Teasing and taunting him, occasionally shoving him.

And as much as Louis loved living in London and loved his new friends, new life, he missed Doncaster and the life he had there. He missed Anne and his sisters and maybe even missed his mum a bit. He missed Harry so much. He missed Harry even when they were on the phone together but he would never say a thing because Harry always looked like he was having a good time and his eyes were bright and his voice was happy.

Louis didn’t want to bother him.

“Hi Lou,” Harry greeted one night through the screen.

“Hi baby,” Louis smiled at the boy and Harry felt better immediately, “How was school?”

Harry held back a frown. School had been shit. This one guy who was probably double his weight had pushed Harry into the wall, leaving a bruise all over the right side of his torso.

“It was good,” He said after a moment. He doesn’t want to bother Louis. “Syeda,” She was Harry’s new friend, “and I partnered up for this project in psych. Which is good ‘cuz I don’t wanna work with anyone else.”

“Replacing me?” Louis said with a chuckle, glancing away from the screen when the door opened. “Hey Jack.”

“Hey Louis, Harry.”

“Hi Jack,” Harry said loudly so Jack could hear. This is what happened most Tuesday and Thursdays. When Jack or Alif would stop by with Louis’ dinner, they would all have a quick chat. Harry loved it, loved the way that he was able to throw himself into Louis’ world, even if it was from 300 km away.

After Jack left and Louis had eaten his dinner, Harry doing the same on his side of the camera, they both took their laptops and lay down in their beds, turning off the lights and sitting under the covers so that all they could see was each other, illuminated by just the light from the screen. 

“I miss you,” Louis whispered, breaking their silence.

Harry frowned, “I miss you too, but it’s not that bad right? You must be having such a great time in London.”

Louis almost told Harry the truth. He almost told him that he wasn’t able to go an entire day without feeling homesick, that he kind of hated going to class and that, yeah, his friends were great, but no one was as great as Harry.

“Yeah, I guess,” Louis replied quietly.

“You’re coming home next weekend, yeah?” Harry asked. Louis thought in his head, next weekend would be the first weekend of October. They had planned it before he even left Doncaster.

“Oh shit,” Louis swore with realization, “I have a midterm on Saturday.”

Harry’s face fell immediately and Louis pretended not to see it.

“It’s okay, Lou.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis said.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry, I really wanted to see you. And Anne.”

“Next time,” Harry said, staring down at his keyboard.

Louis sighed.

They talked for a while longer but then Harry wanted to sleep and Louis wanted to cry before Jack got back to their room so they said goodbye and logged off.

* * *

As Harry sat on the train he couldn’t help but think that it was a bad idea.

He knew that Louis was sad about not being able to come home for the weekend, so when they got off Skype, Harry bought himself a train ticket to London. The only thought in his mind being of the expression on Louis’ face when he realized he had an exam. 

But sitting on the train, Harry felt stupid. It was Friday, right after school and the train was packed. Harry hadn’t even brought anything aside from his wallet, phone, and keys. He had left his backpack in his locker and caught the bus right from school to the station so he could get the earliest train possible.

But now Harry was thinking about how he knew Louis often went out on Friday nights. And what if Louis didn’t want to see him. And maybe he should’ve thought this through earlier. It was too late though. He was on the train and would be in London by 8 pm.

So Harry texted Jack. Harry had acquired his number the first weekend that Louis was alone in London. Louis had gone out with Jack and his friends and had ended up piss drunk, sobbing about Harry. Jack had called Harry who was able to calm Louis down and convince him to go back to his dorm. Harry wasn’t sure if Louis even remembered, as they neither of them ever mentioned it and Harry did his best to forget.

_ Harry: Hi Jack, it’s Harry. I’m headed to London right now, surprising Louis, do you know his plans for tonight? _

Harry only had to wait a few minutes before a reply came through.

_ Jack: sick mate, Lou’s been missing you _

_ Jack: we’re heading to the usual pub tonight, same one we went to when you were here in August. you can meet us there, do you need the address? _

Harry agreed and put the address into his phone, seeing it would be about a 20 minute walk from the train station. He told Jack he would probably be there around 8:30 and Jack confirmed that they usually got there around that time but to text him if he had any trouble.

Harry was grateful that Louis had people like Jack around him.

When Harry got to the pub, he was happy he had travelled the three hours or so to London. He opened the door, causing the bell to jingle and a rush of cold air to enter which prompted Louis, who was sitting in a booth next to Jack and his friends, to look up.

They made eye contact and Harry gave him a hopeful smile while Louis stayed frozen. After a moment, he whispered to Jack, “Jack, Harry’s here,” in complete shock.

Jack waved at Harry before turning to Louis, “Go say hi, mate.”

Louis scrambled from his seat and rushed to Harry, pulling the boy into a tight embrace, coat and all. “I missed you so much,” Louis said into Harry’s neck, feeling the younger boy’s arms come up and pull them closer, even.

After standing in the middle of the bar, wrapped in each other’s arms, for far too long, Louis brought Harry back over to the table and introduced him to the few people he didn’t know. It was much like when Harry had been there at the end of August. They got absolutely pissed, stumbled back to Louis’ dorm and got each other off quickly, desperate as they had been apart for over a month. They fell asleep in each other’s arms and spent Saturday lying in bed together, watching Netflix and pretending that they were back in Doncaster, that Louis lived with Harry and that they saw each other almost every waking moment.

Louis ran to the bathroom in the mid afternoon to cry and Harry let it go the minute Louis fell asleep that night. Neither of them wanted the other to see them cry, neither wanted the other to see how much it hurt for them to be apart. 

On Sunday, as Louis drove Harry to the train station, all he could think was how hard it was. How hard living was when Harry was three hours away and Louis wanted him every single fucking moment. Louis had heard Harry crying as he drifted off to sleep and he knew that the younger boy must feel the same. How could he not?

So they stood in the train station just watching each other and after a moment too long, Louis reached forward and pulled Harry in for a hug.

“This is hard,” Louis whispered, “Every time we talk, it makes me realize what we’re missing.”

Harry couldn’t do anything but nod, biting his lip and pressing his face into Louis’ neck.

“Maybe…” Louis trailed off, “Maybe it would be better if we - if we stopped.”

Harry hated it but he knew what Louis meant. Loving and needing someone that you couldn’t actually be with was the worst. And he would never want to cause Louis any pain. Harry pulled away from the hug.

Louis’ eyes were wide and frantic and rimmed with red and sorrow. “Not, like, forever.”

“I know,” Harry whispered.

Louis was wringing his hands together and Harry could almost feel the nervous energy radiating from his -- not his -- boy. Harry stepped closer again and brought his hands up to cup Louis’ jaw.

“Harry,” Louis said, voice begging as he latched onto Harry’s wrists. “Harry you are it for me, you’re everything.”

“I know,” Harry said, shrugging with a small smile.

“Let’s just try this for a bit. But, baby, I promise, one day, I’m gonna marry you.” Harry couldn’t hold back a giggle that quickly turned into a sob.

Louis embraced Harry again tightly just as they heard the call over the speakers, announcing that Harry’s train would be leaving soon.

“Okay?” Louis asked after a moment.

Harry nodded and wiped his eyes with his balled up fist. Louis did the same with his sweater clad hand, Harry’s sweater.

“I love you,” Louis said before stepping away from Harry just the slightest bit.

“I know,” Harry said with a frown, before turning around and boarding the train.


	30. Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> massive apologies for how long this took

Harry had thought that September was one of the worst months of his life. With Louis three hours away with only texts throughout the day and biweekly video calls. With the absolute torture that school was quickly becoming without Louis there. With the bullies and the fact that Harry basically hated getting out of bed. Without Louis around, he had more and more bad days. Days where he couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed. He knew his mum was concerned and Harry tried, he really did, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.  
He thought that visiting Louis would make them both feel better. He knew Louis was sad too. But it had only ended in despair. Harry wasn’t sure if they were together or not. He felt like they were in this weird space between together and nothing. But Harry wanted everything. He wanted something they couldn’t have when Louis was off living in London and Harry was stuck in Doncaster.  
They still texted. Harry couldn’t help but think that he would just completely die if they stopped talking completely. But their video calls stopped and they stopped talking about how much they loved and missed each other. Instead, Louis talked about school and his friends while Harry talked about his mum and Louis’ sisters, who he saw quite often.  
But by the end of October, their texts had dwindled and Harry had begun to skip entire weeks of school, emailing his teachers for the work and submitting everything online. He was a good student and it was easy for him to teach himself but he knew his mother was concerned. She thought he needed more social interaction, which was probably true. Harry didn’t care though.  
Too soon, it was the first week of November and it had been a month since Harry had seen Louis. It was a Tuesday and Harry was alone as his mum was working late. He hadn’t been to school since the Thursday before and, even then, he had only gone to write his test in second period before returning home again.  
Harry had spent his morning lying in bed before venturing to the kitchen to eat lunch and work on his homework. He cooked dinner and Skyped Gemma before laying on the couch and turning on the TV, just watching whatever was on.  
Harry was just drifting off when he heard a knock on the door. He wasn’t sure who it could even be. No one ever came to visit them, especially without letting them no first. Odds are it’s some random person trying to sell something they don’t need, Harry reasoned. But then the knock came again and Harry thought, why wouldn’t they ring the doorbell.  
He thought about Louis, who never rang the doorbell ‘cuz he didn’t like the sound.  
Harry sat up. What if it’s Louis?  
But why would it be Louis? The two had been talking less and less and they weren’t even together anymore. Or were they? Harry really wasn’t sure. The only thing he was sure of was that every fibre of his being was begging him to march to that door and open it.  
So Harry walked to the door. He opened it to see a dripping Louis, the sky dark, rumbling clouds in the background. There were tears falling from Louis’ red-rimmed eyes and all Harry could think was how much this reminded him of when Louis had shown up at his door, all those months ago after being kicked out of his mum’s.  
“Harry?” Louis' voice was broken and ragged and it almost scared Harry but, more than anything, it brought Harry a comfort he hadn’t felt in a month.  
“What happened?” Louis just shook his head.  
“Can I come in?”  
“What, ye-yeah of course,” Harry stuttered, stepping to the side to let Louis step in. He didn’t seem to have anything with him except for his car keys in his hand.  
Louis toed off his shoes and slipped off his jacket, laying it across the bench. Harry couldn’t help but think that it kind of belonged there.  
Harry couldn’t keep himself from staring at the sight of Louis in his hallway. It was so much like it had been just a few months ago. In the summer when they were constantly in and out of the house and in the spring when they went to school together each day and all the way back to winter when no one knew they were together and Louis would sneak over after school. It was almost too much to bear.  
But then Louis looked up at Harry and the younger boy was reminded of the red around Louis’ eyes and the darkness under them. He also couldn’t help but notice the lingering smell of weed in the air.  
But Harry knew Louis and Harry knew it would be better not to ask. Eventually Louis would break down and tell him what was wrong all on his own; Asking would only push him away.  
“Do you want something to drink?”  
Louis nodded curtly, “‘ave you got my tea?”  
“Course,” Harry said before turning on his heel and walking to the kitchen. He knew Louis would follow.  
Louis sat himself at the kitchen table and watched as Harry prepared two cups of tea. Harry hummed as the water boiled and Louis couldn’t help but a small smile at the sound. Harry was the kind of person that always had a song in his head and, often, didn’t even notice when it escaped.  
“What song is that?” Louis asked.  
Harry blushed, “Did I do it again?”  
Louis smiled at Harry’s blush and nodded.  
“It’s just this new band I found on spotify, I’ll send you the link later.” Louis just nodded. This entire situation felt entirely too normal given the feelings that were swelling through his heart.  
Harry finished up the tea and brought it to the table, setting a cup down in front of Louis before sitting in the chair across from him and beginning to sip from his own cup.  
They sat in silence, just taking in each other’s presence until they had reached the bottoms of their cups. “Shall we go to the living room?” Harry asked, taking Louis’ cup to place it in the sink next to his.  
Louis nodded and followed Harry. They each took a seat on the long couch, as usual, but unlike usually, there was a cold space between them.  
“Do you want to talk about it yet?” Harry asked after a moment of silence.  
Louis just looked down and shook his head.  
“Okay,” Harry said. He switched on the TV and just let the news play. It was after a half hour that Louis finally spoke up.  
“I’m ready.”  
Harry switched off the TV and turned so he was sitting cross legged, facing Louis.  
Louis cleared his throat and stared straight ahead, “Could you hold my hand though?”  
Harry felt his chest warm at the thought that Louis still wanted, still needed his comfort. Harry scooted across the middle cushion so there was just an inch of space between them and reached for Louis’ hand.   
He could immediately feel just how clammy Louis’ hand was, something that happened when the boy was nervous. He squeezed it and Louis squeezed back.  
“Lottie called me yesterday,” Louis sniffled, “She didn’t know what else to do…”  
Harry nodded and leaned slightly closer to Louis so their sides were pressed together. Harry could feel as Louis sighed and pressed back against Harry.  
“Apparently, uhm,” Louis squeezed Harry’s hand and didn’t let up, “Mum’s been sick and,” Louis looked at Harry with tears in his eyes, “It’s really bad, Haz.”  
Harry took his free arm and wrapped it around Louis, bringing the smaller boy into his chest with their hands still intertwined. He felt Louis’ small hand reach around and grip the back of Harry’s shirt as he took in a deep breath, followed by what sounded like a sob and made Harry’s heart break.  
“It’s okay,” Harry whispered, one hand squeezing the back of Louis’ neck slightly.  
“It’s not,” Louis cried, “My mum has cancer, and she’s dying, and she hates me!”  
Harry didn’t know what to say, except, “I love you, it’s okay.”  
Harry held Louis as he cried for a while and, eventually, the boy’s cries subsided and his breaths evened out. Harry just held him as he slept, relishing in the feel of his boy back in his arms.  
It was dark when Harry’s mum got home. Harry heard the key in the lock and his mother’s quiet whistling before she appeared in the doorway.  
When she saw Louis her eyebrows furrowed and she cocked her head to the side. Harry simply shook his head, as if to say, not now, before he tightened his grip on Louis. Anne nodded and walked into the kitchen. Harry could hear her warming up some food before she came back into the room, plate in hand, and took a seat in the armchair.  
She took a bite before whispering, “Is he staying the night?”  
Harry shrugged before nodding, thinking that he would be damned to let Louis drive in his condition.  
“What happened?” Anne whispered again.  
“His mum is sick,” Harry whispered back, “It’s bad.”  
Anne frowned but didn’t say anything. When she had finished the food on her plate, she stood up and approached the couch, running a hand over the back of Louis’ head before heading for the kitchen.  
Harry just sat there and listened as his mum loaded up the dishwasher before heading up the stairs. Harry leaned his head down so it was resting on Louis’. As he approached a state of sleep, he heard his mum come back down the stairs. Harry turned his head to see her holding the blanket from his bed. Harry nodded and let his mum drape it over him and Louis.  
“Thanks,” Harry whispered.  
Anne nodded and walked back up the stairs.


	31. Better

Harry woke up to the sun on his face and a weight on his chest. It took him a moment to remember the night before, but he was grateful that Louis was still asleep on top of him. Harry could smell Louis’ hair and feel the grip of his hand and it felt like home. He had missed him terribly.

Harry glanced at the clock on the wall to see that it was just past seven. He could hear his mum humming in the kitchen and he was getting hungry, but he didn’t want to move and wake up Louis. But as Harry shifted slightly, he distrurbed Louis’ sleep, causing the older boy to stir.

Louis’ eyes fluttered open and his gaze focused on Harry. “Hi,” He whispered.

“Hi,” Harry whispered back. He brought a hand up to the back of Louis' head and tugged on the hairs at his neck. “You feel better?”

Louis shrugged and let his head down to rest on Harry’s chest. His hand was still gripping the younger boy’s shirt which Harry took to mean that he still felt the same way. Harry felt like he could almost feel what Louis was feeling anyway. Harry knew that even though Louis’ mum had kicked him out, Louis still loved her. He knew that they had been close for years and that, before Lottie, it was just the two of them. Just them against the world. He knew how protective Louis was over his family, even the ones who didn’t seem to want him.

Louis was fiercely loyal and kind and he was absolutely everything to Harry.

“How ‘bout we eat breakfast then talk?” Harry suggested, “Mum’s in the kitchen now.”

At the prospect of Harry’s mum, a smile immediately broke onto Louis’ face and he darted from the younger boy’s arms. Harry jumped off the couch and followed Louis to the kitchen just in time to see his mother’s arms wrapped tightly around Louis. The boy was holding on equally tight and Harry could see that his mum was whispering something he couldn’t hear into Louis’ ear.

Harry gave his mum a smile as she made eye contact with him over Louis’ shoulder but then looked away to give them a moment to themselves. Opting, instead, to begin preparing Louis’ tea and breakfast for the two of them. After a minute he felt Louis come up behind him and rest his forehead against Harry’s back.

That was something that made Harry feel nostalgic of all the times the older boy had done that before, in that exact kitchen, in that exact spot. Harry had to hold in a sigh.

When the tea was ready he turned around and handed it to Louis before finishing up their breakfasts and placing them on the table.

As they sat down across from each other, Louis kicked Harry’s shin and, although the younger boy wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not, it made him smile. Anne walked through the kitchen to bid her goodbyes to each boy.

“Going to school?” She asked after pressing a kiss to her son’s head.

Harry frowned and glanced at Louis, “Best not.”

Anne nodded and came up behind Louis, wrapping an arm around his chest and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “You’ll be alright, love?”

Louis brought a hand up to his face and nodded, giving Anne a small smile.

“Alright boys, I’ll see you tonight.”

They both said a quiet goodbye before she left, leaving them to eat in silence, lest the sound of their forks scraping on the plate. When they had both cleared their plates, Harry brought them to the sink and rinsed them before placing them in the dishwasher.

Then he went back to the table, opting to sit beside Louis, rather than across from him as he had done before. He hesitated for a moment before reaching over and taking Louis’ hand in his. However, the moment he did, Louis squeezed his hand tightly, which reassured Harry in his decision.

“So whaddu you wanna do?” Harry asked.

Louis sighed and scooted his seat closer to Harry’s before leaning over so he could rest his head on Harry’s shoulder. “I’d like to go see her.”

“Yeah?” Harry pressed, “Um, do you want me to come? Or I can stay at home, whatever you want, Lou.”

Louis looked up at Harry with an unreadable expression, “Yeah, you can come.”

“Should we get dressed then?”

Louis nodded, so they both stood up and walked up the stairs to Harry’s room. Louis immediately sat on the bed so Harry headed for his closet, where some of Louis’ clothes still lay.

Harry took out a pair of black jeans for Louis and tossed them onto the bed, pulling out a similar pair for himself. He then chose a sweater, one that had begun as Harry’s but Louis had quickly taken to. Harry hadn’t worn it in months. He held it up to the older boy.

Louis nodded and smiled shyly, holding up a hand to catch it as Harry threw it to him. Harry also chose a sweater that had floated between the two of them. In fact, it was the same grey hoodie that had gotten them caught by Jade in the first place, over a year before. Harry smiled at the memory and began to tug his clothes on, ignoring the way that Louis turned away to do the same.

When they were both done, they silently made their way to Louis’ car, Harry locking up behind them. Once they were on the road, Harry spoke, “Your house then?”

Louis shook his head, “Hospital.”

Harry frowned, it must be really bad then.

They drove to the hospital, accompanied only by the quiet background lull of the radio. It was only when Louis parked that Harry spoke again, “Should I wait here?”

Louis looked at Harry with darkness in his eyes, a darkness that was closer to sadness than anything else and lingered in the air between them.

“I’ll be here if you need me,” Harry rushed out, not wanting Louis to feel as though he was being abandoned. Again. “Of course I’ll come in if you want… But maybe it’d be best for you to do this on your own.”

Louis shrugged and slumped against the window. “I-I just…” His eyes slowly filled with tears.

“Hey,” Harry said. He didn’t know what else to stay so he just took his hand and squeezed the area where Louis’ shoulder met his neck.

Louis leaned into his touch before speaking, “What if she still doesn’t want me? What if she’s dying and she still hates me?”

Harry still wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew what he would want Louis to do if the roles were reversed. So Harry leaned over the console, over Louis and slid the seat back before climbing onto Louis. His knees were resting on either side of Louis’ hips and he held the older boy’s shoulders to keep his balance.

Harry slowly wrapped his arms around Louis and pulled him into a tight hug.

“It’ll be okay, Louis. I’m here, and at the end of the day, I’ll always be here,” Harry whispered into his ear.

Louis sighed and pulled Harry impossibly closer. “Okay,” He whispered.

“What else can I do to make this better, Lou?” Harry asked after a moment of the two just holding each other.

Louis shrugged, “Just you is enough.” Followed by what was perhaps a longer than necessary pause. “You make everything better, baby.”

Harry couldn’t help but smile.

* * *

Louis had been lying in bed, sad, as he had been every day since he and Harry had stopped… whatever. He knew that it was his fault but he also thought that this was, at the very least, what was best for Harry.

In the past year, every aspect of Louis’ life had morphed into doing what he thought was best for Harry, no matter the consequences for himself. If he had been thinking about the consequences on himself then, first and foremost, perhaps he wouldn’t’ve come out to his mother.

Or, at least, that’s the first thing he thinks when Lottie tells him.

He had been lying in bed, thinking about absolutely nothing. And Harry. And nothing. Until his phone rang. A phone that he was quick to answer in the hopes that it would be Harry.

When it was his sister instead, he wasn’t disappointed, per say. He did love his sister and, every day that she got older, she became more and more interesting. They had good conversation.

Although, when the first noise through the phone was a sniffle, Louis became immediately concerned.

“Lottie?” He asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Louis,” She sobbed out, “It’s mum.”

A million possibilities of what may have happened floated through Louis’ head and every single one of them ended up the same way, with Louis in Doncaster. So he immediately jumped from his bed, phone pressed to his ear, and grabbed his car keys from his desk.

“Lots,” He panted as he ran through the hallways and to his car, “Lots, tell me what happened.”

“She’s been sick, Lou. And-and she told us it wasn’t all that bad. She promised she would be okay, Louis!”

Louis took a deep breath and unlocked his car door, sitting in the seat and putting his phone on speaker.

“Lottie, it’s okay, I’m on my way home now, okay?” Louis could hear her sniff. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Lottie took a deep breath before speaking, “Mum’s in the hospital, Lou. Something happened at work, and-and they called home so I answered… I don’t know what to do Louis! I don’t know where Dan is and Fizz is crying and the twins are hungry.”

Louis sighed and started the car. “Okay Lottie, how ‘bout you put on a movie for you and the girls. I’ll order you guys a pizza, you know where mum keeps the extra cash?” Louis heard her hum so he kept speaking, “I’ll call Dan and find out what’s going on, okay? I’ll be home in a few hours.”

“Okay.” Lottie’s voice was weak.

“Okay Lots, I’m gonna go now. I love you.”

“Love you too.”


	32. Each Other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late and short and I have no excuses except parties in uni are no joke

When Louis walks into the hospital, he’s not really sure what to do. The only other time he’d been in a hospital, since he was an infant, was almost two years before, when his granddad had been sick. But then, he had come with his mum and hadn’t paid much attention to anything other than his grandfather.

So Louis approached the desk quite hesitantly, standing silently until the lady looked up at him. “Can I help you?” Her friendly voice and warm smile made Louis feel a bit less nervous.

“Uhm, I’m looking for my mum-she’s uhm… a patient here I think,” Louis stuttered, looking intently at the wooden desk.

“What’s her name, hun?”

“Jay-uh-Johannah Tomlinson.”

The lady clicked on her computer for a moment before speaking, “Alright her room number is 315, just take the elevator over there to the third floor.”

Louis nodded and hesitated before speaking again, “Would you be able to tell me more details about what’s wrong with her? I’ve been away at uni so I don’t know much.”

The lady frowned at him, “Why don’t you head up to the third floor and talk to one of the nurses there? They might be able to help you.”

So Louis thanked her and headed for the elevator, checking his phone to see that Harry had sent him a smiley face and a heart.

When the elevators opened he approached the nurse’s station and gave the women standing there a reserved smile. “Hi, I was wondering if I could get some info on Johannah Tomlinson?”

The lady looked at him over her glasses, “Can I get your name?”

“Oh, um, I’m Louis Tomlinson, her son?” Louis said shyly, the woman was making him nervous.

Except a smile immediately graced her face. “You’re Louis?”

He nodded.

“Your mother talks about you all the time!”

And that was something. Louis wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t that.

“Um…”

“Are you here to see her?”

Louis nodded, “I was wondering if I could get more info on what’s going on first? I’ve been off at uni so I’m sorta out of the loop.”

The woman smiled softly at him, “I’m actually not allowed to disclose any information without permission from your mother. Maybe it’d be best for you to just hear everything from her anyway?”

Louis thought for a moment before nodding.

“Alright, can I take you to her room?”

Louis nodded again and followed the woman down the hall. They approached the corner room and Louis stood in the doorway as the nurse entered, after a moment, she came back out and beckoned Louis into the room.

When he entered, the first thing he noticed was how pale his mum looked. Louis had always thought that she was the most beautiful woman in the world, and even lying in a hospital bed, pale with greasy hair, he still thought the same way.

Louis couldn’t help but notice the way that his mother’s eyes lit up at the sight of him, something that gave him slightly more hope.

“Hi mum,” He said quietly.

Jay immediately smiled, “Baby.”

With just one word, tears were brought to Louis’ eyes and he felt like a little boy again.

“Mummy,” He whined, letting the tears slip from his eyes, “What happened?”

“Oh Lou,” She replied, her voice quiet and raspy, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” Louis took a step closer. “Lottie said it’s bad.”

Jay smiled at him but nodded her head, “Lottie’s right.”

Louis looked around the room with tears still in his eyes and reluctantly took a seat on the chair beside the bed. He sat quietly, staring at the floor rather than at his mum. Although he could feel her gaze on him.

“I’m sorry, Louis,” She said after a minute of silence. “I should’ve told you but… We weren’t talking and-”

“We weren’t talking because you kicked me out!” Louis interrupted.

Jay smiled weakly at him, “I’m sorry, Louis.”

Louis let his head fall into his hands, “I just don’t understand.”

Louis felt his mum rest her hand on his arm, “I’m sorry.”

“How could you kick me out and then just this, say you’re sorry and you’re dying and everythings supposed to be better all of a sudden? This doesn’t mean anything to me!” Louis was angry, he felt like his whole world was falling even farther apart. It took everything in him not to cry.

“I’m sorry, Louis, I want us to talk this through,” Jay explained.

“Why couldn’t we have done this a year ago? When you kicked me out?”

Jay just shook her head, neither of them really knew what to say, what they wanted. Louis bit his lip and let his gaze move to the window which overlooked the parking lot. He thought of Harry and wished that he had told the boy to come inside with him. It was too late now.

“Just say what you want to say, mum, or I’m leaving.”

“I want us to be okay, Louis. I miss you.” She sounded sincere, she really did. But all Louis could think about was the boy waiting in the car and how Louis’ mother had told him he didn’t love him. Louis loved him with every single thing he had. And Louis thought about the way that his mother kicked him out while he sobbed and called her ‘mummy’ and she didn’t even care.

But then Jay looked up at him and there were tears in her eyes. Louis had never seen his mother cry. She was the strongest person he had ever known and there she was, crying.

“I’m dying, Louis, and I don’t want you to be mad at me when I do.”

Louis tried to swallow back the lump in his throat but he felt like he was drowning. His arms were numb and his chest hurt and he really just wanted to go lie in Harry’s arms, in Harry’s bed, in Harry’s house. But his mother was crying.

“You were the one that was mad at me,” Louis whispered.

“I was never mad at you,” Jay replied. She reached over to take Louis’ hand in hers. “I just didn’t understand.”

“And you do now?”

Jay tilted her head to the side the slightest bit. “I’ll be honest with you, Louis, I don’t.”

Louis sighed and pulled his hand out from her grasp. “I don’t know what you want then, mum. I’m gay, I’m always going to be gay,” Jay nodded but Louis didn’t stop, “I’m in love with Harry and nothing is going to change that. If you can’t accept that then I might as well leave now.”

Louis stood up but paused to turn back to his mother.

“I don’t understand but I don’t care Louis. I love you, you’re my son, my first born and you always will be. I don’t care if you’re gay, in love with a boy… I just want there to be peace between us before I go,” She took in a shaky breath, “I need the air to be clear and I need you to know that I love you, no matter what.”

Louis pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes and sighed, “How long do you have?”

“Not long.”

“What happens to the girls then?” They were and would always be Louis’ number one priority.

“I think their father will take care of that.”

“Mark? But he lives all the way up in Durham, how ‘m I going to see them?”

Jay closed her eyes for just a moment too long, “It’ll be okay, Louis. The best place for them is with their father.”

“What about me? They’re gone and you’re gone and I’ll be all alone.” Of course there was Harry. Of course there was, but with his mum and sisters gone he would have no real family left. 

“You’ll be okay, Louis. Mark loves you and I know he will check in on you after… You can spend the holidays with them and I’m sure he’ll drive them down to see you sometimes.”

Louis shook his head, “How did this happen mum?”

“It’s cancer, Louis, it’s out of my control,” Jay said softly.

“No,” Louis replied, “How could you kick me out and hate me and now - and now you’re letting the girls be taken from me, and - and you’re leaving.” Louis choked back a sob and walked to the door.

“Please don’t leave, Louis. I want us to talk about this.”

Louis took a shaky breath, “I just need a minute, I’ll be right back.”

And he shot out of the room.

* * *

Harry looked up to see Louis approaching the car. He looked upset and all Harry wanted to do was hug him. Louis opened the car door and sat down, not looking at Harry.

Harry knew better than to ask about it, he knew Louis would talk about it in his own time, so he just sat in silence, however he did bring a hand up to rest on Louis’ shoulder. To let the boy know he was there.

And that worked. They knew each other well.

After a moment, Louis leaned into Harry’s touch before turning to look at the boy with tears in his eyes.

“Okay?” Harry asked, although he knew the answer.

Louis shrugged.

“Come here?” Harry asked, motioning for the older boy to sit with him.

Louis nodded slightly and climbed awkwardly over the centre console before letting himself fall into Harry’s arms. Louis pressed his face into Harry’s neck while the younger boy wrapped his arms tightly around him.

“Talk about it?” Harry asked. He waited a moment but Louis made no movement so Harry just nodded lightly and began to hum a quiet tune while rubbing Louis’ back.

They knew each other well, they knew what they needed and that was only the other.


	33. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter but i do have some bonus content along with a new story in the works
> 
> apologies for how long this took to get up, uni is hard and trying medications to treat depression and anxiety is a journey

“I don’t think I’m going to go back,” Louis said quietly as they lay on Harry’s bed, side by side.  
Harry frowned and sat up, “What do you mean?”  
Louis sighed and let his gaze drift to the ceiling, “I dunno…”  
Harry pouted at Louis and let himself fall onto the older boy, “No, Lou, explain.”  
Louis pouted for a moment before kissing the top of Harry’s head, “I’m not sure I want to go back to uni…” He trailed off and let his gaze drift to the ceiling.  
“What?” Harry was shocked. He knew Louis was struggling with his mum and with being away and with school in general but to drop out of uni? That was crazy.  
Louis sighed, “It’s a bad idea, I know.”  
Harry pursed his lips and sat up again, “No, Lou, just… Why?”  
Louis shrugged and sat up too, shuffling so his back was against the wall. “It was a lot before, dealing with being away from you and the girls. And the work’s a lot more than I thought it would be… And now with everything going on with my mum. I feel like I should be here, help out and everything.  
Harry thought for a moment, “Maybe it’s not that bad of an idea.”  
Louis rolled his eyes, “It’s insane, love, there’s no way I could actually do it.”  
Harry shrugged, “I dunno… I just want what’s best for you and I guess you’re right.”  
“Right about what?”  
“Well of course I’ll do everything I can to help you’re sisters but no one’s as good with them as you are, Lou. No one will be as good for them as you are.”  
Louis didn’t know what to say.  
“All I’m saying,” Harry continued, “Is that while it is kind of a crazy idea, maybe it wouldn’t be completely terrible… And you can always go back next year. Don’t think of it as stopping, more like a pause.”  
“You just want me to stay here,” Louis joked with a smile.  
Harry chuckled and let himself fall against Louis, “Maybe.”  
\---  
It wasn’t until a few days later that Louis was able to convince himself to go back to the hospital. He couldn’t bare to face his mother, pretending that everything was fine when she had kicked him out and forgotten about him less than a year before.  
But after spending the days neglecting his school work in favour of taking his sisters out, helping them with their homework and letting them cry on his shoulder before they fell asleep, he knew he needed to speak to his mother.  
So on a Tuesday, after Harry and the girls had all been dropped at school, Louis headed back to the hospital, trying not to think about the ever growing pile of assignments he hadn’t done.  
This time he was prepared, he wouldn’t be emotional, he wouldn’t be angry. He had a list of things to discuss (which he couldn’t help but think was the effects of Harry rubbing off on him), and he would not stray from them, no matter what his mother did.  
When he walked into the hospital, he knew exactly where to go, so he did so, only stopping to smile at the receptionist for a moment before heading to the correct floor.  
When he reached his mother’s room, he knocked lightly on the door before pushing it open. He saw that his mum was lying with her eyes closed, looking pale and sick and he almost wanted to turn around at that moment… But he couldn’t. His mother was dying. His mother was dying and he cared too much for a son that had been kicked out. But as emotional as he felt, as much as he couldn’t swallow the lump in his throat, he had a list.  
Louis walked into the room and took a seat in the chair next to the bed. As much as he resented his mother for all she had done, he wasn’t about to wake up a dying woman.  
It was only after a few minutes that she began to stir and opened her eyes, blinking a few times before she seemed to notice Louis. When their eyes met, a smile immediately lit up Johannah’s face, however Louis did his best to stay stoic as he was much closer to tears than a grin.  
“Louis.” She sounded sicker. “I’m so happy you’re here.”  
“I need Mark’s phone number.”  
Johannah frowned in confusion.  
“I need to organize with him what happens with the girls and when I’ll be able to come see them, when they can come see me.”  
“Oh,” Jay said. “You can take my phone from there,” She motioned to the table across the room, “He’s in my contacts.”  
Louis did so, copying down the number into his own phone.  
“Is that the only reason you’re here?” Jay seemed almost hesistant to ask but Louis really tried not to think about her feelings in this.  
“Will Dan be arranging everything? For, uhm, after?”   
Jay looked down, “I’ve already done everything but, yes, Dan will take care of everything.”  
Louis nodded and looked down at his fingers.  
“I really hope you’ll come… To my funeral. The girls will want you there.”  
Louis just nodded again and kept his gaze on the ground. After another moment Louis stood up from his chair and walked to the door.  
“Are you leaving then?” His mother looked sad.  
Louis frowned, “This,” He motioned between them, “Is all your fault. I wish that things could be better, that I could find it in me to forgive you before you die but, mum, I just can’t.” Louis paused. “I’m going to marry Harry, mum, and it makes me really sad that you’re not going to be there. But I can’t help but think that even if you weren’t dying, you wouldn’t be there anyway.”  
“Louis.”  
“It’s okay, mum. I will make sure the girls are okay and Harry will make sure I’m okay but, mum, I won’t be coming here again and I won’t be forgiving you for what you did. I’m sorry but… Bye mummy.”  
\---  
And Harry knew, when Louis picked him up later, that the older boy was upset. He knew what Louis planned to say so he knew why and he knew that everything would be okay. They had each other and, really, they did need more. They needed Louis’ sisters and Harry’s mum but what they didn’t need was the people who had treated them badly and left them behind and showed them what it was like to get heartbroken. Louis didn’t need his parents and Harry didn’t need his dad and that was that. They were stronger than that, and they would be okay.

\---  
It’s amazing how much one person can change over the course of just a few years. How much someone can grow and develop until they are simply a shadow of who they were before. And maybe that’s not a bad thing.  
Louis grew up. Louis grew up and he lost the sense of carelessness he used to have about his own life. His recklessness was lost to pave the way for a sense of empathy that he used to be lacking for everyone except his boy.  
And Harry grew up. Harry grew up and broke out of his shell. He was no longer doomed to be the person he was in high school, the shy kid who trusted no one but his boy. Now he was outgoing and confident.   
He had gained some of the recklessness that Louis had lost but it was in such a way that the two boys completely balanced each other out. The way that they had in high school too. 

People change.

Louis spoke at his mother’s funeral. He spoke of the bond they shared when it was just the two of them and how strong his mother had been, raising the girls all on her own and how she had never given up on love, when she had been given every reason too.  
Louis didn’t speak about the way their relationship had become strained, almost non-existent in the year before Jay died. He thought that perhaps it wasn’t the time, wasn’t the place, and it was something he would rather not think about.  
Louis then took a break from school, given that he had failed the semester he spent at home as his mother died, only returning after Harry had graduated from high school and would be accompanying the older boy in the fall.   
And they were happy.   
There were hardships and fights and Harry struggled with his anxiety while Louis struggled with his depression, but in the end, it all worked out.  
They were everything too each other and they shared that love with everyone around them.  
It was all they needed.


End file.
